DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a nanny for a family, and my employer treats me rather cruelly. When I ask to borrow the car, he constantly doubts that I am going where I say I'm going. He gossips about me to the children, and he makes pointed comments about how much I eat and my weight. He's made me cry on several occasions.

I have no idea what to do or how to handle this situation. I love the children and they love me, so I was willing to put up with it for them, but I can't take it much longer. What should I do? -- Mistreated, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MISTREATED: You owe it to the children to stand up to their father. As their caregiver, you want them to learn how to treat people with respect.

Request a private meeting with your employer. Tell him how much you love the children and how grateful you are to care for them. Tell him that you are concerned, however, about the way the two of you interact sometimes.

Describe a few scenarios. Concerning the car, ask if he has any reason not to trust you. Tell him that you take your job seriously and would never lie to him about your whereabouts or actions. And tell him it hurts your feelings when he speaks negatively about your weight.

Reinforce your commitment to the family and the children, but make it clear that it is hard to do your job when you feel you are being belittled and distrusted. If he does not change, you may need to look for another job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a boyfriend, but I still like to go to parties with my friends. Guys ask me to dance and I turn them down, obviously. Some of them get offended and ask me why, and when I say I have a boyfriend, they seem to think that's not enough of an excuse.

Is there a more polite way to say that I'm "taken" and just out with friends, or are they in the wrong for pursuing the matter more? -- Taken, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR TAKEN: You think it is obvious that you would not dance with another man because you have a boyfriend. I do not necessarily agree with you. I grew up observing my parents going to parties and hosting them. They danced together and with each other's friends. It was never considered untoward or irresponsible for them to dance with other people. Of course, I do not think you should dance in an intimate way with someone else.

If a man asks you to dance and you choose not to, say "no thank you." You also may want to avoid going without your boyfriend to places where people are dancing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been in a job for two years, and I have been the assistant sales floor manager. A young lady who has been at the store not even a year has been promoted twice, while I haven't been promoted at all. I noticed about two weeks ago when I was in the back room that an assistant manager position paper was sitting out. I thought maybe they were going to ask me to accept the position, but instead they offered it to her.

My manager told me as she was going out the door with her coat on, and she said we would talk about it next week. I'm really upset. What should I do? -- Insulted, New York

DEAR INSULTED: Take a few days to calm down. When you meet with your boss, ask why you were not offered the position. Tell her that you have been working for the last two years with the intention of advancing.

Describe your perception of the quality of your work. Ask if she agrees, then ask for her general opinion of your work. You do not want to put her on the spot, but it is valid for you to want to know why you were not invited to fill this position, since you think you are more seasoned than the other employee. Be sure to ask how you can align yourself for a future promotion.

If you get a bad feeling after talking to your manager, do not wait around. It may be a signal that it is time to look for a new job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been in a relationship for a while, and I really love my boyfriend. I am 24. He is 29. We aren't ready to settle down yet, but the potential is there. I see our future with marriage, kids, all that stuff.

However, he is ready to move to Los Angeles soon, and I just got to New York. He wants me to move with him, but I would like to move home to Chicago. He doesn't see the job potential there.

How do we stay together if we don't live in the same place? How do I stay with someone who isn't giving two thoughts to moving to Chicago, even though he hasn't been there before? -- Long-Distance Dilemma, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE DILEMMA: It's time for a serious talk about the future. If you are not clear about your intentions for your relationship and if you cannot even consider living in the same place -- wherever that might be -- chances are, your relationship is about to end. Talk it out until you both feel satisfied that you know where you stand.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning on living with my longtime friend next year. Our families are close, and he's a great person, but I'm worried. He will sometimes slip and say things that could get me into trouble, although never intentionally.

I have a long-term girlfriend who comes over and sometimes stays until late at night. Normally when this happens, we're just studying together or watching a movie. But I'm worried that my friend might, while talking to his or my parents, mention that she was in the room and get me in trouble. Should I talk to him about it or just hope for the best? -- Shaky Ground, Chicago

DEAR SHAKY GROUND: You did not mention your age, but I assume that you are old enough to live on your own and be trusted to make smart decisions.

Rather than asking your friend to keep quiet about your business, I think you should own your life. Be clear about the decisions you make, and be prepared to stand up for them.

I am unclear why you would "get in trouble" if your parents learned that you entertained a female friend. It sounds as if you want them to believe that you are behaving honorably, which, for your family, means no sexual intimacy. If you are living your life in that way, you have nothing to worry about.

If you think that having your girlfriend over late might give the wrong impression and call your conduct into question, perhaps you should reconsider what time she goes home. The bottom line is that you need to feel comfortable with your decisions and be prepared to stand up for them in front of your parents or anyone else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought my roommate and I had a pretty OK relationship until I saw that he posted something negative about me online, saying he felt sorry for whomever has to live with me next year. I confronted him about it, and it turns out it was something he didn't post. Now he's mad at me. I apologized, but how can I rectify the situation? -- On the Outs, Philadelphia

DEAR ON THE OUTS: Did you find out who did post the negative comments? If the statement appeared on your roommate's social media page, it makes sense that you would think he wrote it.

Ultimately, the way you rectify the situation is to address it directly. Talk to your roommate about what happened. Explain why you got upset that something like that would be stated publicly. Move on to the issue at hand, and ask if he has concerns about being your roommate. Even though he may not have written the comment, he may share the sentiment. And tell him how you feel about being his roommate.