DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm shaking my head at my wife because she allows our children to eat dinner at any time of the day. I woke up this morning at 5 a.m., and I heard someone in the kitchen. To my surprise, I found my 9-year-old daughter warming up last night's dinner. I asked her why she was eating such a heavy meal at this time of day. My daughter's response was, "Mom gave me permission."

My wife is setting a bad precedent for our children, and she needs to stop this behavior. How do I address my concerns to my wife about her allowing the children to eat at any time of the day? -- Shaking My Head, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SHAKING MY HEAD: Pick a time when you and your wife are alone. Let her know that you want to have a meeting to talk about the family. Then, tell her specifically why you are concerned about the children's eating habits. Describe to her what happened with your daughter. Suggest that the two of you work together to design more healthy eating habits for the children and yourselves.

If you are not currently participating in the food shopping or preparation, you may need to start. To recast the way that you feed your family will take focus, time and effort. You will need to be examples for your children. I do not recommend that you simply scold your wife and then expect her to make a shift. This family initiative requires teamwork. You may also want to get your children physically active. Check out Michelle Obama's healthy living program, Let's Move, at letsmove.gov to get some ideas.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and younger sister lost their individual battles with cancer within a year of each other. Losing my mother and sister in such a short time has drained me. I have not properly mourned their passing. In addition, I took my oldest sister to the hospital earlier this week to have the doctors remove the cancerous tumor that's in her chest. I'm thankful that my doctors gave me a clean bill of health, but I am so tired. Do you have any words of encouragement during this tough time in my life. -- Distraught, Salt Lake City

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: I am so sorry for the tragedy that has befallen your family. Cancer is a horrible disease that is taking too many of our loved ones. When they go in such close proximity, it can be hard to feel strong enough to hold on.

This is where faith comes in. When the pain of loss seems too great, you need to ask God to help you. However you worship, this is your time to call upon that higher power to give you strength and see you through.

You can also go to a grief counselor at your house of worship or ask your doctor for a referral. It is wise that you are reaching out. Get support now so that you do not have to experience your grief in isolation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have received an invitation to an engagement party that's going to take place in two weeks, and I am wondering if I should bring a gift to the intended married couple. I am friendly with the bride-to-be, but I have not met the young man. I know you are supposed to bring a gift to the wedding, but do you also bring one to this event? If so, what should I bring? -- Unclear, New York

DEAR UNCLEAR: There is no set rule that says you must bring a gift to an engagement party. I think it would be a nice gesture, though. This is the official announcement of the couple's intention to marry. It is usually hosted by the bride's parents and is a way of introducing the couple to family and close friends. It is thoughtful to acknowledge this moment with a memento of some kind -- something affordable and thoughtful. Consider a small gift that represents hope for the future -- anything from a bottle of champagne and a pair of champagne glasses to an invitation to dinner with you to get to know the two of them better. A keepsake journal could be lovely as a tool the bride can use to collect memories of the wedding planning that is about to begin. Best of all could be a handwritten note that expresses your blessings to the couple for a rich and fulfilling life together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm pretty disappointed in your answer regarding the stolen jewelry. While your advice wasn't bad for the woman who lost valuable jewelry, why in the world didn't you at least suggest the possibility that it may not have been the cleaning service? Has NO ONE else ever been in her house? Even the police haven't been able to confirm who took the jewelry. While I wouldn't have suggested this to her, it is possible that a child (or other family member) is stealing from her. Perhaps there's a drug or gambling problem. Again, I'm not saying you should throw those wild scenarios out there, but it was wrong to not even open her eyes to the possibility of someone else being guilty. Unless there was an edited part that said the cleaning people were the only ones who had ever entered her house, I think you really missed an opportunity here. 

By the way, I'm not in denial about cleaning ladies either. I had one that lasted one day as housekeeper/nanny. She stole from us and didn't take care of my kids properly. It may very well be one of those ladies. But we do operate on innocent-until-proven-guilty in America, and the three of you have played judge and jury without any evidence. -- Wiser, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WISER: I cannot argue with you on this one. I should have mentioned that she could be wrong about who stole the jewelry. Presuming the cleaning lady without proof is just that -- a presumption. Further, had she owned insurance, the theft would be covered no matter what.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so embarrassed. I sent a series of text messages to a woman I reconnected with at a conference recently. Nothing untoward, but messages talking about how much fun we had at the event and inviting her to come with me to another event that's coming up. Well, it turns out I was sending the messages to the wrong person. The texts were going to her husband. He is a nice man but very proper, and my notes were very familiar. He wrote back to tell me my mistake. Now I wonder if I need to do anything other than apologize for making the mistake of sending the messages to him. It was an honest mistake, but it feels weird. -- Mistaken Identity, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR MISTAKEN IDENTITY: Unless you have left something out, I do not see why you need to do anything other than return the text with a simple apology. Thank goodness you did not say anything rude, revealing or inappropriate in the text messages. As a general rule, I recommend that no one make that mistake. If you have something to say that is sensitive, it is best said face-to-face, not through an electronic transmission.

But if what you did was basically invite this woman, his wife, to an event, only you sent the invitation to the wrong address, take a breath. You made a simple mistake. Close the loop and let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hung out with a group of women recently, and we all got to talking about how much we want to get fit. All five of us are at least 20 pounds overweight, and I believe that all of us have made efforts here and there to do something about it. But I know for me that so far nothing has lasted. I long to be the size I was in my 20s. I suppose that is unrealistic, but I believe that I don't have to be stuck in what I know is an overweight body. How can I stop longing for a change and make one instead? -- Fat and Frustrated, Los Angeles

DEAR FAT AND FRUSTRATED: You need to make a plan that includes the proper support system. Start by going to your doctor and getting a complete physical. Make sure that you are clear about your overall health. If there are any particular concerns that need to be addressed, figure that out so you can add any to your checklist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a nutritionist. Sometimes you can work with a nutritionist using your insurance, especially if you are discovered to have a pre-existing condition that requires you to lose weight.

Join Weight Watchers or another of the programs that supports you in your attempt to lose weight. Ultimately, you need to manage how many calories you put in versus how many calories you burn each day. It is wise to exercise as well. Start at home using fitness programs on TV or DVD. Join a gym. Walk with friends. Pick a physical activity that you can commit to, and check in with your friends. Be one another's motivation.