DEAR HARRIETTE: I have received an invitation to an engagement party that's going to take place in two weeks, and I am wondering if I should bring a gift to the intended married couple. I am friendly with the bride-to-be, but I have not met the young man. I know you are supposed to bring a gift to the wedding, but do you also bring one to this event? If so, what should I bring? -- Unclear, New York

DEAR UNCLEAR: There is no set rule that says you must bring a gift to an engagement party. I think it would be a nice gesture, though. This is the official announcement of the couple's intention to marry. It is usually hosted by the bride's parents and is a way of introducing the couple to family and close friends. It is thoughtful to acknowledge this moment with a memento of some kind -- something affordable and thoughtful. Consider a small gift that represents hope for the future -- anything from a bottle of champagne and a pair of champagne glasses to an invitation to dinner with you to get to know the two of them better. A keepsake journal could be lovely as a tool the bride can use to collect memories of the wedding planning that is about to begin. Best of all could be a handwritten note that expresses your blessings to the couple for a rich and fulfilling life together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm pretty disappointed in your answer regarding the stolen jewelry. While your advice wasn't bad for the woman who lost valuable jewelry, why in the world didn't you at least suggest the possibility that it may not have been the cleaning service? Has NO ONE else ever been in her house? Even the police haven't been able to confirm who took the jewelry. While I wouldn't have suggested this to her, it is possible that a child (or other family member) is stealing from her. Perhaps there's a drug or gambling problem. Again, I'm not saying you should throw those wild scenarios out there, but it was wrong to not even open her eyes to the possibility of someone else being guilty. Unless there was an edited part that said the cleaning people were the only ones who had ever entered her house, I think you really missed an opportunity here. 

By the way, I'm not in denial about cleaning ladies either. I had one that lasted one day as housekeeper/nanny. She stole from us and didn't take care of my kids properly. It may very well be one of those ladies. But we do operate on innocent-until-proven-guilty in America, and the three of you have played judge and jury without any evidence. -- Wiser, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WISER: I cannot argue with you on this one. I should have mentioned that she could be wrong about who stole the jewelry. Presuming the cleaning lady without proof is just that -- a presumption. Further, had she owned insurance, the theft would be covered no matter what.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so embarrassed. I sent a series of text messages to a woman I reconnected with at a conference recently. Nothing untoward, but messages talking about how much fun we had at the event and inviting her to come with me to another event that's coming up. Well, it turns out I was sending the messages to the wrong person. The texts were going to her husband. He is a nice man but very proper, and my notes were very familiar. He wrote back to tell me my mistake. Now I wonder if I need to do anything other than apologize for making the mistake of sending the messages to him. It was an honest mistake, but it feels weird. -- Mistaken Identity, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR MISTAKEN IDENTITY: Unless you have left something out, I do not see why you need to do anything other than return the text with a simple apology. Thank goodness you did not say anything rude, revealing or inappropriate in the text messages. As a general rule, I recommend that no one make that mistake. If you have something to say that is sensitive, it is best said face-to-face, not through an electronic transmission.

But if what you did was basically invite this woman, his wife, to an event, only you sent the invitation to the wrong address, take a breath. You made a simple mistake. Close the loop and let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hung out with a group of women recently, and we all got to talking about how much we want to get fit. All five of us are at least 20 pounds overweight, and I believe that all of us have made efforts here and there to do something about it. But I know for me that so far nothing has lasted. I long to be the size I was in my 20s. I suppose that is unrealistic, but I believe that I don't have to be stuck in what I know is an overweight body. How can I stop longing for a change and make one instead? -- Fat and Frustrated, Los Angeles

DEAR FAT AND FRUSTRATED: You need to make a plan that includes the proper support system. Start by going to your doctor and getting a complete physical. Make sure that you are clear about your overall health. If there are any particular concerns that need to be addressed, figure that out so you can add any to your checklist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a nutritionist. Sometimes you can work with a nutritionist using your insurance, especially if you are discovered to have a pre-existing condition that requires you to lose weight.

Join Weight Watchers or another of the programs that supports you in your attempt to lose weight. Ultimately, you need to manage how many calories you put in versus how many calories you burn each day. It is wise to exercise as well. Start at home using fitness programs on TV or DVD. Join a gym. Walk with friends. Pick a physical activity that you can commit to, and check in with your friends. Be one another's motivation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and her best friend are competing over a boy in their class. They are in the fourth grade! They compare notes about their crush and if he notices them or not. It is crazy. At first I thought it was cute, but now it worries me. I believe it is distracting them from their schoolwork. Never mind they are too young for crushes. How can I stop this? -- Nip It in the Bud, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR NIP IT IN THE BUD: It is not uncommon for children to have crushes at your daughter's age. Indeed, attraction can start even earlier for some children. Managing the attraction is your job, not squashing it. Cultivate a dialogue with your daughter about appropriate behavior. Teach her that it is natural to be attracted to others and that you do not always have to act on that. Tell her that competing with her friend may lead to a broken friendship.

Instead of putting so much energy into her crush, guide her to her studies. If your daughter does not already have extracurricular activities, add some. Keep her busy, engaging her mind and body with productive activities. This may help to lessen the intensity of the crush. Keep the conversation going so that you know what is going on. Enlist her teacher if you think your daughter needs support in course correction during the day. Be careful not to embarrass her, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a really awkward situation last night. I was at an event with my boyfriend's ex. She came right over to me and introduced herself knowing full well who I am. I did not break them up, but she was with him for a long time, and I know she still has feelings for him. I was gracious but felt so uncomfortable. Other than speaking to her, is there something I should have done? She looked really sad and hurt all night. -- Undone, Shreveport, La.

DEAR UNDONE: Being cordial was wise. Any more could have been far worse. You are not a part of his relationship with her. Hopefully he really had severed ties with her before you were in his life. You may want to verify that with him so that you are clear on why she seemed so upset. Nonetheless, you cannot control her feelings.

Do not dwell on her. Do find out from your boyfriend why he thinks she seemed so sad. It is wise for you to learn his reaction and analysis of the situation.