DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and her best friend are competing over a boy in their class. They are in the fourth grade! They compare notes about their crush and if he notices them or not. It is crazy. At first I thought it was cute, but now it worries me. I believe it is distracting them from their schoolwork. Never mind they are too young for crushes. How can I stop this? -- Nip It in the Bud, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR NIP IT IN THE BUD: It is not uncommon for children to have crushes at your daughter's age. Indeed, attraction can start even earlier for some children. Managing the attraction is your job, not squashing it. Cultivate a dialogue with your daughter about appropriate behavior. Teach her that it is natural to be attracted to others and that you do not always have to act on that. Tell her that competing with her friend may lead to a broken friendship.

Instead of putting so much energy into her crush, guide her to her studies. If your daughter does not already have extracurricular activities, add some. Keep her busy, engaging her mind and body with productive activities. This may help to lessen the intensity of the crush. Keep the conversation going so that you know what is going on. Enlist her teacher if you think your daughter needs support in course correction during the day. Be careful not to embarrass her, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a really awkward situation last night. I was at an event with my boyfriend's ex. She came right over to me and introduced herself knowing full well who I am. I did not break them up, but she was with him for a long time, and I know she still has feelings for him. I was gracious but felt so uncomfortable. Other than speaking to her, is there something I should have done? She looked really sad and hurt all night. -- Undone, Shreveport, La.

DEAR UNDONE: Being cordial was wise. Any more could have been far worse. You are not a part of his relationship with her. Hopefully he really had severed ties with her before you were in his life. You may want to verify that with him so that you are clear on why she seemed so upset. Nonetheless, you cannot control her feelings.

Do not dwell on her. Do find out from your boyfriend why he thinks she seemed so sad. It is wise for you to learn his reaction and analysis of the situation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a lovely new assistant who helped me tremendously at a recent conference where I was a vendor and presenter. Everything was going great until the champagne started flowing. She turned into a monster. She got loud, obnoxious and belligerent. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say to her. It was awkward because others noticed. How should I handle this? -- Mouth Hanging Open, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MOUTH HANGING OPEN: Be direct with her. Tell her you want to review the event and go over how it worked. Tell her what went well, and give her specific kudos for the things she mastered. This is important so that she knows what you value. Then describe the behavior that was unacceptable. Paint a clear picture. Let her know that she represents you and that as your representative she must always carry herself as you do. Otherwise, she cannot continue to work for you. Make a strict no-alcohol policy at all work events.

You may want to ask her if she needs help. She may have a drinking problem that needs to be nipped in the bud.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked a neighbor to watch my dog, which I do from time to time. This time she agreed, but I later learned that she let somebody else take care of him when she went out of town for a day. I was gone for a week, and we agreed that she was in charge. I don't like that she pawned off my baby to somebody else. What can I say to her? -- Dog Lover, Chicago

DEAR DOG LOVER: This is why people use kennels. Though you cannot ensure that nothing will go wrong in a kennel, you do know that you are paying for a specific service.

In your friend's case, ask her why she put your dog in another's care. You don't know what happened in her life that changed her plans. How is your dog? If it is fine, maybe this is a nonissue. Figure out why you are upset and mindfully let her know. Use a kennel in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend invited me to go to the Caribbean with him. It sounds so nice, but I can't go. I am mortified to put on a bathing suit around him. He has never seen my body. I usually wear loose-fitting clothes. I think he won't like me anymore if he sees how overweight and out of shape I am.

I am so mad at myself. I haven't exercised in years, and I have the flab to show for it. What should I say to him about the trip? -- Fat and Freaked Out, Los Angeles

DEAR FAT AND FREAKED OUT: I doubt that your boyfriend thinks you have a model's body, even though you work overtime to cover it up. He surely likes you for who you are and is not consumed with how you look.

That said, since you are self-conscious, go ahead and share your doubts with him. Set a fitness goal that you want to reach before you strip down to a bathing suit. Enlist him in walking, jogging, moving. The two of you can work out together, get closer and have the promise of a trip to the beach as a reward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought your advice to the person who was taking a public speaking class and was looking for ways to overcome his or her shyness was great. The most important thing to do is to practice.

I took a public speaking class in high school. The first time I had to speak in front of the class -- doing no more than telling about ourselves -- I was beside myself with nerves. But I was stuck for a semester, so I had to find a way to deal with this.

Practicing my speeches was invaluable. I practiced in front of the mirror, a tape recorder (that's dating myself!) and my family. I learned to make eye contact and always had a detailed outline in front of me that I could glance at when necessary. I not only overcame my nerves and shyness, but I also went on to major in speech communication in college.

I work as a financial consultant and feel the ability to communicate is invaluable. It all started with my first public speaking class. I would like to add that the speaker should always remember he or she is the only one who knows what he or she is going to say. If the speaker makes a mistake, usually no one is the wiser. -- Confident Communicator, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CONFIDENT COMMUNICATOR: It is amazing how many people start out extremely shy when they have to speak to a group of people. I have learned that if you choose to believe that the people who are waiting to hear you speak are friendly souls just like you, it is easier to speak to them.

You are absolutely right that they have no idea what you are going to say, so just go for it and speak. Trust that if you are prepared, you will be able to deliver your message with clarity and intention. It all starts with believing that you can do it!