DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend invited me to go to the Caribbean with him. It sounds so nice, but I can't go. I am mortified to put on a bathing suit around him. He has never seen my body. I usually wear loose-fitting clothes. I think he won't like me anymore if he sees how overweight and out of shape I am.

I am so mad at myself. I haven't exercised in years, and I have the flab to show for it. What should I say to him about the trip? -- Fat and Freaked Out, Los Angeles

DEAR FAT AND FREAKED OUT: I doubt that your boyfriend thinks you have a model's body, even though you work overtime to cover it up. He surely likes you for who you are and is not consumed with how you look.

That said, since you are self-conscious, go ahead and share your doubts with him. Set a fitness goal that you want to reach before you strip down to a bathing suit. Enlist him in walking, jogging, moving. The two of you can work out together, get closer and have the promise of a trip to the beach as a reward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought your advice to the person who was taking a public speaking class and was looking for ways to overcome his or her shyness was great. The most important thing to do is to practice.

I took a public speaking class in high school. The first time I had to speak in front of the class -- doing no more than telling about ourselves -- I was beside myself with nerves. But I was stuck for a semester, so I had to find a way to deal with this.

Practicing my speeches was invaluable. I practiced in front of the mirror, a tape recorder (that's dating myself!) and my family. I learned to make eye contact and always had a detailed outline in front of me that I could glance at when necessary. I not only overcame my nerves and shyness, but I also went on to major in speech communication in college.

I work as a financial consultant and feel the ability to communicate is invaluable. It all started with my first public speaking class. I would like to add that the speaker should always remember he or she is the only one who knows what he or she is going to say. If the speaker makes a mistake, usually no one is the wiser. -- Confident Communicator, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CONFIDENT COMMUNICATOR: It is amazing how many people start out extremely shy when they have to speak to a group of people. I have learned that if you choose to believe that the people who are waiting to hear you speak are friendly souls just like you, it is easier to speak to them.

You are absolutely right that they have no idea what you are going to say, so just go for it and speak. Trust that if you are prepared, you will be able to deliver your message with clarity and intention. It all starts with believing that you can do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old daughter received an expensive gift -- a smartphone -- from her father a few weeks ago. I understand the importance of communication, but I believe he went a little overboard with this purchase. I confronted him and asked why. His response was that he wants the best for his daughter.

To be honest, the best gift for my daughter, in my opinion, would be for her father to be a stabilizing presence in her life. What is he going to give her next -- an Xbox 360, or maybe a pair of $200 sneakers? -- Annoyed Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR ANNOYED MOM: Because you and your ex are co-parenting your daughter, it is imperative that you come to terms on what you value for her at different ages. This may be hard since the two of you are not together.

Be careful not to scold your ex, which might drive him away. Instead, tell him you want to talk about age-appropriate gifts and what it means to give your child "the best." One reason an expensive smartphone may not be wise for an 8-year-old is that it can be easily lost. It also may offer too much access to the Internet, which could be detrimental to a young child if unsupervised.

Ask your ex if he is willing to talk to you before making big purchases. Indeed, it would be wise to set up weekly calls during which you can check in about parenting in general. If you grow accustomed to talking about your daughter without having it be only when you are angry, you stand a better chance of developing healthy habits that you both agree to implement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a returning college student, and I'm having a challenge with the math elements of my microeconomics class. I haven't had to learn a math equation in more than 15 years, and my math skills are rusty.

I told my professor that I was struggling and that I was planning to get a tutor. To my surprise, she advised that I not seek help from a tutor.

I believe she has given me bad advice. I know my academic needs, and I want to do what is best for me and my grades. What should I do? -- College Man, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR COLLEGE MAN: Listen to your gut. If you think you need help, get it. It cannot hurt for you to get a tutor to support you in this class or any other. Especially since you feel rusty in this area, get help, become excellent at math, master this class and prove your value with great work.

Your professor may mean well, but you do not have to forgo support just because she thinks you do not need it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to comment on your column about a caring co-worker who wants to give a younger colleague a coat.

While I don't know the age of the caring co-worker, I would have to guess that she is older. I'm 53 and have lived in the Chicago area for most of my life, and I don't wear a winter coat except to walk the dog. Yesterday the temperature here was 10, with a wind chill in the negative numbers, and I wore my usual medium-weight pullover while running errands. A couple of times, women approached me about the fact I didn't have on a winter coat, and I told them I never wear one. It drove my mother (a nurse) nuts for years (I also go out with wet hair and no hat), but since I'm rarely sick and don't complain about being cold, she has finally come around and doesn't even comment on it anymore.

Also, in the case of the younger generation, my son and his wife (in their early 30s) are rarely in winter coats, either. For them, it's a fashion thing.

I would suggest that the caring co-worker get to know this younger person better before dropping a used coat at her desk. Their taste in clothes could be miles apart. The younger worker might be insulted that someone was so presumptuous as to decide that she needed a used coat. She could be utterly embarrassed to be "mothered," and maybe freaked out that someone is watching so closely her comings and goings and the clothes she's wearing.

On the other hand, if the caring co-worker gets to know this younger person, maybe even "doing lunch" outside the office, that would give her an opportunity to find out if the younger person would be receptive to the idea of a used coat. If she is interested, this sharing also could take place away from the office, where there is less likelihood of others observing and making embarrassing comments -- or, worse, thinking that all their hand-me-down clothes should go to this younger worker.

I think there's a fine line that needs to be walked when giving used clothing, especially when it involves an office setting. -- Coat-Free, Chicago

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to school with a young woman (early 20s) who also did not have a warm coat. She walked several miles to campus rather than taking mass transit, even in the midst of Chicago's cold winters. When I offered her a coat, she said she preferred to layer.

The actual story -- as told by her apartment mate -- was that she was from a wealthy New York City family and apparently felt that living a life of deprivation demonstrated her independence and fortitude. -- Layered, Chicago

DEAR COAT-FREE AND LAYERED: Wow, I got so many wonderful letters about this topic that I decided to run two. You both give great alternative thoughts regarding the wearing of a winter coat -- or not -- in frigid temperatures.

The moral of your stories: Do not assume what another needs. Ask discreetly, and respond accordingly.