DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been interested in a guy for a while, but he was in a long-term relationship. The two of them recently broke up because they "grew apart." I want to ask him out, but I don't want to be insensitive, even though growing apart normally means they don't have romantic feelings for each other anymore. Is there a courtesy period I should wait before making a move? -- In the Wings, Philadelphia

DEAR IN THE WINGS: If you are interested in this man, reach out to him as a friend. Invite him out for coffee, making the overture as neutral as possible.

If he agrees, ask him how he is doing. I recommend that you tell him you are interested in dating him. You do not need to push for trying to date him today, but if you don't say something, there is a good chance he may come to look upon you as a friend. Once you get put into the platonic friend category, it can be incredibly difficult to move into the category of potential romantic partner.

You can tell him that you don't want to be insensitive, but that you do want him to know you care about him and would like to spend more time with him in the future, if he is interested.

The state of his heart will determine his reaction. You may find that he cannot handle another relationship right now. Or he may let you know that he is interested in you and would like to see how things unfold.

He also may indicate that he is not interested in dating you. Pay attention to how he responds and proceed accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I constantly go back and forth on whether I want to stay in a relationship with my girlfriend. She is younger than me, and we are in completely different places in our lives. I'm sometimes embarrassed about our age difference and make her sound older than she is to my friends.

Right now, we're in a good place, but that could end any minute. What should I do? -- Betwixt, Laredo, Texas

DEAR BETWIXT: Age can be an issue in a relationship, but it doesn't have to be.

Lying about your girlfriend's age and feeling so uncomfortable about the status of your bond will surely lead to a breakup, perhaps unnecessarily. So pause for a moment and review your relationship. What do you like about being with this woman, and what doesn't work? Do you believe you are compatible? Do you enjoy each other's company? Why are you so afraid the relationship will end at any moment?

You need to figure out where you stand -- and where your girlfriend stands. Talk it out together to see if you both want to give it a real try. If you cannot get past your apprehension, do yourself and her a favor and move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have used a cleaning service for my home for the last three years. It's owned by a woman (I'll call her Beth) who started the business to support herself and her daughter. She has built it into a pretty good business -- so much so that she has had to hire additional employees to help meet her clients' needs. Her service is bonded and insured.

I recently discovered that about $25,000 worth of jewelry had been stolen from my home within the last six months. We reported the theft to the police, and they are investigating. The items were not insured (I know, my fault).

I told Beth what happened and told her the police would be speaking with her and the employees who cleaned our house. I told her I didn't think she was the thief, but perhaps it was the current employee she has assigned to clean our house or a previous one who is no longer with her. Beth was understandably upset. She said she would cooperate fully and help any way she can, and she informed me again that she is bonded.

I hope the police find my jewelry and the thief so this story will end here. However, if it is not recovered, my husband wants me to file a claim with Beth's bonding company for the value of the jewelry. The jewelry was well hidden, not just lying out, and one of the watches is rare and worth more than $10,000.

I found out that if I file a claim against Beth with her insurance company, that I will get my money back for the stolen jewelry -- but that Beth will be rendered uninsurable and unbondable and may lose her business. Yes, she could clean homes again without being bonded, but word would get out and she would lose clients and definitely not have the successful business she has built.

My husband and I are at odds over this. While I am devastated by the loss of my property and the fact it was not insured, I don't feel right taking an action that would cause Beth to possibly lose her business and her livelihood due to an unscrupulous employee. My husband argues that she should have vetted her employees better and that, as a business owner, she is ultimately responsible for who she hires and for who enters our home when we are not there.

I am asking for a neutral third-party opinion. Harriette, if you were in this situation, what would you do? -- Vacillating, Washington, D.C.

DEAR VACILLATING: This is a tough situation, and I understand your angst.

I would speak to Beth and tell her the choice you face. I would ask if she is able to reimburse you personally for the full amount or an agreed-upon figure -- in essence, if she will settle with you. If you are willing to settle for a smaller amount to recoup some of your loss without hurting her future, you may want to try that. But do remember that she is bonded for these kinds of circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just informed me that he is taking his ex-wife to dinner for her birthday. He said that it is not romantic. He says she has been ill for the past year and he wants to cheer her up. Should I be jealous? -- Just Wondering, Boston

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If indeed your boyfriend is being kind to his former wife to lighten her heart, that sounds like a great thing. It shows that he is a thoughtful person who did not forget her even though they divorced. Further, since he told you about the dinner, he is not trying to cover it up. That's another point in his favor.

Friendliness after divorce is a positive sign. People are not always good together as couples, but that does not mean they have to hate each other or never speak again. You should worry only if you get a sense that the spark is reignited between them.

Instead of becoming suspicious, be curious. Ask your boyfriend about his ex-wife's health -- what is wrong with her, how she is managing and if she has a support system. Find out what role he thinks he should play in her care. By gathering information, you will learn what to expect moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is in response to "Lending a Hand" in Memphis, Tenn., who was concerned about helping her aunt return to college at age 60. I am the director of Graduate Memphis, an initiative that helps such adults finish their education. Our advisers help people select the right school and program to meet their needs, find financial aid if necessary and complete college applications. We stay with the students, as a mentor and adviser, until they graduate.

Your reader's aunt can call our center at 901-415-2774 or visit our website (graduatememphis.org) for more information. Our services are free. We'd be happy to help her.

Having an undereducated work force is one of the big problems facing our economy. Some companies cannot fill jobs and high unemployment exists in some areas because people don't have the specialized skills needed in today's high-tech workplaces. Cities with better-educated work forces tend to have higher tax revenues, less crime, lower poverty rates and citizens who use fewer city services. It's a win-win for everyone.

Initiatives are under way in many cities throughout the country. I encourage any of your readers who have not finished at least a two-year degree to look into the services offered in their locality. They may be surprised at the help that's available. -- Director, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR DIRECTOR: Thank you so much for sharing this valuable information. One of the most daunting aspects of going to college -- at any age -- is the application process. It is a relief to know that your organization and many like it exist across the country.