DEAR HARRIETTE: I have used a cleaning service for my home for the last three years. It's owned by a woman (I'll call her Beth) who started the business to support herself and her daughter. She has built it into a pretty good business -- so much so that she has had to hire additional employees to help meet her clients' needs. Her service is bonded and insured.

I recently discovered that about $25,000 worth of jewelry had been stolen from my home within the last six months. We reported the theft to the police, and they are investigating. The items were not insured (I know, my fault).

I told Beth what happened and told her the police would be speaking with her and the employees who cleaned our house. I told her I didn't think she was the thief, but perhaps it was the current employee she has assigned to clean our house or a previous one who is no longer with her. Beth was understandably upset. She said she would cooperate fully and help any way she can, and she informed me again that she is bonded.

I hope the police find my jewelry and the thief so this story will end here. However, if it is not recovered, my husband wants me to file a claim with Beth's bonding company for the value of the jewelry. The jewelry was well hidden, not just lying out, and one of the watches is rare and worth more than $10,000.

I found out that if I file a claim against Beth with her insurance company, that I will get my money back for the stolen jewelry -- but that Beth will be rendered uninsurable and unbondable and may lose her business. Yes, she could clean homes again without being bonded, but word would get out and she would lose clients and definitely not have the successful business she has built.

My husband and I are at odds over this. While I am devastated by the loss of my property and the fact it was not insured, I don't feel right taking an action that would cause Beth to possibly lose her business and her livelihood due to an unscrupulous employee. My husband argues that she should have vetted her employees better and that, as a business owner, she is ultimately responsible for who she hires and for who enters our home when we are not there.

I am asking for a neutral third-party opinion. Harriette, if you were in this situation, what would you do? -- Vacillating, Washington, D.C.

DEAR VACILLATING: This is a tough situation, and I understand your angst.

I would speak to Beth and tell her the choice you face. I would ask if she is able to reimburse you personally for the full amount or an agreed-upon figure -- in essence, if she will settle with you. If you are willing to settle for a smaller amount to recoup some of your loss without hurting her future, you may want to try that. But do remember that she is bonded for these kinds of circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just informed me that he is taking his ex-wife to dinner for her birthday. He said that it is not romantic. He says she has been ill for the past year and he wants to cheer her up. Should I be jealous? -- Just Wondering, Boston

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If indeed your boyfriend is being kind to his former wife to lighten her heart, that sounds like a great thing. It shows that he is a thoughtful person who did not forget her even though they divorced. Further, since he told you about the dinner, he is not trying to cover it up. That's another point in his favor.

Friendliness after divorce is a positive sign. People are not always good together as couples, but that does not mean they have to hate each other or never speak again. You should worry only if you get a sense that the spark is reignited between them.

Instead of becoming suspicious, be curious. Ask your boyfriend about his ex-wife's health -- what is wrong with her, how she is managing and if she has a support system. Find out what role he thinks he should play in her care. By gathering information, you will learn what to expect moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is in response to "Lending a Hand" in Memphis, Tenn., who was concerned about helping her aunt return to college at age 60. I am the director of Graduate Memphis, an initiative that helps such adults finish their education. Our advisers help people select the right school and program to meet their needs, find financial aid if necessary and complete college applications. We stay with the students, as a mentor and adviser, until they graduate.

Your reader's aunt can call our center at 901-415-2774 or visit our website (graduatememphis.org) for more information. Our services are free. We'd be happy to help her.

Having an undereducated work force is one of the big problems facing our economy. Some companies cannot fill jobs and high unemployment exists in some areas because people don't have the specialized skills needed in today's high-tech workplaces. Cities with better-educated work forces tend to have higher tax revenues, less crime, lower poverty rates and citizens who use fewer city services. It's a win-win for everyone.

Initiatives are under way in many cities throughout the country. I encourage any of your readers who have not finished at least a two-year degree to look into the services offered in their locality. They may be surprised at the help that's available. -- Director, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR DIRECTOR: Thank you so much for sharing this valuable information. One of the most daunting aspects of going to college -- at any age -- is the application process. It is a relief to know that your organization and many like it exist across the country.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned the other day that my best friend from back home had an affair with my boyfriend from high school. Yes, this happened years ago, but still. How gross! It came up in conversation the other day when we were reminiscing. We have remained close for all these years, and I can't believe she would do that to me.

I am having all kinds of feelings about this, which I figure is stupid. We are in our 40s now. But I can't help but wonder if she has done other things to deceive me. How do I find out? -- Deceived, Saginaw, Mich.

DEAR DECEIVED: Because she is such a longtime friend, assume the positive. Ask your friend why she told you about the affair now. Tell her that her revelation has thrown you emotionally and that you are not yet steady. Ask if there is anything else she has kept from you that you should know. Be honest with her, and if you feel you need to have a little space from her, make that clear.

Then try your best to forgive her. No one can change the actions of the past. What you can do is align yourself with your friend and agree to put the past behind you -- that is, unless something else comes up that you have to address.

I would avoid asking questions about the affair. It is much wiser to live in the present if you want harmony in your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building, and my next-door neighbor is so loud that I can hear him whenever he is in his apartment. The walls are thin in our building, and I think he doesn't have any carpeting. Plus, he keeps very different hours from me. He is keeping me up and driving me crazy.

How can I address his loudness? I don't want to upset him, but honestly, he is frustrating me to no end. -- On the Brink, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR ON THE BRINK: Start with a positive outlook. There is a good chance your neighbor does not realize how loud and disturbing he is, especially if you have not mentioned it to him.

Knock on his door and ask if you can chat for a minute. Then tell him that you are having trouble sleeping and getting any peace because you can hear his every move. Ask if he would be willing to help you by being more mindful of his noise levels.

Ask if he has carpeting, and if he does not, encourage him to put down a few rugs. Be as specific as you can about what might help you to be more comfortable.