DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just informed me that he is taking his ex-wife to dinner for her birthday. He said that it is not romantic. He says she has been ill for the past year and he wants to cheer her up. Should I be jealous? -- Just Wondering, Boston

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If indeed your boyfriend is being kind to his former wife to lighten her heart, that sounds like a great thing. It shows that he is a thoughtful person who did not forget her even though they divorced. Further, since he told you about the dinner, he is not trying to cover it up. That's another point in his favor.

Friendliness after divorce is a positive sign. People are not always good together as couples, but that does not mean they have to hate each other or never speak again. You should worry only if you get a sense that the spark is reignited between them.

Instead of becoming suspicious, be curious. Ask your boyfriend about his ex-wife's health -- what is wrong with her, how she is managing and if she has a support system. Find out what role he thinks he should play in her care. By gathering information, you will learn what to expect moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is in response to "Lending a Hand" in Memphis, Tenn., who was concerned about helping her aunt return to college at age 60. I am the director of Graduate Memphis, an initiative that helps such adults finish their education. Our advisers help people select the right school and program to meet their needs, find financial aid if necessary and complete college applications. We stay with the students, as a mentor and adviser, until they graduate.

Your reader's aunt can call our center at 901-415-2774 or visit our website (graduatememphis.org) for more information. Our services are free. We'd be happy to help her.

Having an undereducated work force is one of the big problems facing our economy. Some companies cannot fill jobs and high unemployment exists in some areas because people don't have the specialized skills needed in today's high-tech workplaces. Cities with better-educated work forces tend to have higher tax revenues, less crime, lower poverty rates and citizens who use fewer city services. It's a win-win for everyone.

Initiatives are under way in many cities throughout the country. I encourage any of your readers who have not finished at least a two-year degree to look into the services offered in their locality. They may be surprised at the help that's available. -- Director, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR DIRECTOR: Thank you so much for sharing this valuable information. One of the most daunting aspects of going to college -- at any age -- is the application process. It is a relief to know that your organization and many like it exist across the country.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned the other day that my best friend from back home had an affair with my boyfriend from high school. Yes, this happened years ago, but still. How gross! It came up in conversation the other day when we were reminiscing. We have remained close for all these years, and I can't believe she would do that to me.

I am having all kinds of feelings about this, which I figure is stupid. We are in our 40s now. But I can't help but wonder if she has done other things to deceive me. How do I find out? -- Deceived, Saginaw, Mich.

DEAR DECEIVED: Because she is such a longtime friend, assume the positive. Ask your friend why she told you about the affair now. Tell her that her revelation has thrown you emotionally and that you are not yet steady. Ask if there is anything else she has kept from you that you should know. Be honest with her, and if you feel you need to have a little space from her, make that clear.

Then try your best to forgive her. No one can change the actions of the past. What you can do is align yourself with your friend and agree to put the past behind you -- that is, unless something else comes up that you have to address.

I would avoid asking questions about the affair. It is much wiser to live in the present if you want harmony in your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building, and my next-door neighbor is so loud that I can hear him whenever he is in his apartment. The walls are thin in our building, and I think he doesn't have any carpeting. Plus, he keeps very different hours from me. He is keeping me up and driving me crazy.

How can I address his loudness? I don't want to upset him, but honestly, he is frustrating me to no end. -- On the Brink, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR ON THE BRINK: Start with a positive outlook. There is a good chance your neighbor does not realize how loud and disturbing he is, especially if you have not mentioned it to him.

Knock on his door and ask if you can chat for a minute. Then tell him that you are having trouble sleeping and getting any peace because you can hear his every move. Ask if he would be willing to help you by being more mindful of his noise levels.

Ask if he has carpeting, and if he does not, encourage him to put down a few rugs. Be as specific as you can about what might help you to be more comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant cannot find anything. I give her a task to complete that includes filing materials or simply putting things away. When I ask for them later, she looks around dumbfounded and never finds them. I then go to look for the items and, voila, there they are.

This is so frustrating. I have suggested systems that she can use, including labeling things so it's clear where they go, yet she never can find anything. When I interviewed her, I made it clear that organization was a big part of her job. She led me to believe she could do it.

We're at the three-month point. Do I keep her or cut my losses? -- At Wit's End, Washington, D.C.

DEAR AT WIT'S END: Evaluate your assistant on all that she does well and poorly. Be as thorough as possible regarding the tasks you need her to fulfill. If the pros outweigh the cons, keep her and continue to support her in improving her skills. If her skills do not meet your needs, let her go. Be sure to tell her why so that she can grow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your column every day. Today it made my blood boil. It involved a reader who was complaining about moochers on government programs. You responded that no one should assume that someone -- parent, friend or the government -- will take care of them forever.

You are both ignorant about this matter. I have a problem with people who pump out kids and don't work and live off the government because they are lazy. I am dependent on the government, but I am not lazy, and I have no kids. I am 33 and disabled; I will never be independent. It's not my choice. It's my reality. I work two hours, four days a week. I'm trying to do what I can, but I will never be able to support myself. I am not going to get better, only worse.

Don't lump everyone who is dependent on government aid into one category. Some people choose not to support themselves. Others wish they could. There is a difference. -- Offended, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR OFFENDED: The last thing I intended to do was to offend you or anyone else on government assistance.

The topic of government aid is debated often on many points, including the one you and the original writer made about "moochers." My position is fairly straightforward. I know there are well-meaning people who, for a variety of reasons, need and should receive government support to live. Like you, many such people are disabled or ill.

I also believe that no matter how great the need, nothing is promised forever. When governments have gone into economic crisis, cuts have occurred that imperiled people on public assistance. Even the most deserving may experience a loss of support through no fault of their own. That, in part, is what I was getting at in saying that nothing is promised forever.

What's great about your writing in to share your story is that someone may read it and see that there are decent, hard-working people out there who need and receive support.