DEAR HARRIETTE: My fourth-grader is learning a lot about the history of our country, and this month the curriculum has been focused on segregation and the Jim Crow South. As he brings home the stories they are learning, I am happy to know that the school is taking this part of his education seriously. But I also have been upset by some of the stories of racial discrimination in our nation.

It's not that I didn't know about this stuff, but I hate that my child has to be exposed to some of these awful parts of our past at such a young age. How can I talk about this topic with my son without getting upset? -- Unsettled Mom, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR UNSETTLED MOM: I do not think you should try to cover up your emotional reaction to the material your son is learning. Part of our history is painful, especially as it relates to discrimination.

Do not diminish the horror of the stories that your son is bringing home. Instead, let him recount to you what he has learned. If you are not fully up to speed on the stories, do research with him to learn more.

Ask your son to share his feelings about the information he is learning in class. Tell him how it makes you feel. Be as honest as you can. If you have personal stories that reflect discrimination, share one or two that will give your son insight into what you or your family have endured.

You also can ask his teacher for support. The teacher may have materials you can read or advice on how to address some of the topics that are coming up in regard to this curriculum.

Bottom line: This discussion is a great thing. To know our history is to be empowered. Be sure your son understands that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How much is too much money to spend on a first date? I'm a college student, and I want to ask out my crush. I want to take her to a fancy restaurant and buy her a bouquet of roses, which I think is romantic. But my friend says that would be too expensive for a first date.

What do you think? Is there an appropriate amount of money to spend on a first date? -- Eager to Impress, Gallup, N.M.

DEAR EAGER TO IMPRESS: There is no set limit on how much to spend on a first date, other than that you should not break your bank. Rather than attempting to spend as much as you possibly can, though, get creative.

What do you like about this woman? What do you know about her preferences? Rather than selecting a fancy restaurant, pick one off the beaten path that reflects her personality.

Roses are nice, but is there another flower that better represents her personality? The more specific your choices are, the more successful you will likely be at wowing your crush.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am teaching my children how to write and send thank-you cards for gifts they receive on occasions such as birthdays. One question came up that I did not know how to answer, so I wanted to ask you.

When a kid attends my son's birthday party but does not bring a gift, should my son send a card to thank that kid for coming to his party? What is the etiquette for that? -- Mom, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR MOM: The kindest, most inclusive thing you can do is to write a thank-you note to each child who attended the party. Those who came bearing gifts should be thanked for their specific gifts. If a guest's gift was his or her presence, write a note that thanks him or her for being there and sharing the special time.

While etiquette does not require that you write that extra thank-you note, I recommend it, because it is being offered in the true spirit of gratitude. The gift of a person's company is more precious than a thing, even if the object given is expensive.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and I get along pretty well, but sometimes when he's stressed or in a bad mood, he takes it out on me. Recently, because my textbook for a class we share never came, I asked to borrow his textbook for a couple of hours. I didn't even take it out of the room, but he made it sound like he was making such a huge sacrifice by letting me borrow it.

How can I deal with his annoying moments? -- Frustrated Student, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR FRUSTRATED STUDENT: You are understandably sensitive about needing your textbook and not having it. That your roommate has the same book and that you asked to borrow it briefly makes logical sense. Where logic stops, in my estimation, is with your feeling that he is annoying because he is not as eager to let you borrow the book as you would like him to be.

People can be protective of their valuables. For a student, a textbook is at the top of the valuables list. Rather than assume that your roommate is being rude, mean or stressed out, consider that he may simply be reluctant to let anyone borrow his book, including you.

Rather than reacting negatively to him, be completely forthcoming. Acknowledge that you realize you are asking a lot to request borrowing his book. Tell him the status of your book, including when you expect to receive it. Suggest using his book when he is working on other assignments. If he remains highly irritated, go to the library and see if you can use a copy there until yours arrives.

Do your best not to get a chip on your shoulder about this. Your roommate may be temperamental. If so, you will need to figure out how to deal with him during those times. Work on setting boundaries that take both of your personalities into consideration.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I don't know where the years went. I used to be cute and thin and attractive, or so I thought. Now I look overweight and sad.

I guess I am kind of sad. My boyfriend left me a few months ago, and I feel bad. I don't know if this is a midlife crisis, like people talk about. All I know is I hate looking at myself, and I don't really like my life so much. I go to work and come home and don't do much else. I need to get out of this rut. -- In a Hole, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR IN A HOLE: You have mentioned several things that could lead to self-doubt. The aging process is real for everyone. It can be hard to accept that your body is changing in ways you don't like -- especially if you once were thin and now are not, and only now are realizing that it can be troublesome.

The great news is that you can do something about your weight. Step away from the mirror and into a gym, or even turn on an exercise program on TV. You will be amazed that moving your body can help you get fit and improve your mental outlook. It will not happen overnight, but it does work.

As far as the ex-boyfriend, it is important to mourn the loss of that relationship and move on. Remember what you appreciated about that bond, as well as what didn't work. Recall what you liked about yourself, then embrace those qualities. Reflect on what you liked and disliked about your boyfriend. The things you appreciated should be the qualities you look for in a potential new partner.

If you have any girlfriends to hang out with, make a date with them to go out and have a good time talking and laughing. Look for easy, fun opportunities to bring joy into your life.

Also, look for a therapist who can help you think through your state of mind and find some peace within yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go on vacation, but my husband doesn't want to go anywhere. Every time I ask him, he shrugs it off and says he isn't leaving his house.

My girlfriends are going on a spa vacation for a long weekend, and I think that would be really fun. I want to go, but I'm afraid to mention it to my husband. How can I bring it up? -- Need a Vacation, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR NEED A VACATION: Your husband may be thrilled that you have a getaway option with your friends that will satisfy your thirst for travel without a commitment on his part. With excitement, tell him about the idea. He may surprise you and be happy about your plan.