DEAR HARRIETTE: I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I don't know where the years went. I used to be cute and thin and attractive, or so I thought. Now I look overweight and sad.

I guess I am kind of sad. My boyfriend left me a few months ago, and I feel bad. I don't know if this is a midlife crisis, like people talk about. All I know is I hate looking at myself, and I don't really like my life so much. I go to work and come home and don't do much else. I need to get out of this rut. -- In a Hole, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR IN A HOLE: You have mentioned several things that could lead to self-doubt. The aging process is real for everyone. It can be hard to accept that your body is changing in ways you don't like -- especially if you once were thin and now are not, and only now are realizing that it can be troublesome.

The great news is that you can do something about your weight. Step away from the mirror and into a gym, or even turn on an exercise program on TV. You will be amazed that moving your body can help you get fit and improve your mental outlook. It will not happen overnight, but it does work.

As far as the ex-boyfriend, it is important to mourn the loss of that relationship and move on. Remember what you appreciated about that bond, as well as what didn't work. Recall what you liked about yourself, then embrace those qualities. Reflect on what you liked and disliked about your boyfriend. The things you appreciated should be the qualities you look for in a potential new partner.

If you have any girlfriends to hang out with, make a date with them to go out and have a good time talking and laughing. Look for easy, fun opportunities to bring joy into your life.

Also, look for a therapist who can help you think through your state of mind and find some peace within yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go on vacation, but my husband doesn't want to go anywhere. Every time I ask him, he shrugs it off and says he isn't leaving his house.

My girlfriends are going on a spa vacation for a long weekend, and I think that would be really fun. I want to go, but I'm afraid to mention it to my husband. How can I bring it up? -- Need a Vacation, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR NEED A VACATION: Your husband may be thrilled that you have a getaway option with your friends that will satisfy your thirst for travel without a commitment on his part. With excitement, tell him about the idea. He may surprise you and be happy about your plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother lost his wife more than 10 years ago, and still he regularly talks about her as if they were together yesterday. It used to be sweet, but now it seems weird. He is still young. My family thinks it would be healthy for him to meet someone and date again, but he hasn't dated at all since his wife died.

He doesn't seem to be in mourning. He works and does his daily duties, but he lives a lot in the past. He visits her grave every other weekend, and he is attached to her in a way that seems odd. How can we get him to snap out of it? -- Concerned Sibling, Chicago

DEAR CONCERNED SIBLING: Sometimes true love begins and ends with one relationship. It could be that your brother has enough love only for his deceased wife. He would not be the first person to have such an experience. There are countless stories of widows and widowers who pine for their spouses long after they are gone.

I knew an elderly man who lost his wife. He went to the cemetery every weekend to play his horn in honor of her life. Over time, he started to have female companions, but he was clear about where his heart belonged.

Your brother could be like that. He could also potentially benefit from professional support. A grief specialist may be able to help him see how he can honor his wife and live in the present. Do the research to find a counselor in your area. Encourage your brother to meet with him or her.

Know that ultimately, this is your brother's life. He may choose to stay in the shadows of his past. All you can do is introduce him to the idea that he can love his wife and still move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into an email argument with an official at my son's school, and I pushed back hard. While I was telling the truth, I know I reacted harshly.

I'm wondering if it's appropriate to apologize or if I should let it go. I have had other head-butting incidents with these people in the past, but usually I keep my cool. This time, I had had enough. I was so angry that I blew up. I know that is not the best way to communicate. -- Hot Head, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR HOT HEAD: Trust your gut. If you think you were more intense than the moment required, say so. You can speak to the official in person or write a note that expresses your regret for coming on so strong.

Know that by apologizing for your tone, you are not necessarily apologizing for your message. It would be good to make that clear. Let the official know that you hope the core issue will be addressed in an expeditious manner AND that you are sorry you got so upset when delivering your message.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a vendor who travels to different trade shows to sell things. Often, out of courtesy, the vendors buy from other vendors who are near them. I usually do this, but the past few shows had low consumer turnout, and I didn't make much money. The last thing I could afford to do was spend money. I felt bad about it, though, since we usually support one another.

Should I have said something to the others? I didn't. I just left. -- Embarrassed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I like the support that you and your small-business associates have offered one another. It is lovely to make the gesture of actually purchasing something from the businesses surrounding you. At the same time, you are smart to tighten your purse strings as needed.

It would have been nice if you had said something, since you have set the expectation that you often make a purchase. It is not the end of the world, though.

Next time, wish every vendor well as you start out. At the end, if you cannot afford to make a purchase and you are near people with whom you have a history, say that this time you cannot support them with a purchase but that you do give them your good wishes. To the rest, be pleasant and offer your best wishes for their continued success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that a former co-worker who moved on to a really big job has been fired. It hasn't hit the news yet, and I'm not sure what to do. I like her a lot and want to support her. I imagine that she could use a friend at this time.

Should I reach out to her? I don't want to embarrass her because of this knowledge. I want to be an available friend. -- Friendly Shoulder, Los Angeles

DEAR FRIENDLY SHOULDER: You have the right attitude in a prickly situation. When someone loses a job, a friend's support can be tremendously helpful. It is also true that people sometimes want to be left alone after a job loss. If your friend's loss becomes public knowledge, that makes her situation even more uncomfortable to navigate.

You cannot know how she will respond until you reach out. Get in touch with her in the same way you normally do, whether it be cellphone, text or visit. If you have to leave her a message, let her know you are thinking about her and wishing her well. Invite her to lunch or tea.

Sometimes when people lose their jobs they become reclusive, and an invitation to step out of their space can be welcome. You will soon find out how your friend responds to your offer. If you don't hear back right away, give her time and try again in a few days.