DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother lost his wife more than 10 years ago, and still he regularly talks about her as if they were together yesterday. It used to be sweet, but now it seems weird. He is still young. My family thinks it would be healthy for him to meet someone and date again, but he hasn't dated at all since his wife died.

He doesn't seem to be in mourning. He works and does his daily duties, but he lives a lot in the past. He visits her grave every other weekend, and he is attached to her in a way that seems odd. How can we get him to snap out of it? -- Concerned Sibling, Chicago

DEAR CONCERNED SIBLING: Sometimes true love begins and ends with one relationship. It could be that your brother has enough love only for his deceased wife. He would not be the first person to have such an experience. There are countless stories of widows and widowers who pine for their spouses long after they are gone.

I knew an elderly man who lost his wife. He went to the cemetery every weekend to play his horn in honor of her life. Over time, he started to have female companions, but he was clear about where his heart belonged.

Your brother could be like that. He could also potentially benefit from professional support. A grief specialist may be able to help him see how he can honor his wife and live in the present. Do the research to find a counselor in your area. Encourage your brother to meet with him or her.

Know that ultimately, this is your brother's life. He may choose to stay in the shadows of his past. All you can do is introduce him to the idea that he can love his wife and still move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into an email argument with an official at my son's school, and I pushed back hard. While I was telling the truth, I know I reacted harshly.

I'm wondering if it's appropriate to apologize or if I should let it go. I have had other head-butting incidents with these people in the past, but usually I keep my cool. This time, I had had enough. I was so angry that I blew up. I know that is not the best way to communicate. -- Hot Head, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR HOT HEAD: Trust your gut. If you think you were more intense than the moment required, say so. You can speak to the official in person or write a note that expresses your regret for coming on so strong.

Know that by apologizing for your tone, you are not necessarily apologizing for your message. It would be good to make that clear. Let the official know that you hope the core issue will be addressed in an expeditious manner AND that you are sorry you got so upset when delivering your message.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a vendor who travels to different trade shows to sell things. Often, out of courtesy, the vendors buy from other vendors who are near them. I usually do this, but the past few shows had low consumer turnout, and I didn't make much money. The last thing I could afford to do was spend money. I felt bad about it, though, since we usually support one another.

Should I have said something to the others? I didn't. I just left. -- Embarrassed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I like the support that you and your small-business associates have offered one another. It is lovely to make the gesture of actually purchasing something from the businesses surrounding you. At the same time, you are smart to tighten your purse strings as needed.

It would have been nice if you had said something, since you have set the expectation that you often make a purchase. It is not the end of the world, though.

Next time, wish every vendor well as you start out. At the end, if you cannot afford to make a purchase and you are near people with whom you have a history, say that this time you cannot support them with a purchase but that you do give them your good wishes. To the rest, be pleasant and offer your best wishes for their continued success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that a former co-worker who moved on to a really big job has been fired. It hasn't hit the news yet, and I'm not sure what to do. I like her a lot and want to support her. I imagine that she could use a friend at this time.

Should I reach out to her? I don't want to embarrass her because of this knowledge. I want to be an available friend. -- Friendly Shoulder, Los Angeles

DEAR FRIENDLY SHOULDER: You have the right attitude in a prickly situation. When someone loses a job, a friend's support can be tremendously helpful. It is also true that people sometimes want to be left alone after a job loss. If your friend's loss becomes public knowledge, that makes her situation even more uncomfortable to navigate.

You cannot know how she will respond until you reach out. Get in touch with her in the same way you normally do, whether it be cellphone, text or visit. If you have to leave her a message, let her know you are thinking about her and wishing her well. Invite her to lunch or tea.

Sometimes when people lose their jobs they become reclusive, and an invitation to step out of their space can be welcome. You will soon find out how your friend responds to your offer. If you don't hear back right away, give her time and try again in a few days.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a homeless man at my friend's church. I walked by him as I entered the church, and he stopped and talked to me and was very pleasant. Before we parted ways, he reached out to shake my hand, which I did. But afterward, my hand started itching -- seriously.

After a bit, I went and washed my hands, but I felt so bad. I don't want to be the type of person who is any particular way about people in need. As my mother would always say, "There but for the grace of God go I." I feel horrible that I even had to wash my hand, but honestly, it started itching.

How can I change my attitude so that something like this won't upset me in the future? -- Itchy, Harlem, N.Y.

DEAR ITCHY: Take a deep breath and relax. Slowly review the moment you shared with the homeless man. It sounds as if you had a positive exchange. You stopped and talked with him, one human being to another. You were respectful, and you parted ways kindly. You should feel only positive things about that aspect of your encounter.

As far as cleanliness and handshaking go, you absolutely did the right thing to wash your hands. It is possible that your hand itched after shaking another hand that may not have been clean.

By the way, lack of cleanliness is not relegated to one particular group. Many people who are not homeless fail to wash their hands when they use the restroom. But obviously the chances of someone who is homeless having dirty, calloused or infectious hands is more likely. Do not feel bad about washing your hands. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you practical.

To avoid being upset by something like this in the future, adopt a practical attitude. Be cordial with everyone. Speak further to the people who attract your attention. Limit whom you touch, especially if you don't know them. But never pass judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed that a young college graduate who recently came to work at my company never wears a coat. She wears what look like lightweight jackets and such. When I asked her about it, she shrugged it off, saying that what she wears is cool.

It is cold where we live. I wonder if she can't afford a coat. She has an entry-level job, and she moved from Florida. Would it be OK for me to offer to give her a coat that I have? I don't want to insult her, but she needs it. -- Caring Co-worker, Chicago

DEAR CARING CO-WORKER: You never know if she will accept your offer, but it is worth a try. Discreetly bring a coat (the one you think she is most likely to wear) to work in a bag and give it to her, saying you brought her a present. Do not press her to react, respond or wear the coat. Let her take it from there.