DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a homeless man at my friend's church. I walked by him as I entered the church, and he stopped and talked to me and was very pleasant. Before we parted ways, he reached out to shake my hand, which I did. But afterward, my hand started itching -- seriously.

After a bit, I went and washed my hands, but I felt so bad. I don't want to be the type of person who is any particular way about people in need. As my mother would always say, "There but for the grace of God go I." I feel horrible that I even had to wash my hand, but honestly, it started itching.

How can I change my attitude so that something like this won't upset me in the future? -- Itchy, Harlem, N.Y.

DEAR ITCHY: Take a deep breath and relax. Slowly review the moment you shared with the homeless man. It sounds as if you had a positive exchange. You stopped and talked with him, one human being to another. You were respectful, and you parted ways kindly. You should feel only positive things about that aspect of your encounter.

As far as cleanliness and handshaking go, you absolutely did the right thing to wash your hands. It is possible that your hand itched after shaking another hand that may not have been clean.

By the way, lack of cleanliness is not relegated to one particular group. Many people who are not homeless fail to wash their hands when they use the restroom. But obviously the chances of someone who is homeless having dirty, calloused or infectious hands is more likely. Do not feel bad about washing your hands. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you practical.

To avoid being upset by something like this in the future, adopt a practical attitude. Be cordial with everyone. Speak further to the people who attract your attention. Limit whom you touch, especially if you don't know them. But never pass judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed that a young college graduate who recently came to work at my company never wears a coat. She wears what look like lightweight jackets and such. When I asked her about it, she shrugged it off, saying that what she wears is cool.

It is cold where we live. I wonder if she can't afford a coat. She has an entry-level job, and she moved from Florida. Would it be OK for me to offer to give her a coat that I have? I don't want to insult her, but she needs it. -- Caring Co-worker, Chicago

DEAR CARING CO-WORKER: You never know if she will accept your offer, but it is worth a try. Discreetly bring a coat (the one you think she is most likely to wear) to work in a bag and give it to her, saying you brought her a present. Do not press her to react, respond or wear the coat. Let her take it from there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: People often mistake me for a celebrity. Quite a few people have come up and asked me if I am a certain pop star or TV actress. At first I was annoyed, but now I'm thinking maybe I should go into entertainment. If people already think I'm famous, why shouldn't I try to become famous? How would I go about doing that? -- Near Fame, Racine, Wis.

DEAR NEAR FAME: I can see why you would imagine that there is a road toward fame that is paved by a familiar face. That may even be true, but I must tell you that it is unlikely.

It's fine to feel flattered that people mistake you for somebody famous. But rather than trying to become famous by looking like someone else, why not use the opportunity to tell people who you are?

What are your interests? What do you do now? What are your dreams for the future? I say, focus on YOU. Develop your interests and talents. Become great at being you. That will then attract others to you for the right reasons.

That you happen to have a familiar face may help you to open doors. Just make sure the doors are those you want to open.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a great guy last weekend. It was at the party of a mutual friend, and the two of us seriously hit it off. We have talked on the phone every day since, and we've had three dates already. I like him a lot, and I can tell that he likes me, too. Everything has been going great.

I'm writing because he just asked if I would like to go to California with him next week. He has to go for business, and he has invited me to come and hang out with him when he's not working.

The offer is really exciting, but I'm afraid it's moving way too fast. I like him, but I feel like if I go on a trip with him, he will have certain expectations of me. I'm not a fast-moving girl, and I don't want to give him the wrong impression. Of course, I would love to go with him to California, but I don't want to make a good thing messy. What should I do? -- Tempted, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TEMPTED: The best way to stay clear of temptation is to avoid it. If it feels too early for you to go on a trip with this man, that means it is too early -- for you. If there is a future for the two of you, a little time apart will not stymie that.

Thank your beau for the invitation. Tell him that you think it's lovely that he invited you to join him on this trip but that you will be unable to go. Suggest that you make plans now for when he returns.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I take a weekly public speaking class where we are encouraged to share our work in front of the class. There is one problem: I am terribly shy, and I do not know if I can talk in front of the class. Can you give me some pointers on how to overcome my shyness? -- At a Loss for Words, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR AT A LOSS FOR WORDS: Congratulations on taking a class that will help you face one of your fears. That took a lot of courage.

One thing that will be important for you to remember is that you are taking a class. Your teacher and classmates do not expect you to already be a great public speaker. You are there to learn. Chances are, your classmates are a little skittish, too. Rather than succumbing to your fear, think about the class members as support for one another. Your attitude will help you to have more confidence.

Practice speaking at home in front of a mirror. Stand up straight and tall, with your feet hip-distance apart. Relax your shoulders. Take a deep breath. Look in the mirror and smile. Recite your speech, looking down at your paper momentarily and then looking up and out.

Move from the mirror to your living room. If you live with someone, ask him or her to be your audience. (You also can pretend that people are sitting in empty chairs.) Practice speaking to a room full of "people" and making eye contact as you speak. This will make it easier when you present speeches to your class.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cellphone apparently pocket-dialed my wife's phone, and my wife heard a conversation I had with a co-worker. I needed to vent to someone who would listen, because I have not had the best relationship with my wife in the past few months.

After my workday, I went home to an angry wife. She was disappointed with me because I told a friend about our problems instead of talking to her first. How can I prevent this from happening again? -- Talk Too Much, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR TALK TOO MUCH: Start by apologizing sincerely for upsetting your wife. Explain that it was not your intention to do so, and that you needed to talk out your feelings with someone before talking to her. This is probably something she understands, even if it made her angry. Most people need a friend who is willing to listen when they are upset about something.

To prevent this in the future, start talking to your wife about your issues. Ask if she would be willing to have an honest conversation about the state of your relationship. Explain your concerns in as calm a manner as you can muster. Ask her what she is thinking and feeling.

If you two are able to talk without arguing, keep it going and do your best to address the challenges in your marriage. If you are unable to speak to each other civilly, you may want to seek out a professional to help you. A marriage counselor may be able to guide your conversation and give you tools for more productive communication, especially during difficult times.