DEAR HARRIETTE: My family, with their three teenagers, came to visit recently. I am almost certain that one of them stole some of my clothes. The girls were trying things on one day when we were playing around. I let one of them wear a jacket of mine, and another borrowed a pair of pants one day. They gave them back and I washed them, so it was clear that I wasn't giving them away. But several clothing items, things they tried on, are missing.

I have looked everywhere, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to accuse them of stealing. How can I inquire about the whereabouts of my things without causing a stir? -- Missing My Stuff, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR MISSING MY STUFF: Before you say anything, scour your home once more to see if you can find the clothing. Look under the bed, behind the sofa, near where the teenagers slept, in the back of your closet. Do a thorough search to be sure you do not have these things yourself.

If you do not, I vote for the direct question. Call the teens and explain that you cannot find the items in question anywhere. Be specific about which clothes you are missing, and remind them of the time they tried them on. Ask if they have the items. Tell them you are wondering if perhaps they inadvertently picked them up.

Speak directly to the teens, but also let their parents know of your concern. Ask the parents to follow up to see if your clothes are actually in their house.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband grew up with all boys. Ever since we first got together, I have been carefully pointing out things that girls appreciate. Among them is taking a shower before getting in bed. He is not enthusiastic about that at all. He says, "What difference does it make?"

I give him a list that ends up sounding like I am badgering him. I don't want to be a nuisance. But I do want my husband to be clean when I cuddle up next to him at night.

How can I get that across to him? He has a physically demanding job and rarely smells fresh at the end of the day. -- Looking for Mr. Clean, Atlanta

DEAR LOOKING FOR MR. CLEAN: Make the idea of taking a shower before bed more appealing by offering to share the shower! If you can spice it up by making the action seem like fun and by attaching a potential reward to the simple action, you may get much better results.

You can also gently tell him that you want to snuggle with him, and it would be so much better if he were fresh and clean for you. Ask him to rinse off the residue of the day and make himself ready. Since this is new, it may take some time to get him into a pattern of cleanliness, but it's worth the effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 80-year-old mother is in good physical health, which is a blessing. She stays in close touch with my brother and me. But that is sort of the problem.

She lives alone, and I think she's lonely and bored. She calls me at least three times a day, including when I am at work. She doesn't like it when I cannot take her calls. I try to explain to her that it's best for me to talk after work, but she doesn't remember.

I am at my wit's end. I can't talk to my mother every few minutes. How do I tell her this without hurting her feelings? -- No Time to Chat, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NO TIME TO CHAT: It's a blessing that you have your mother. She is probably calling you because she doesn't have anything else to do. Since she is in good health and seemingly bored, why not do some research and figure out activities that might interest her? Helping her get involved in daytime activities would be more constructive than reprimanding her.

There may be a local senior center that offers day programs for senior citizens. Many of these programs include art, computer, dance and even culinary classes. Ask your mother if you can sign her up for one. Then when you do talk, the conversation will be that much more interesting!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend called me out of the blue. He said he was in town, and he wanted to know if we could get together. We broke up four years ago, and I hadn't heard from him since. Now he's coming back like I want to talk to him.

I feel uneasy about this. I loved him, and he really hurt my feelings. What if he does something that will hurt me again? Should I not return his calls? Should I see him? Or should I just act like I didn't hear from him? -- Cautious, Salt Lake City

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Will you obsess over him if you do not respond? I think that is the real question.

It sounds as if you've jumped back on the emotional roller coaster that you rode at the end of your relationship. Step off and observe the situation. Why are you feeling so distraught? What do you want from this man, if anything? What are you hoping for?

If you think you can be grounded when you speak to him, start with a call. Ask what he wants to meet about. Press him for context. If you think you can manage a face-to-face meeting, suggest a public location and go for it. But don't make it a reunion meeting. Your goal should be finding out what's on his mind. If he seems vague, press him for why he has reappeared at this time.

Avoid confronting him about his past behavior, at least at first. Listen. Based upon what he says, you will know what your next steps should be. Don't presume to know the nature of his communication. Let him tell you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a meeting with a colleague the other day where I was supposed to make a presentation to our client. My colleague was supposed to be there as an observer and to help answer any questions.

As it turned out, he jumped in before I even got started and basically stole my presentation. I could hardly get a word in edgewise. I was so angry. How should I handle this? The client was pleased and we got the business, but my co-worker overstepped his bounds. -- Irked, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IRKED: Ask your colleague directly why he chose to overstep the boundaries of your meeting and jump in the way he did. Tell him that although of course you are glad the business was secured, you do not appreciate the way he handled it. Get him to talk about his motive.

Perhaps he wanted to prove that he can pitch. He may have felt that you were moving too slowly in the beginning. He also may have intended to usurp your position. You won't know until you talk to him about it.

Include in your conversation a recommendation for how you can work together moving forward. Because the deal was secured, you may want to keep him around even if he did annoy you. Suggest that you divide up duties so both of you will have important roles in meetings, since clearly he does not want to be an observer. But it is important to establish ground rules for how you can best work together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I owe my best friend a sizable amount of money. I borrowed it from her a couple of months ago and promised to repay her as soon as possible. Time is ticking. Even though we didn't set a particular date, I feel like I should say something to her. I don't have the money, but I don't want her to think I'm blowing it off. I could give her little bits over time. Do you think it's OK to suggest that? -- Empty Pockets, Shreveport, La.

DEAR EMPTY POCKETS: It is smart to follow up with your friend and give her a status report. Tell her that you have not forgotten your debt but that you do not yet have the funds to repay her.

If you think you can manage a payment plan, ask if she would accept it. Paying her in small increments could make it easier for you to pay down your debt, and you'd feel less guilty because you would be addressing the issue. Just know that if you promise to pay, you should not renege on your promise. Your friend needs to be able to trust that you will do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it!