DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is having a challenge with her teacher, and I'm not sure how to handle it. The other day she came home and told me her teacher spoke to her in a way that made her feel like the teacher thinks she is an idiot. My daughter is in the third grade.

I know this teacher can be sharp and harsh with her students. I believe she thinks this is the way to get them to behave. My daughter has never used language like that before to talk about herself or anybody else. "Idiot" is a strong word, like a curse word in our house.

I want to get to the bottom of this to find out what is going on in the classroom and what the teacher thinks my daughter is not doing. I also want to tell the teacher I don't appreciate her talking down to my daughter. I am so angry, though, that I don't know how to begin. Help! -- Mad Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MAD MOM: Take a few deep breaths and compose yourself. You need a few more details.

Talk to your daughter again and find out what was going on when her teacher made her feel she was an idiot. Gently ask her to explain the circumstances. It is likely that something your child did or didn't do precipitated it, which doesn't necessarily excuse the behavior. You are gathering information. Listen carefully so you can recite what your daughter shares with you later.

Schedule an appointment with the teacher, and tell her about your daughter's concerns. Describe the scenario as seen through your daughter's eyes, and ask what her version of the story is.

Tell the teacher that your daughter is sensitive and that you do not want her leaving school feeling like she is an idiot, whatever that means in her mind. School is where she goes to learn and grow. Her teacher needs to be more nurturing and less judgmental. Ask if she can do that. Follow up with the guidance counselor at the school if you need backup.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Next year we are going to have to put our son in public school. He has been in private school since he was young, but we can't afford it anymore. We feel horrible, but it is what is. Our son is 10. How do we tell him without crushing his feelings? -- Distraught and Broke, Chicago

DEAR DISTRAUGHT AND BROKE: Frame the shift to a new school as a lifestyle change. Assure your son that you will put him in the best possible school you can, and stress that by going public, you will have more flexibility to explore other extracurricular activities. Show him there is life after private school. Work hard to keep his friendships alive, too. That will help ease the transition.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been on a couple of dates with this guy, and everything is going great. We touch base on a lot of beliefs, and I find myself always happy when I am with him.

A few nights ago, he kissed me for the first time, and it was terrible! It was almost unbearable. I tried helping him out when kissing, but he was so confident in his kissing that he didn't think anything of it.

I want to continue seeing him, but I don't know how to address the situation. I don't want to keep quiet, nor do I want to damage his confidence. Help! -- Bad Kiss, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR BAD KISS: If you like this guy enough, you are going to need to educate him -- gently. It could be that he hasn't had much experience kissing, so he hasn't developed his skill. It could be that he's arrogant and thinks he knows more than he does.

Next time you two go to kiss, ask if you can kiss him. Ask him to slow down and let you lead. Take your time. If he tries to take over, remind him that it is your turn to show him what you like.

If he refuses to allow you to guide him at all, that's a pretty good indication of how he will likely behave in the future. Arrogance can cloud one's vision. Do your best to push past his insecurity/arrogance to see if you can discover how to please each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my friend drinks, she has no idea of her limitations. She claims to understand that she shouldn't drink so much, but as soon as she is in that setting, she forgets or is too stubborn to see the effects alcohol has on her. I love her, but it is annoying to be around her when she gets like that. She is already an attention-seeker when she's sober, so you can imagine how she is when drunk.

My 21st birthday is in a few weeks, and she is coming into town for it. I don't want to have to worry about her or spend my whole night dealing with her actions. How can I get through to her? -- Drunk-Free, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR DRUNK-FREE: It sounds like your friend has a drinking problem. Call and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Be specific about your concerns. Give examples of her behavior, including how she says she will limit her drinking but consistently gets drunk and acts out.

Tell her that you are not sure you want her to come to your party, because you have no desire to attend to her when you'd rather be celebrating your big day. Honestly, you may need to uninvite her. Since she has proved to be untrustworthy in terms of how much she drinks, you probably cannot trust her this time. Rescinding the invitation will hurt her feelings, but it may get the point across and ultimately save her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has been taking a lot of online tests for the heck of it. The unusual results have led him to believe he might have Asperger's syndrome or autism. He thinks he has had it all his life. (He is 23 now.)

This came as a surprise to me, since I've known him for almost 10 years. I can see in him some of the characteristics of these two disorders, though I think they are too vague to say for sure.

I think it is great that he is learning about himself, but I think this news could negatively affect him and how he views his past and present life. Even if he does have either disorder, I don't think it is severe enough for him to take medication.

Do you have any advice on how to be there for him during this latest discovery? -- Dealing With Discoveries, Baton Rouge, La.

DEAR DEALING WITH DISCOVERIES: It's great that your friend has been learning about himself. But since he is not a doctor, nor are you, it is time for him to visit a doctor to find out if his suspicions are accurate and, if so, what his next steps should be.

Do not try to judge the evaluations he has made. Instead, suggest he make an appointment with his primary care physician. He should bring all of the data he has compiled with him and ask the doctor for guidance.

Many people who suffer from Asperger's or autism live relatively normal lives -- whatever "normal" means. If your friend has behavioral issues or other concerns he has identified for which he might need support, he should seek help from a professional.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year my sister remarried a man who has two kids. She has three kids from her first marriage, and the kids all get along with one another.

The problem is with my sister and her 10-year-old stepdaughter. From observations, I can sense that the daughter thinks my sister is taking away her dad and feels as if my sister is an intruder. My sister is now pregnant, and her stepdaughter has openly threatened to hurt the unborn child. My sister is not reacting in the right way and chooses to be immature about dealing with the problem.

What words of wisdom can I share to give her peace with her stepdaughter? -- Helping Sister, Miami

DEAR HELPING SISTER: It is not unusual for jealousy to raise its head when families blend. That negative energy often grows when a new member of the family is introduced. So this is not necessarily a shock. It is, however, reason for grave concern.

The 10-year-old needs help processing what's about to happen in her family. Recommend to your sister that the family go into counseling. It would be wise for the girl to participate in individual counseling sessions, as well as group sessions with her parents.