DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been on a couple of dates with this guy, and everything is going great. We touch base on a lot of beliefs, and I find myself always happy when I am with him.

A few nights ago, he kissed me for the first time, and it was terrible! It was almost unbearable. I tried helping him out when kissing, but he was so confident in his kissing that he didn't think anything of it.

I want to continue seeing him, but I don't know how to address the situation. I don't want to keep quiet, nor do I want to damage his confidence. Help! -- Bad Kiss, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR BAD KISS: If you like this guy enough, you are going to need to educate him -- gently. It could be that he hasn't had much experience kissing, so he hasn't developed his skill. It could be that he's arrogant and thinks he knows more than he does.

Next time you two go to kiss, ask if you can kiss him. Ask him to slow down and let you lead. Take your time. If he tries to take over, remind him that it is your turn to show him what you like.

If he refuses to allow you to guide him at all, that's a pretty good indication of how he will likely behave in the future. Arrogance can cloud one's vision. Do your best to push past his insecurity/arrogance to see if you can discover how to please each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my friend drinks, she has no idea of her limitations. She claims to understand that she shouldn't drink so much, but as soon as she is in that setting, she forgets or is too stubborn to see the effects alcohol has on her. I love her, but it is annoying to be around her when she gets like that. She is already an attention-seeker when she's sober, so you can imagine how she is when drunk.

My 21st birthday is in a few weeks, and she is coming into town for it. I don't want to have to worry about her or spend my whole night dealing with her actions. How can I get through to her? -- Drunk-Free, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR DRUNK-FREE: It sounds like your friend has a drinking problem. Call and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Be specific about your concerns. Give examples of her behavior, including how she says she will limit her drinking but consistently gets drunk and acts out.

Tell her that you are not sure you want her to come to your party, because you have no desire to attend to her when you'd rather be celebrating your big day. Honestly, you may need to uninvite her. Since she has proved to be untrustworthy in terms of how much she drinks, you probably cannot trust her this time. Rescinding the invitation will hurt her feelings, but it may get the point across and ultimately save her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has been taking a lot of online tests for the heck of it. The unusual results have led him to believe he might have Asperger's syndrome or autism. He thinks he has had it all his life. (He is 23 now.)

This came as a surprise to me, since I've known him for almost 10 years. I can see in him some of the characteristics of these two disorders, though I think they are too vague to say for sure.

I think it is great that he is learning about himself, but I think this news could negatively affect him and how he views his past and present life. Even if he does have either disorder, I don't think it is severe enough for him to take medication.

Do you have any advice on how to be there for him during this latest discovery? -- Dealing With Discoveries, Baton Rouge, La.

DEAR DEALING WITH DISCOVERIES: It's great that your friend has been learning about himself. But since he is not a doctor, nor are you, it is time for him to visit a doctor to find out if his suspicions are accurate and, if so, what his next steps should be.

Do not try to judge the evaluations he has made. Instead, suggest he make an appointment with his primary care physician. He should bring all of the data he has compiled with him and ask the doctor for guidance.

Many people who suffer from Asperger's or autism live relatively normal lives -- whatever "normal" means. If your friend has behavioral issues or other concerns he has identified for which he might need support, he should seek help from a professional.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year my sister remarried a man who has two kids. She has three kids from her first marriage, and the kids all get along with one another.

The problem is with my sister and her 10-year-old stepdaughter. From observations, I can sense that the daughter thinks my sister is taking away her dad and feels as if my sister is an intruder. My sister is now pregnant, and her stepdaughter has openly threatened to hurt the unborn child. My sister is not reacting in the right way and chooses to be immature about dealing with the problem.

What words of wisdom can I share to give her peace with her stepdaughter? -- Helping Sister, Miami

DEAR HELPING SISTER: It is not unusual for jealousy to raise its head when families blend. That negative energy often grows when a new member of the family is introduced. So this is not necessarily a shock. It is, however, reason for grave concern.

The 10-year-old needs help processing what's about to happen in her family. Recommend to your sister that the family go into counseling. It would be wise for the girl to participate in individual counseling sessions, as well as group sessions with her parents.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a gay guy. I've been hooking up with one of my friends who is bisexual. We have a great time together, whether being intimate or just hanging out.

We know that it isn't serious and let each other see other people. However, when I say "other people," I'm thinking about people not in our group of friends. Recently I found out that he is also hooking up with a girl in our group. She and I are good friends, and she doesn't know about my intimate relationship with him.

I don't know if I should tell her or have him tell her. I don't like drama, but I seem to be right in the middle of it. What can I do so our group doesn't explode into pieces? -- Betwixt, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR BETWIXT: It's time to regroup with your lover. You assumed there were boundaries, without defining them, that would not be crossed in your intimate relationship. It's time to address this.

Tell your lover that it makes you uncomfortable that he is intimately involved with someone who is part of your inner group of friends. Explain that you assumed you both would limit any other intimacies to people who were not part of your life.

Tell him you feel extremely awkward because you are close friends with the girl in question and you don't believe she is aware of your relationship with him. Ask him to tell her.

If he refuses, you need to decide your next steps. This will take some personal assessment. What do you feel comfortable divulging? Would you feel as if you had betrayed her if you didn't tell her? Do you want to date him if he won't stop seeing her? Figure out your answers to those questions and then act decisively.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my children used curse words (purposefully or not), I clearly emphasized that they should use the wonderful education this country affords them.

I handed them a thesaurus and told them to look up a word that "spoke" of how they felt and to give me another example of how they could express themselves. It expanded their vocabularies, and being well versed at any age is empowering. Children too young to understand the "word" will also misinterpret the punishment.

Impressing upon them that certain words are socially unacceptable and that using them limits opportunities is a more tangible way to encourage better behavior and word power! -- Wise Mama, New York

DEAR WISE MAMA: I am a big believer in using the dictionary and thesaurus for expanding knowledge and vocabulary. I love the notion of enlightenment rather than punishment.

One thing I learned as a young person was that profanity is lazy language. Your idea of replacing profane words with specific adjectives that can better express feelings is on point. Thanks for sharing!