DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has been taking a lot of online tests for the heck of it. The unusual results have led him to believe he might have Asperger's syndrome or autism. He thinks he has had it all his life. (He is 23 now.)

This came as a surprise to me, since I've known him for almost 10 years. I can see in him some of the characteristics of these two disorders, though I think they are too vague to say for sure.

I think it is great that he is learning about himself, but I think this news could negatively affect him and how he views his past and present life. Even if he does have either disorder, I don't think it is severe enough for him to take medication.

Do you have any advice on how to be there for him during this latest discovery? -- Dealing With Discoveries, Baton Rouge, La.

DEAR DEALING WITH DISCOVERIES: It's great that your friend has been learning about himself. But since he is not a doctor, nor are you, it is time for him to visit a doctor to find out if his suspicions are accurate and, if so, what his next steps should be.

Do not try to judge the evaluations he has made. Instead, suggest he make an appointment with his primary care physician. He should bring all of the data he has compiled with him and ask the doctor for guidance.

Many people who suffer from Asperger's or autism live relatively normal lives -- whatever "normal" means. If your friend has behavioral issues or other concerns he has identified for which he might need support, he should seek help from a professional.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year my sister remarried a man who has two kids. She has three kids from her first marriage, and the kids all get along with one another.

The problem is with my sister and her 10-year-old stepdaughter. From observations, I can sense that the daughter thinks my sister is taking away her dad and feels as if my sister is an intruder. My sister is now pregnant, and her stepdaughter has openly threatened to hurt the unborn child. My sister is not reacting in the right way and chooses to be immature about dealing with the problem.

What words of wisdom can I share to give her peace with her stepdaughter? -- Helping Sister, Miami

DEAR HELPING SISTER: It is not unusual for jealousy to raise its head when families blend. That negative energy often grows when a new member of the family is introduced. So this is not necessarily a shock. It is, however, reason for grave concern.

The 10-year-old needs help processing what's about to happen in her family. Recommend to your sister that the family go into counseling. It would be wise for the girl to participate in individual counseling sessions, as well as group sessions with her parents.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a gay guy. I've been hooking up with one of my friends who is bisexual. We have a great time together, whether being intimate or just hanging out.

We know that it isn't serious and let each other see other people. However, when I say "other people," I'm thinking about people not in our group of friends. Recently I found out that he is also hooking up with a girl in our group. She and I are good friends, and she doesn't know about my intimate relationship with him.

I don't know if I should tell her or have him tell her. I don't like drama, but I seem to be right in the middle of it. What can I do so our group doesn't explode into pieces? -- Betwixt, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR BETWIXT: It's time to regroup with your lover. You assumed there were boundaries, without defining them, that would not be crossed in your intimate relationship. It's time to address this.

Tell your lover that it makes you uncomfortable that he is intimately involved with someone who is part of your inner group of friends. Explain that you assumed you both would limit any other intimacies to people who were not part of your life.

Tell him you feel extremely awkward because you are close friends with the girl in question and you don't believe she is aware of your relationship with him. Ask him to tell her.

If he refuses, you need to decide your next steps. This will take some personal assessment. What do you feel comfortable divulging? Would you feel as if you had betrayed her if you didn't tell her? Do you want to date him if he won't stop seeing her? Figure out your answers to those questions and then act decisively.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my children used curse words (purposefully or not), I clearly emphasized that they should use the wonderful education this country affords them.

I handed them a thesaurus and told them to look up a word that "spoke" of how they felt and to give me another example of how they could express themselves. It expanded their vocabularies, and being well versed at any age is empowering. Children too young to understand the "word" will also misinterpret the punishment.

Impressing upon them that certain words are socially unacceptable and that using them limits opportunities is a more tangible way to encourage better behavior and word power! -- Wise Mama, New York

DEAR WISE MAMA: I am a big believer in using the dictionary and thesaurus for expanding knowledge and vocabulary. I love the notion of enlightenment rather than punishment.

One thing I learned as a young person was that profanity is lazy language. Your idea of replacing profane words with specific adjectives that can better express feelings is on point. Thanks for sharing!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hope that "Forgetful" takes your advice about his upcoming reunion.

Two months ago, my high school class held its 4Oth reunion. I hadn't gone to any of the other reunions, and at first I declined because of the location (Maywood Park Racetrack; I don't gamble) and the fact that I use a walker for the arthritis in both my knees. The people on the reunion committee asked me to please reconsider; I would have a ride to and from the place, they said, and others would like to see me.

Well, I went -- and I don't regret it. One woman I remember had bangs and long, straight hair when we were in school together; now she has a frosted pixie haircut. But her face was the same. One lady who used to be in my homeroom division came over, and we had a pleasant 45-minute chat, catching each other up on our lives and doings. The man she married was also in my division (I remembered the name, but he was visiting elsewhere), and I told her when she was leaving to tell her husband "hello" for me.

It turns out the side of the gathering she was on had seen me come in, but since I couldn't table-hop with the walker in the crowded aisles, she came looking for me. I was touched.

When my ride and I were leaving, I met up with another of my grammar/high school classmates. She said, "I didn't know you were here!" and we talked for several minutes. The only person I didn't remember was one of the reunion committee people. But I remembered who she was when she said, "We used to sit behind each other in school." A faint but definite memory entered my thoughts.

It's no tragedy to admit you don't remember someone. I went dreading I'd be alone all night -- and I had more company in four hours than I'd had in four years. -- Looking Forward to the Next Reunion, Chicago

DEAR LOOKING FORWARD: What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it.

Yes, reunions can touch the heart. It can take a big effort to get there, as you described. Sometimes people feel self-conscious for a variety of reasons, especially about how they have aged. But attending is well worth it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Any reunion should have name tags, then color-coordinate them to distinguish alumni from their partners. I fault the college. I do agree with your comments about what to do when meeting someone whose name you can't remember. Just be humble. -- Practical Guy, Chicago

DEAR PRACTICAL GUY: Sometimes the simplest tools, like a name tag with letters big enough to be read easily, are the most essential. Good reminder!