DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend asked me to do a huge favor for him, and, as usual, I did it right away. Did he send me a thank-you note or even pick up the phone to call? Exactly. I am so miffed. He could at least have acknowledged that I did what he asked. How do I address this without blowing up? -- Hurt, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR HURT: Wait until you calm down. It is not wise to scold anyone when you are upset.

Once you have cooled off, reach out to your friend and tell him that you did what he asked and that you are not happy he failed to complete the circle. He likely will apologize at that point, for whatever that will be worth after the fact.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read the response about hospice from "Compassionate Nurse," and, as a hospice volunteer for more than 15 years, I would like to add some thoughts.

First, I want to say that the nurses, in my opinion, are the angels of palliative care and hospice services. They deal with the patients day in and day out and can give the families the most accurate information about their loved ones.

To me, the essence of hospice care is the support and compassion the system gives to the patients and families. I believe that most people think death is an event. This is true when one dies of a heart attack, brain aneurysm, etc. Otherwise, death is a process over time, and this is where hospice can guide the family and loved ones.

Hospice is there to give as much support as requested, including emotional support, answers to questions and medical equipment for comfort. Remember that hospice care can be in the home or at a hospice facility.

The person in need has many choices today. There are for-profit and nonprofit palliative and hospice care organizations. I belong to a nonprofit one, which by state law must have at least 5 percent volunteer participation to keep its status. I am not saying one is better than the other, but I am suggesting that people contact more than one in order to obtain the best care for the person in need.

Another important aspect of hospice is the bereavement support most offer after the loved one has passed on. The survivors learn and experience that there is no wrong way to grieve and that to be human is to grieve. The pain of the loss never goes away; one just learns to manage it better. -- Hospice Volunteer, Chicago

DEAR HOSPICE VOLUNTEER: Thank you for adding your insight to this conversation. I believe many readers and I have learned a lot about the role of hospice and palliative care, thanks to the many people who have written to me to clarify what actually happens during this tender time in a family's life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend talks to her mother and siblings on the phone once a day, if not more. She lives in a different town from them.

I also live in a different town from my mom. I talk to her, but definitely not every day -- more like once a week. Sometimes even more time passes. I don't think I am neglecting my mom, but my friend keeps telling me that I don't call her enough. My take is that we are different, and our families have different expectations. But my friend talks about it so much that I am beginning to feel guilty. What do you think? -- Not So Chatty, Seattle

DEAR NOT SO CHATTY: As you said, you and your friend are different people with different families and, likely, different expectations.

That said, your friend could have a point. It could be true that your mother misses you or needs to hear your voice.

Why don't you check in with your mother to see how she feels? Call and ask how she's doing. Make sure she is in a positive frame of mind. Then tell her about your best friend's comment and ask for her opinion. She may welcome more frequent calls or be perfectly comfortable with your current rhythm.

Personally speaking, I have two sisters who typically talk to my mother more than I do. In recent years, though, I have started calling my mother more often, and she has thanked me for being in closer touch. I have been much more attentive than I was in the past.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt has asked me to help her go back to college. She is 60 years old, and she is planning to get an associate's degree in nursing.

I'm happy to help my aunt, but here's my dilemma: I need to find the time to walk her through the application process in person rather than over the phone. I recently went back to college, and my free time is limited. How can I best help my aunt? -- Lending a Hand, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR LENDING A HAND: Ask your aunt what her deadline is for completing her application. Review your schedule to see when you have an hour or more of free time before the deadline. Schedule a face-to-face meeting with your aunt, and let her know in advance that you want the two of you to concentrate on getting the application completed at that meeting.

You may have inspired your aunt to go back to college. Continue to encourage her. Let her know how rigorous you are finding the process to be. She will need to step into the academic rhythm in order for it to work for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm so tired of politics, and I wonder if things will ever change. I got excited about the possibility of change when our current president was first elected, but the more I see, the less convinced I am that anything can happen.

Is it wrong for me to be a cynic? Is there anything I can do to help things along? Sometimes I think that being a citizen means nothing. -- Despondent, Atlanta

DEAR DESPONDENT: Our country is often called "the great experiment in democracy" because it is still a relatively young nation whose intentions, as stated in the Constitution, are lofty.

You are right to be frustrated by the current state of affairs, particularly with how ineffective our government seems to be. While it may seem idealistic to believe that change can occur, you must know that it can. Legislators, lobbyists, activists and concerned citizens are working hard to change things every day. Does it get messy? Yes. Every president in recent history has spoken of the challenges of moving legislation through Congress. Local officials have their complaints as well.

My recommendation is that you put your hat in the ring if you feel moved to try to make specific changes. The beauty of being an American is that you have the right to run for office, volunteer for a political campaign or start a nonprofit organization focused on an issue about which you are passionate. You have options.

Will it be easy? No. Is it worth it to do something rather than be sad or frustrated? Without question.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has been fighting (verbally) with her husband for as long as I can remember. The other day, she told me they are now talking about getting a divorce. I'm not at all surprised. I am a little concerned that it's just more talk. She wants to know my opinion. I don't want to give one, because whatever I say won't matter anyway.

How can I support her without getting in the middle of her marriage? Over the years I have listened or even changed the subject, but she is more insistent now. -- Reluctant, Chicago

DEAR RELUCTANT: Stick with your gut. You are not married to either of them, so you don't really know what will help them -- even though you are her best friend.

Resist the temptation to share your opinion. Instead, you can ask pointed questions that help your friend look objectively at her life, such as: Can you imagine your life in five years? Is your husband a part of it? What do you want for yourself in the future? What can you do to get to that place?

Envisioning the future you want is a way to figure out how you want to devote your time. If your friend is willing to do that exercise and possibly do it with her husband, she may be able to see her way to clarity.

Of course, seeking professional help is always wise in times of stress.