DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm at my wit's end with my oldest son. I received a phone call from his high school guidance counselor saying he has missed four weeks of school. I'm really disappointed in him, because I thought he was going to school.

I leave the house at 6:30 in the morning to go to work, and my son doesn't have to leave for school until 8:30. When I questioned him about not attending school for the past four weeks, he told me that he was in his classes and that his teachers did not check his attendance.

I do not like people lying to me. I really wanted to wring his neck, but I refrained from such thoughts. I'm tired, and I do not know what to do to help. Any ideas? -- Mommy Dearest, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR MOMMY DEAREST: You have to get to the truth. Since the school contacted you about a prolonged absence, it's likely that your son was, indeed, absent.

Since you cannot be there, you need an advocate at the school to be your eyes and ears. See if the counselor can help you. Talk to him or her about ways to support your son. Figure out what interests your son about school and attempt to lure him to be present with those things.

Keep talking to your son about his future and about how his choices today will definitely affect his options for tomorrow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agree with your response to the college graduate (producer) whose old friends (moochers) were living with him while they were trying to "get on their feet." He was getting tired of it and needed more space, etc. Your advice was that he set a date for them to move out and be as helpful as possible until that time.

How different is that from the welfare, Medicaid and public assistance housing folks who have been mooching off the government and taxpayers (producers) for years at the expense of others? It is really the same thing, but on a smaller scale. And it's getting worse, because the moochers are hyperbreeding and causing a continuation of the problem with no hope of it changing or slowing down. I'd love to discuss this with you. How do we stop this insanity? -- Small Producer, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR SMALL PRODUCER: This is obviously a controversial topic, and I am not an expert on it.

I see your point. I do not think that anyone should assume that someone else -- be it a parent, a friend or the government -- will take care of them forever. But I also firmly believe in supporting those in need. I feel that it is an important part of humanity.

I appreciate the public assistance programs that our government offers and know they serve millions of people who otherwise would be in dire straits. At the same time, I firmly believe that each of us has the duty to do our best to improve our lives and become independent.

I know many stories of incredibly successful people who at one point needed and used the services of the government to tide them over while they repositioned themselves. I believe that public assistance is good. I do not believe it should be guaranteed for life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a party recently and ran into a relative of my ex-husband. I haven't seen my ex or his family for decades. It was so unusual and awkward at first, because my ex and I did not have a good breakup. We were young and stupid about relationships, and I didn't treat him well.

When I saw this woman, it brought back all of those memories. She was kind to me, and after a bit I relaxed. But I also wondered what she would go back and report about me.

How should you handle a situation like that, when you run into somebody from another life? -- Blast From the Past, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BLAST FROM THE PAST: It's key that you remain in the present. There's no need to dredge up the challenges or triumphs of a past marriage. You can acknowledge the person you encounter and ask about his or her life. People love to talk about themselves.

In this situation, it's probably best not to ask about the ex. If you haven't been involved for years, there's no need to rekindle interest now. If the person you encounter mentions your ex, you can say you hope he or she is well, but don't start a discussion about him or her. When you part ways, be gracious. You always want to demonstrate the kind of person you are today.

Many people were naive and immature when they were young. Have you become wiser? If so, demonstrate that by being grounded in who you are now. Practicing forgiveness for yourself and others will make it easier for you to be comfortably present with people from your past.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I talked to my wife a few weeks ago about purchasing a car for our family. We have a 6-year-old girl and a 7-month-old son. My wife likes the idea of purchasing a new car, but she does not want to drive. When I asked why, she said, "Men and not women should chauffeur their family."

I love my wife, but she can be really stubborn with her independent thoughts. I want to make my wife's life easier when I'm working late or out of town. Please tell my wife about the freedom of driving. -- Family Man, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR FAMILY MAN: I don't necessarily think of your wife's comment as an independent thought. Her idea that she should not drive sounds particularly old school. I wonder what lies beneath her comment. It could be that she truly does believe that women shouldn't drive, or at least that wives shouldn't.

More likely, she has a fear of driving. If she hasn't driven before (which is common for New Yorkers who don't need a car to get around), she may feel unsure of her driving ability and skittish about getting behind the wheel with her precious cargo of children.

Probe a bit to find out what the real issue is. If she is nervous about driving, giving her a car may not be a viable option.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just went to a reunion at my college. I graduated more than 20 years ago and have gone back only once or twice over the years. This was a big event, so I decided to go. It was kind of awkward, because I hardly remembered anybody, but many of my former classmates remembered me. They kept coming up, very nicely, to reminisce about things that occurred years ago, and I honestly didn't remember. I tried to be nice, but it felt weird.

Now I've been asked to come back next year for another reunion. It makes me think my former classmates didn't notice how disconnected I was. What should I do to smooth things over if I attend again? -- Forgetful, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR FORGETFUL: The more time you spend with your old college classmates, the easier it will be to remember them. That said, perhaps it's not even that important to remember them by name. You can be cordial and kind to people without making a big investment of time and energy in remembering their names.

What people want most is to be acknowledged. When I see people whose names or faces I don't remember, I simply greet them warmly. If needed, I ask them to remind me of their name. If they get an attitude, it's on them, but that rarely happens. Usually people feel good that an authentic connection of some kind has occurred, whether or not a name is mentioned.

One other thing to keep in mind is that it's perfectly normal not to remember people you haven't seen in more than 20 years. You can say that you're sorry you can't remember someone without feeling guilty. Ask the person who she or he is. Then it's up to him or her to respond.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son said a curse word today within my earshot, and I couldn't believe it. He is 7 years old, and my husband and I have worked so hard to shield him from profanity. We also have made it crystal clear that it is inappropriate for him to ever curse.

Now that we have heard the word, I'm not sure what to do. I don't believe in spanking. I do believe in getting the point across that it's not OK. What do you think is best? -- Ringing Ears, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR RINGING EARS: When I was growing up, my mother threatened to wash out my mouth with soap if I cursed. One day she did, and I never cursed in front of her again. Today, child-rearing experts advise against such actions.

You can take away privileges -- things your son really values -- to make him think twice about swearing. You can make him put money in a jar every time he curses. You can cut his allowance, if he has one. Take away something that will make him sad -- something that will help him remember right from wrong.