DEAR HARRIETTE: I just went to a reunion at my college. I graduated more than 20 years ago and have gone back only once or twice over the years. This was a big event, so I decided to go. It was kind of awkward, because I hardly remembered anybody, but many of my former classmates remembered me. They kept coming up, very nicely, to reminisce about things that occurred years ago, and I honestly didn't remember. I tried to be nice, but it felt weird.

Now I've been asked to come back next year for another reunion. It makes me think my former classmates didn't notice how disconnected I was. What should I do to smooth things over if I attend again? -- Forgetful, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR FORGETFUL: The more time you spend with your old college classmates, the easier it will be to remember them. That said, perhaps it's not even that important to remember them by name. You can be cordial and kind to people without making a big investment of time and energy in remembering their names.

What people want most is to be acknowledged. When I see people whose names or faces I don't remember, I simply greet them warmly. If needed, I ask them to remind me of their name. If they get an attitude, it's on them, but that rarely happens. Usually people feel good that an authentic connection of some kind has occurred, whether or not a name is mentioned.

One other thing to keep in mind is that it's perfectly normal not to remember people you haven't seen in more than 20 years. You can say that you're sorry you can't remember someone without feeling guilty. Ask the person who she or he is. Then it's up to him or her to respond.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son said a curse word today within my earshot, and I couldn't believe it. He is 7 years old, and my husband and I have worked so hard to shield him from profanity. We also have made it crystal clear that it is inappropriate for him to ever curse.

Now that we have heard the word, I'm not sure what to do. I don't believe in spanking. I do believe in getting the point across that it's not OK. What do you think is best? -- Ringing Ears, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR RINGING EARS: When I was growing up, my mother threatened to wash out my mouth with soap if I cursed. One day she did, and I never cursed in front of her again. Today, child-rearing experts advise against such actions.

You can take away privileges -- things your son really values -- to make him think twice about swearing. You can make him put money in a jar every time he curses. You can cut his allowance, if he has one. Take away something that will make him sad -- something that will help him remember right from wrong.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and I are both gay, but we've been friends for a while. I'm worried now that he has romantic feelings for me. He sometimes does things that make me uncomfortable, and he has said things that could be interpreted as romantic. How do I handle this situation? --Misinterpreted, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR MISINTERPRETED: You need to be direct with your roommate and kind at the same time. If you are absolutely not interested in a romantic relationship, you need to make that clear without being too harsh. You don't want to devastate your roommate, but you need to be clear so that there is no wiggle room when it comes to interpretation.

Tell your roommate that you are concerned about some of the cues he has been sending you. Point out specific things he has said or done and how they have made you feel. Ask if he is thinking romantically about you. Do your best to get your roommate to talk to you about his feelings.

If he really does like you, the two of you will need to address that. You can tell him that you are not interested in him in that way. Then add immediately that you appreciate his friendship and hope that he appreciates yours.

You may want to go so far as to explain that it's important to you that your relationship as roommates remains simply that, or else it could compromise the comfort and emotional safety you now enjoy as friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent a lot of time with a guy over the summer as friends. There's a good chance he may have had romantic feelings toward me. I had feelings for him as well, but we never talked about it.

I thought we'd still be friends once school started, but we barely talk, and our last conversation was really awkward. Should I give up on being friends at all or try to talk to him about it? -- Missing Him, Philadelphia

DEAR MISSING HIM: Too bad neither of you acted on your interest in each other. It's not too late, though, for you to clarify things at the very least.

Definitely seek this guy out and tell him you want to talk. When you are together, start by telling him that you miss him. Remind him of how much fun you two had over the summer. Admit that you started to have feelings for him. Tell him that you very much want to rekindle your friendship and that the distance that seems to have grown between you makes you sad. Be upfront about your desire to remain close to him.

Ask if he feels the same way. If not, ask what happened to turn him off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've had a crush on a guy for a while. We were really good friends, but suddenly he stopped speaking to me. I was pretty upset, but I resolved to get over him. I've told him I like him, but he didn't really give me a straight response when I asked how he felt.

After not talking to me for months, he randomly texted me a couple days ago like nothing weird had happened. Should I ask him what's going on? -- Mixed Signals, Pittsburgh

DEAR MIXED SIGNALS: Keep it simple. Ask him what he wants. Chances are that if he has reached out to you out of the blue, he wants something. You probably were a great friend to him. Perhaps he needs a shoulder to cry on. Or he may want your help with something you historically did for him without a second thought. Listen and learn. Confronting him about his disappearance, at least at the outset, will most likely make him disappear again.

You also have to decide what you are willing to do. Do you want to go back into friends mode and be his buddy? If so, you may decide to just slip into that role.

It would be best for you to cool your crush. Directing a lot of emotional energy toward this guy may only make it more difficult for you to find a neutral emotional meeting ground. Calm down and let the relationship unfold naturally.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Concerning the letter from "Best Friend," who worried about her friend whose father died unexpectedly: Please note that families and individuals grieve in many different ways and on different schedules.

My father died unexpectedly after living with me the last two years of his life. I was much like the daughter your reader described. I was pleased that I took my dad's death in stride. I made arrangements and donated clothing quickly and efficiently. But six months later, I found myself bursting into tears at stoplights. It took that long for me to be ready to grieve. I loved (and still love) my dad very much. My family handles grief very privately.

I suspect "Best Friend" doesn't understand that her friend is responding differently than she would. And calling twice a day sounds like a bit much to me. -- Like-Minded, Chicago

DEAR LIKE-MINDED: Thank you for sharing. Of course you are right that people grieve according to their own schedules. Your experience -- in which the fullness of the loss kicked in much later instead of in the early days -- is common, too.

I also know that checking in too often can be annoying. For some people, two calls a day is perfect; for others, it could be way too much. This is why friends need to pay close attention to those who are grieving and gauge when it feels like enough is enough.