DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and I are both gay, but we've been friends for a while. I'm worried now that he has romantic feelings for me. He sometimes does things that make me uncomfortable, and he has said things that could be interpreted as romantic. How do I handle this situation? --Misinterpreted, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR MISINTERPRETED: You need to be direct with your roommate and kind at the same time. If you are absolutely not interested in a romantic relationship, you need to make that clear without being too harsh. You don't want to devastate your roommate, but you need to be clear so that there is no wiggle room when it comes to interpretation.

Tell your roommate that you are concerned about some of the cues he has been sending you. Point out specific things he has said or done and how they have made you feel. Ask if he is thinking romantically about you. Do your best to get your roommate to talk to you about his feelings.

If he really does like you, the two of you will need to address that. You can tell him that you are not interested in him in that way. Then add immediately that you appreciate his friendship and hope that he appreciates yours.

You may want to go so far as to explain that it's important to you that your relationship as roommates remains simply that, or else it could compromise the comfort and emotional safety you now enjoy as friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent a lot of time with a guy over the summer as friends. There's a good chance he may have had romantic feelings toward me. I had feelings for him as well, but we never talked about it.

I thought we'd still be friends once school started, but we barely talk, and our last conversation was really awkward. Should I give up on being friends at all or try to talk to him about it? -- Missing Him, Philadelphia

DEAR MISSING HIM: Too bad neither of you acted on your interest in each other. It's not too late, though, for you to clarify things at the very least.

Definitely seek this guy out and tell him you want to talk. When you are together, start by telling him that you miss him. Remind him of how much fun you two had over the summer. Admit that you started to have feelings for him. Tell him that you very much want to rekindle your friendship and that the distance that seems to have grown between you makes you sad. Be upfront about your desire to remain close to him.

Ask if he feels the same way. If not, ask what happened to turn him off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've had a crush on a guy for a while. We were really good friends, but suddenly he stopped speaking to me. I was pretty upset, but I resolved to get over him. I've told him I like him, but he didn't really give me a straight response when I asked how he felt.

After not talking to me for months, he randomly texted me a couple days ago like nothing weird had happened. Should I ask him what's going on? -- Mixed Signals, Pittsburgh

DEAR MIXED SIGNALS: Keep it simple. Ask him what he wants. Chances are that if he has reached out to you out of the blue, he wants something. You probably were a great friend to him. Perhaps he needs a shoulder to cry on. Or he may want your help with something you historically did for him without a second thought. Listen and learn. Confronting him about his disappearance, at least at the outset, will most likely make him disappear again.

You also have to decide what you are willing to do. Do you want to go back into friends mode and be his buddy? If so, you may decide to just slip into that role.

It would be best for you to cool your crush. Directing a lot of emotional energy toward this guy may only make it more difficult for you to find a neutral emotional meeting ground. Calm down and let the relationship unfold naturally.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Concerning the letter from "Best Friend," who worried about her friend whose father died unexpectedly: Please note that families and individuals grieve in many different ways and on different schedules.

My father died unexpectedly after living with me the last two years of his life. I was much like the daughter your reader described. I was pleased that I took my dad's death in stride. I made arrangements and donated clothing quickly and efficiently. But six months later, I found myself bursting into tears at stoplights. It took that long for me to be ready to grieve. I loved (and still love) my dad very much. My family handles grief very privately.

I suspect "Best Friend" doesn't understand that her friend is responding differently than she would. And calling twice a day sounds like a bit much to me. -- Like-Minded, Chicago

DEAR LIKE-MINDED: Thank you for sharing. Of course you are right that people grieve according to their own schedules. Your experience -- in which the fullness of the loss kicked in much later instead of in the early days -- is common, too.

I also know that checking in too often can be annoying. For some people, two calls a day is perfect; for others, it could be way too much. This is why friends need to pay close attention to those who are grieving and gauge when it feels like enough is enough.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle is a local businessman who has had some bad breaks recently. A local blogger just wrote a scathing article about his business practices, and it is making its way all over our community.

I feel so bad for my uncle. He is a good man who didn't mean to mess up like he did. I figure he must be pretty embarrassed. What can I do to make him feel better? Should I pretend like I don't know about the blog post, or should I say something? -- Uncle Supporter, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR UNCLE SUPPORTER: Sometimes not addressing the elephant in the room just makes it more uncomfortable. The best thing you can do is to visit your uncle, give him a big hug, and tell him you love him and are so sorry that the blogger wrote such a horrible article about him.

By stating the obvious, it no longer has to be a source of tension. You need not ask your uncle about his business practices or the article. If he wants to talk about any of it, he will. What he will appreciate most from you is your loving support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently ran into a woman I met many years ago. She was with a former employee of mine -- a nut job whom I had to fire. Every time I have seen the former employee over the years, it has been weird. She is dishonest and seems to be mentally unstable.

The other woman, however, seems nice, and she wants us to reconnect. I asked if she and my former employee are still friends, and she said they talk now and then.

I don't want to be in my former employee's life. Should I just walk away from this nice woman, too? -- Choosey Friend, Baton Rouge, La.

DEAR CHOOSEY FRIEND: Be honest with this potential new friend. Tell her that you would be happy to reconnect with her but that you have no interest in a relationship with your former employee. By establishing your terms clearly, she can react to them and respond. And remember: Just because she stays in touch with your former employee does not mean that you would automatically find yourself in her company.

Instead of dredging up all your memories from the past, stay in the present. Have tea with this woman. Find out if you have any current shared interests on which to develop a friendship. In that way, you will be able to tell if this was simply a pleasant momentary reconnection or a budding friendship.