DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a road trip with some friends, and one of the most annoying parts of the trip was deciding what music to listen to. All four of us have different musical tastes.

It felt like the battle of the bands. One friend would select a station, and after a while another would change it. Nobody said anything. There was a lot of huffing and puffing, and you could cut the tension with a knife. It was obvious that music was the issue, but nobody addressed it.

What could we have done differently? We are close friends and would like to get together again for a trip, but we have to fix this first. -- Mood Music, Chicago

DEAR MOOD MUSIC: This does not have to be a deal breaker.

There's tremendous value in addressing the elephant in the room. Somebody should have said something like, "Hey, I like other kinds of music besides what you're playing."

A way to make everyone feel comfortable is to agree to rotate the music stations at particular intervals. Perhaps whoever is driving gets to choose the station or type of music. This serves the double purpose of inspiring people to take turns driving during a long trip. You could also decide to change the station every hour. Or you could play a random mix of everyone's musical tastes.

I would caution members of your group to avoid being judgmental about others' music choices. Embrace everyone, and be patient when your preference is not being played.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My college friends have been living with me for two months while they try to get on their feet. I'm going nuts having to see them every day and share all my stuff. They have turned out to be slobs at least half the time. I have a small apartment, and they take up too much room. I know they don't mean to be in the way, but my one-bedroom apartment wasn't made for three adults.

I was trying to be nice and offer them a roof over their heads as they get started, but it's too much for me. How can I tell them it's time to go? I'm afraid if they don't leave soon, we won't still be friends. -- Crowded, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR CROWDED: Sit down with your friends and tell them the truth -- that you were happy to help them for a while but that it's time for them to find their own place. Tell them that although you love them, your home is too small for all three of you. Explain that you want to preserve your friendship and your sanity. Give them a date by which to move, and be as supportive as you can until then.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has told me he doesn't want to be married anymore -- after 10 years and three children. He says I should be happy that he came to me directly before cheating on me or anything else. Really?

I am sick to my stomach. We just had a vacation together, and everything seemed great. Now he says he wants to move out and start his life over. He says he will continue to help take care of the kids but realizes he wants something different in his life -- not me. He thought the only respectable thing to do was to tell me. After he said that, he didn't want to talk about it.

He made a statement with dates for when he wants to leave. When I asked if he had a girlfriend, he said he didn't yet but he was interested in someone. He said he agreed not to mess around with her until we had broken up.

I am so angry. What can I do to save my marriage? --Distraught Wife, Detroit

DEAR DISTRAUGHT WIFE: Ask your husband to go to counseling with you. Even if he confirms that he is ready to move on, ask him to participate in counseling for the sake of the children.

If you can get into a professional counseling environment where the two of you can talk through your challenges and concerns, you stand a chance of learning more about where his heart is and whether there is a chance at reconciliation. It could be that this other woman is a passing interest but that out of respect, he feels he should leave rather than get involved in an affair. The root of the reason for his straying may be something you can identify and work through with help. Try that before you let him go.

No matter what, since you have three children, you will need to figure out how to manage them from two households. A counselor can be instrumental in that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor is a nice guy who always seems to need something. That proverbial cup of sugar has turned into dish detergent, flatware, a bottle of wine, anything. He knocks on our door at all hours of the night when he needs something, and it has become annoying.

Don't get me wrong. My wife and I like him a lot, and he is generous with us. He gives us a bottle of wine for the holidays and odd gifts here and there. But we don't like being his go-to, especially after midnight.

How do we handle this? We live in an apartment building, so it's easy for him to walk a few steps across the hall to make his inquiry. -- Bothered, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR BOTHERED: You don't have to answer the door just because somebody knocks on it. If it's late and you don't want to be bothered, ignore the knock. You can also tell your neighbor that unless it's an emergency, he should not come by after a particular time. You can set boundaries without being mean.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend's father died, and I feel so bad for her. He lived with her for the last few years, and she was a dutiful daughter. She seems so calm about her dad's death, but I can't imagine how. He wasn't really sick; he just died.

She is going about making arrangements very matter-of-factly. I want to be of help, but she seems so efficient that she doesn't need help. How can I be a good friend to her without being annoying? -- Best Friend, Laurel, Md.

DEAR BEST FRIEND: Trust that your friend is doing the best she can, and know that she likely values hearing from you.

Check in with her each day, morning and evening, to see how she's doing. Once a day, specifically ask if she needs your help with anything. During another call, check in on her emotions by asking how she's feeling and whether she wants to talk. Ask if you can fix her some food or take her for a drive. Let her know that you love her and that you want to be there for her in any way she would prefer.

Being a friend may simply mean offering your ear and your love to her consistently. If she has a moment of need, you will have a chance to support her if you are speaking to her regularly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece is a real Debbie Downer. No matter what we talk about, she always finds something wrong with it. We spent a few days together during the holidays, and she drove me crazy. I was telling her about my new job. She didn't care. We listened to music, and she hated everything I played for her. Honestly, all she did was complain.

At one point, I said that she seems to see the glass as half empty, while I see it as half full. She took offense at my statement. I tried to give her examples of what I meant.

In the end, when she had hurt my feelings for the 100th time, I blew up and told her off. I really didn't mean to do that, but I was so frustrated.

How can I fix it with her? I think she must be sad or something. I want to help her and protect myself at the same time. -- Worn Out, Los Angeles

DEAR WORN OUT: Your niece probably doesn't realize how she affects others. Often when people are overly negative, they have low self-esteem. Sadly, when they are challenged about it, this only helps to support their belief that the world is against them.

It may help to be very specific when you tell your niece your concerns. If you can identify a situation when she was extremely negative and it hurt your feelings, describe it to her. Through your eyes, she may be able to see how her reaction affects you. Chances are, she has been clueless about considering your feelings.

Helping her open her eyes to others' perspectives may soften her opinions about herself and those around her.