DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is divided politically. Even though the election is over, people are still upset.

When we got together over the holidays, one of my uncles (who had had too much to drink) started talking about the presidential election and how he thought the vote was rigged. The opposing uncles jumped in, and I thought it was going to come to blows. It was awful. I know they had all been drinking, but still it was mean and ugly. When I tried to break it up, it just got worse.

What should I have done, and what can I do in the future? They aren't going to change their views. -- Peace Maker, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PEACE MAKER: Tensions were high going into the presidential election, and it was predicted that afterward there would be a lot of bad feelings, no matter who won or lost. It is also relatively common for extended family to include members of different political persuasions. This can be a recipe for major conflict. In your case, the situation was exacerbated by alcohol.

What can you do? Nothing in the midst of a drunken fight. It's best in a situation like that to walk away. You could invite anybody else who isn't intoxicated to walk away, too. Anybody who is already lit is not going to be able to hear the voice of reason.

When your relatives are sober, you can recommend that they agree to disagree on politics and agree not to talk about their political views at family gatherings. This doesn't mean their opinions aren't valued; it means their love of family is greater. Try that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant has worked for me for less than a year. Because she's the newest member of our team, she doesn't have any vacation days.

She asked me if she could take time off for the holidays anyway. She told me that she wanted to see her family and that they always get together at her mom's house, 300 miles away.

Her question put me in an awkward situation. We have rules at my office about vacation time, but she really put the guilt trip on me -- so much so that I gave her two days off. She hardly said "thank you" after all of that.

I am not happy about this at all. How can I let her know my feelings? -- Annoyed, Dallas

DEAR ANNOYED: Remember that your assistant is young and in need of guidance. Rather than being upset with her, educate her.

Tell her you are disappointed that she seems ungrateful for your extra effort to make her holiday comfortable. Tell her that you realized how lonely she was for her family and that you made an exception so she could be with them. Explain that you expect her to have the basic manners to say "thank you" and to go the extra mile at work because you went the extra mile for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a run-in with my brother-in-law during the holidays. I brought friends over to visit after Christmas dinner, which I cleared with my sister. But I guess she didn't tell him. So when they were hanging out in the house, he came in and had major attitude. He wanted to know who they were and what they were doing there. He tends to be kind of gruff.

In the end, everybody had a good time, but it was awkward at first. He was so rude, and I didn't know how to shield my friends. What should I have done? -- In the Middle, Kansas City, Mo.

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You cleared the visit with your sister, which is exactly what you should have done. But you also could have verified with her that your brother-in-law knew about the visit.

In the moment, the best you could have done would be to introduce your friends to your brother-in-law and thank him for welcoming them to his home. Sometimes such an expression of gratitude can squelch bad behavior because it can be a neutralizer.

Outside of that, I assume you spoke to your sister about the situation. She should be informed so that she can help manage such a situation if it comes up in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: We exchanged presents at Christmas with all of the children in the family, and mostly the kids were happy about their gifts. One cousin, however, was not pleased with his gift and made it known to everyone. He went so far as to say that we don't need to give him anything if it can't be better than what he got.

This kid is so spoiled. He is an only child, and before he ever gets to the family gathering, he has a huge Christmas at his house with every kind of present imaginable. I think it's horrible that he then comes to our much more modest gathering and has the nerve to complain.

As one of the parents, I'm wondering what I can do to help manage this situation. He makes all the other kids feel bad, and I don't think that's fair. -- Worried Auntie, Cincinnati

DEAR WORRIED AUNTIE: Tell the boy's parents about your concerns. Remind them of the family tradition, and point out that this year their son was disparaging about the gift he received. Tell them that the intention is simply for the children to share with one another, not evaluate the gift. Ask them to help him understand that.

Further, speak to the child directly. I believe in collective parenting, in the sense that adults should be able to correct young family members on the spot. For example, if you heard the child saying something mean about the gift, you could have immediately said, "That wasn't kind. Be grateful for the gift and leave it at that."

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter's godfather has been putting money into a savings account for her for years. Now she is 13, and I would like for her to at least see the account and begin to share responsibility for it, including putting in her own money.

Her godfather has never offered for her to participate. He just tells us each year that he has added $50 or $100 or so. How do I approach him about redefining the relationship to this annual gift? -- Next Steps, Chicago

DEAR NEXT STEPS: It's great that your daughter's godfather has chosen to save money on her behalf. And it absolutely is time to include her in the process.

I think it's as simple as telling him how much you appreciate the annual gift and asking if he could make it more educational for your daughter. Ask him if he would take your daughter to the bank and have a bank officer explain how the savings instrument works that he created for her and how she can contribute to it.

It's likely that he will welcome engaging her in this way. If not, ask why.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend borrowed a sizable amount of money from me last year with the promise to pay me back as soon as she could. A few months later, she told me that she finally had the money. She was apologetic for taking a while to get me the money, but said she had it and asked me how I would like to receive it -- by check, cash, in the mail, in person. I told her that I was busy at the time and would like to meet up with her later and get it from her. She pushed a little bit and suggested that she just mail it to me, but I said that was not necessary and that we should get together.

Now it's three months later. I called her to ask if we could meet up and I could get the money. At first she didn't return my call. A week later she called and apologized, saying she didn't have the money right then. She promised to get it to me the moment she had it again.

I can't believe her. Is this my fault or hers? -- Miffed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR MIFFED: You set yourself up, dear one. Clearly, your friend isn't fully on stable financial footing. She tried to pay you back the moment she had the money. You blew her off. Now I recommend that you wait until she has the money again. She proved to you initially that she intends to repay you.

What you should learn for next time is to take the money when it is offered. She could easily have mailed it, and there would be no issue. Apologize to her for not being responsive initially. Ask her to repay you as soon as she can.