DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a run-in with my brother-in-law during the holidays. I brought friends over to visit after Christmas dinner, which I cleared with my sister. But I guess she didn't tell him. So when they were hanging out in the house, he came in and had major attitude. He wanted to know who they were and what they were doing there. He tends to be kind of gruff.

In the end, everybody had a good time, but it was awkward at first. He was so rude, and I didn't know how to shield my friends. What should I have done? -- In the Middle, Kansas City, Mo.

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You cleared the visit with your sister, which is exactly what you should have done. But you also could have verified with her that your brother-in-law knew about the visit.

In the moment, the best you could have done would be to introduce your friends to your brother-in-law and thank him for welcoming them to his home. Sometimes such an expression of gratitude can squelch bad behavior because it can be a neutralizer.

Outside of that, I assume you spoke to your sister about the situation. She should be informed so that she can help manage such a situation if it comes up in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: We exchanged presents at Christmas with all of the children in the family, and mostly the kids were happy about their gifts. One cousin, however, was not pleased with his gift and made it known to everyone. He went so far as to say that we don't need to give him anything if it can't be better than what he got.

This kid is so spoiled. He is an only child, and before he ever gets to the family gathering, he has a huge Christmas at his house with every kind of present imaginable. I think it's horrible that he then comes to our much more modest gathering and has the nerve to complain.

As one of the parents, I'm wondering what I can do to help manage this situation. He makes all the other kids feel bad, and I don't think that's fair. -- Worried Auntie, Cincinnati

DEAR WORRIED AUNTIE: Tell the boy's parents about your concerns. Remind them of the family tradition, and point out that this year their son was disparaging about the gift he received. Tell them that the intention is simply for the children to share with one another, not evaluate the gift. Ask them to help him understand that.

Further, speak to the child directly. I believe in collective parenting, in the sense that adults should be able to correct young family members on the spot. For example, if you heard the child saying something mean about the gift, you could have immediately said, "That wasn't kind. Be grateful for the gift and leave it at that."

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter's godfather has been putting money into a savings account for her for years. Now she is 13, and I would like for her to at least see the account and begin to share responsibility for it, including putting in her own money.

Her godfather has never offered for her to participate. He just tells us each year that he has added $50 or $100 or so. How do I approach him about redefining the relationship to this annual gift? -- Next Steps, Chicago

DEAR NEXT STEPS: It's great that your daughter's godfather has chosen to save money on her behalf. And it absolutely is time to include her in the process.

I think it's as simple as telling him how much you appreciate the annual gift and asking if he could make it more educational for your daughter. Ask him if he would take your daughter to the bank and have a bank officer explain how the savings instrument works that he created for her and how she can contribute to it.

It's likely that he will welcome engaging her in this way. If not, ask why.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend borrowed a sizable amount of money from me last year with the promise to pay me back as soon as she could. A few months later, she told me that she finally had the money. She was apologetic for taking a while to get me the money, but said she had it and asked me how I would like to receive it -- by check, cash, in the mail, in person. I told her that I was busy at the time and would like to meet up with her later and get it from her. She pushed a little bit and suggested that she just mail it to me, but I said that was not necessary and that we should get together.

Now it's three months later. I called her to ask if we could meet up and I could get the money. At first she didn't return my call. A week later she called and apologized, saying she didn't have the money right then. She promised to get it to me the moment she had it again.

I can't believe her. Is this my fault or hers? -- Miffed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR MIFFED: You set yourself up, dear one. Clearly, your friend isn't fully on stable financial footing. She tried to pay you back the moment she had the money. You blew her off. Now I recommend that you wait until she has the money again. She proved to you initially that she intends to repay you.

What you should learn for next time is to take the money when it is offered. She could easily have mailed it, and there would be no issue. Apologize to her for not being responsive initially. Ask her to repay you as soon as she can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a building with about 10 maintenance workers, from the super to handymen. Every year, they give the residents a holiday card with their photos on it. We know it's a shakedown to give them tips. This makes me furious. I don't see why I have to pay them off. My maintenance fees should be plenty for them.

Anyway, last year I did not pay them anything, and they gave me the cold shoulder. I figure I should give them something this time, but I won't have the money until January or February. Is it OK to give tips after the holidays have passed? -- Worried, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED: To answer your question, it is not too late after the official holiday to give a tip or any other gift. What's more important is the sentiment behind the gift.

This is why I want to spend a moment addressing your bigger issue. People have written to me with mixed feelings about whether they are required to give tips to service providers. Many feel like it's a "shakedown," as you called it. Those who provide services, however, naturally look forward to and count on tips to round out their income. In the case of maintenance workers in your building, there is a clear expectation that you will tip them something. I totally understand the angst you may have about this.

I have found it's worth it to share a financial token of your appreciation. A little goes a long way. However, if your attitude about giving to the maintenance staff is not positive, I fear that any good will may evaporate and your gift may all be for naught. If you decide to give, do so with good feelings toward the recipients.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece's boyfriend of two years broke it off with her recently, saying he wanted to spend time with his guy friends. He said he felt like he was missing out on good times with the boys. She is 17; he is 19. She was upset but walked away.

She recently met another boy and really likes him. When her ex found out, he tried to get her back. She told me about it, and asked what she should do. She was in love with this guy but feels like he dumped her and like she should start fresh. What should I tell her? -- Concerned Auntie, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR CONCERNED AUNTIE: Tell your niece that her ex is reacting to the fact that she found somebody else. His jealousy is his own. Let him wallow in it. He made his choice.

As young people, it is likely that they will date a number of people before finding life partners. Let their dating experience be just that -- an experience from which to learn and grow. Tell her to move on and give this new friend a chance. Her goal should be to develop a relationship with someone who respects her and chooses to be with her.