DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a building with about 10 maintenance workers, from the super to handymen. Every year, they give the residents a holiday card with their photos on it. We know it's a shakedown to give them tips. This makes me furious. I don't see why I have to pay them off. My maintenance fees should be plenty for them.

Anyway, last year I did not pay them anything, and they gave me the cold shoulder. I figure I should give them something this time, but I won't have the money until January or February. Is it OK to give tips after the holidays have passed? -- Worried, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED: To answer your question, it is not too late after the official holiday to give a tip or any other gift. What's more important is the sentiment behind the gift.

This is why I want to spend a moment addressing your bigger issue. People have written to me with mixed feelings about whether they are required to give tips to service providers. Many feel like it's a "shakedown," as you called it. Those who provide services, however, naturally look forward to and count on tips to round out their income. In the case of maintenance workers in your building, there is a clear expectation that you will tip them something. I totally understand the angst you may have about this.

I have found it's worth it to share a financial token of your appreciation. A little goes a long way. However, if your attitude about giving to the maintenance staff is not positive, I fear that any good will may evaporate and your gift may all be for naught. If you decide to give, do so with good feelings toward the recipients.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece's boyfriend of two years broke it off with her recently, saying he wanted to spend time with his guy friends. He said he felt like he was missing out on good times with the boys. She is 17; he is 19. She was upset but walked away.

She recently met another boy and really likes him. When her ex found out, he tried to get her back. She told me about it, and asked what she should do. She was in love with this guy but feels like he dumped her and like she should start fresh. What should I tell her? -- Concerned Auntie, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR CONCERNED AUNTIE: Tell your niece that her ex is reacting to the fact that she found somebody else. His jealousy is his own. Let him wallow in it. He made his choice.

As young people, it is likely that they will date a number of people before finding life partners. Let their dating experience be just that -- an experience from which to learn and grow. Tell her to move on and give this new friend a chance. Her goal should be to develop a relationship with someone who respects her and chooses to be with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My "best friend" has me upset. I recently reunited with my boyfriend, and she has been communicating with him too much, in my opinion. She friended him on Facebook and comments on all of his postings. She writes to him more than I do!

She has her own boyfriend, and I don't really think she's trying to steal mine. I think she is jealous and possessive and wants me to herself. I don't know what to say to get her to back off. I don't want to hurt her feelings. -- Annoyed, Orlando, Fla.

DEAR ANNOYED: If she is your best friend, that means you have had meaningful conversations in the past. Now is the time for one more.

Tell her that you feel uncomfortable about the frequency with which she communicates with your boyfriend. Tell her that although you don't think she's trying to get in the middle of your relationship, you would like for her to give your boyfriend a little distance. Tell her you want her to be your friend and to let you be his girlfriend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family raised me that piercings and tattoos are not acceptable. My mom threatens that if I get a tattoo, she will remove it while I sleep -- and I'm 30 and living on my own. I think my body is a temple and ink is decoration.

I think it would be good for "Inkless" to tell her daughter to come up with an idea that is unique and has special meaning. She can save her money and have a tattoo artist draw up the design. Then she should hang it on her wall, where she will see it every day for the next few years. When she is old enough, she can get it done with her own money.

I had a design in my head at age 16. I paid a tattoo artist to draw out the design (a full back piece) and lived with it for four years. Needless to say, I changed my mind and am still ink-free.

Don't get wall art done. Choose something with meaning, then go as far as having it done in henna ink, which disappears in a few weeks, to make sure you really love the design and the placement before committing to a tattoo. Removal is painful and does not always work in the long run.

Plan the decorating of your temple well. It's hard to repaint stone. -- Thoughtful, Lake Geneva, Wis.

DEAR THOUGHTFUL: Thank you for sharing your insight into this practice. I have already stated my opinion, which essentially mirrors your parents'. I am old school about permanently altering the human body, and I am practical.

Your approach can serve as a thoughtful bridge for those who are considering tattoos. Taking your time, doing your research and living with the image in your room can help you to make a conscious decision as to whether this is a step you want to take.

 DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with my sister and her children in our family home. This morning, my niece asked me a question about the tragic school shooting in Newtown, Conn., and I was not sure how I should answer. I feel that my sister should address this issue personally. I don't want to overstep my boundaries. -- Sensitive Times, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR SENSITIVE TIMES: Because you live with your sister's children, you naturally have a greater responsibility for guiding them than you would if you were only peripherally involved in their lives. Your niece asked for your insight because she trusts you and needed support. I understand why you would want to defer to your sister, and the reality is that nobody has a good answer for why such an unconscionable crime occurred. In the moment, though, your niece wanted/needed your guiding love and support.

I would recommend that anyone in your position go ahead and talk to the inquiring child. Listen closely to understand what the exact questions are. Depending upon the child's age, what he or she most wants to know is if he or she is safe. The child wants assurance that someone who loves him or her is present and willing to protect. Children want to erase the scene from their memories.

Your role could have been to answer the question as simply as possible, to tell your niece that you love her and will do all in your power to support her, and to give her a hug. Then follow up and talk with your sister about how to support her. Guess what? It's not too late to do just that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In your response to a reader who was tired of receiving solicitations by mail, you mentioned "return to sender." That works.

I have been doing this for years. You have to sign your name under "Return to Sender" or the post office will not take the letters. I save a few weeks' worth, then drop them off at the local post office. -- Sensible, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR SENSIBLE: Officially declaring your intent by signing your name is important. Make sure your signature and "Return to Sender" are large enough that that they are immediately easy to see.

These solicitations are a big part of marketing in our country and have been integral to the traditional mail for generations. I will add that occasionally there are deals in these solicitations. So if you decide to dramatically reduce the mail coming your way, make sure that you look carefully to ensure you are not eliminating something that could be of value.

Just the other day, I was chucking solicitations and, on second thought, looked at one group of coupons. Among them was a discount coupon for a parking lot near my office that cut the price by 75 percent. I used it!