DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with my sister and her children in our family home. This morning, my niece asked me a question about the tragic school shooting in Newtown, Conn., and I was not sure how I should answer. I feel that my sister should address this issue personally. I don't want to overstep my boundaries. -- Sensitive Times, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR SENSITIVE TIMES: Because you live with your sister's children, you naturally have a greater responsibility for guiding them than you would if you were only peripherally involved in their lives. Your niece asked for your insight because she trusts you and needed support. I understand why you would want to defer to your sister, and the reality is that nobody has a good answer for why such an unconscionable crime occurred. In the moment, though, your niece wanted/needed your guiding love and support.

I would recommend that anyone in your position go ahead and talk to the inquiring child. Listen closely to understand what the exact questions are. Depending upon the child's age, what he or she most wants to know is if he or she is safe. The child wants assurance that someone who loves him or her is present and willing to protect. Children want to erase the scene from their memories.

Your role could have been to answer the question as simply as possible, to tell your niece that you love her and will do all in your power to support her, and to give her a hug. Then follow up and talk with your sister about how to support her. Guess what? It's not too late to do just that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In your response to a reader who was tired of receiving solicitations by mail, you mentioned "return to sender." That works.

I have been doing this for years. You have to sign your name under "Return to Sender" or the post office will not take the letters. I save a few weeks' worth, then drop them off at the local post office. -- Sensible, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR SENSIBLE: Officially declaring your intent by signing your name is important. Make sure your signature and "Return to Sender" are large enough that that they are immediately easy to see.

These solicitations are a big part of marketing in our country and have been integral to the traditional mail for generations. I will add that occasionally there are deals in these solicitations. So if you decide to dramatically reduce the mail coming your way, make sure that you look carefully to ensure you are not eliminating something that could be of value.

Just the other day, I was chucking solicitations and, on second thought, looked at one group of coupons. Among them was a discount coupon for a parking lot near my office that cut the price by 75 percent. I used it!

MY DEAR READERS: I wish you a healthy, safe and abundant 2013!

I learned years ago that with every breath we take, we have the opportunity to refresh our commitment to live with purpose and clarity. As I think about all of the events -- both uplifting and horrifying -- that occurred in 2012, I become even more steadfast in my resolve to make this year count.

You see, I am of the mind that the big, disastrous things that happen, that seem so far away from our individual worlds, are actually much closer than we think. Although I'm not suggesting that a massacre like the one in Newtown, Conn., will happen in your or my neighborhood tomorrow, the reality is that it might.

We live in a world where extremes of negativity fester -- extreme sadness, solitude, fear, pain, frustration, anger, mischief, even deceit. Whether or not we want to believe it, these extremes can exist in our individual lives as well. We often treat the people who are closest to us in either a conciliatory or antagonistic way. What makes us choose one or another? Where is the authenticity in our choice?

Usually, the quality of our choice depends upon how well we are taking care of ourselves. When we are living at our wit's end, when we are broken (financially or spiritually) or otherwise extended beyond comfort, it can be impossible to find the compassion within us to be kind to others. But when we are well rested, well tended -- especially if it is self-tended -- and connected to some measurable amount of joy, we are far more easily able to see the good in others.

Stress is a beast that clouds our vision. I challenge each and every one of us to figure out how to relieve the often-unchecked stress in our lives so that we can access our inner joy. I believe it is essential for the preservation of humanity that we soften our hearts and heal our souls. Only then can we be clear enough, strong enough and giving enough to help heal others.

President Obama recently spoke about the need for Americans to do as much as we can to prevent senseless loss of life. While we may argue about how to reduce mass or individual murders, I trust that we all believe that human life should be cherished above all else.

I heard a story recently that provides insight into how we can right our proverbial ship. A devoted mother taught her children the value of life by telling them to close their eyes and picture themselves holding a precious gem. When they opened their eyes, they were to imagine seeing that gem in the palm of their hand, gleaming so brightly that it brought an immediate smile to their faces. This wise mother instructed her children to remember that gem, especially when they were feeling low, hurt or uncomfortable. Their lives were precious, and within them those gems were shining brightly. She instructed that if they could remember that, they would stand stronger and naturally navigate life with greater ease.

Let us choose to remember our greatness. In turn, let us see the greatness in others and inspire those in our midst to choose to be honorable and kind. This is my goal in 2013.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Our family agreed we would spend a maximum of $30 on one another's Christmas gifts this year. I purchased a cool gift that was over the initial budget of $30. We exchanged our gifts, and to my amazement, my gift was the only one of quality that someone could actually use. It felt like my family members did not care about purchasing their gifts. I actually gave my gift back to my brother, telling him I did not like it.

I know "it's the thought that counts," but come on. I'm acting childish because my family did not give better gifts with their $30 budget. -- Miss Grinch, Chicago

DEAR MISS GRINCH: I'm sorry, but you actually sound like a snob. You broke the rules and then had the nerve to rudely reject your brother's effort at following them. Do you see just how "childish," to use your word, you are?

Of course it is possible to get creative and devote time and attention to finding amazing gifts for $30 or less. But you have to be committed to the search. I understand that it was disappointing that your family did not go the distance.

A friend of mine made a pact with her husband some years back when they were in dire financial straits that they would spend a maximum of $9 on gifts for each other. The competition turned out to be in the creativity. Who could outdo the other with $9? They both stayed within the budget, which ultimately made both partners winners because they worked together, albeit independently, to bring joy to each other.

You could try that in the future. Better still, suggest for next year that you not exchange gifts but instead give to those in need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that a former co-worker is in hospice care. I didn't even realize she was sick. I left that job almost two years ago. She was the nicest person there.

I am so sad for her and want to do something, but hospice usually means death is imminent. What can I do? --Grief-Stricken, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR GRIEF-STRICKEN: If you know your former co-worker's address, send a note offering your love and support to her and her family. If you have a photo of the two of you sharing a sweet moment, send that as well. It's important that you send it right away, because you are right: Hospice usually indicates that only days to weeks remain before the end of life.

After your friend passes, be sure to follow up with her family to see if you can be of support.