DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who can be a real fake sometimes. She's a nice person, but when she dislikes someone, she acts like that person is her best friend. For example, if it's his or her birthday, instead of just writing "Happy Birthday" on Facebook, she'll write "Happy Birthday xoxoxo Love you!!!!!!" and then complain that the person acts like they're best friends!

I tell her that she's giving people the wrong impression and that there is a way to be nice and civil without making a person she dislikes think they're best friends, but she won't listen. What do you think? -- Friend of a Fake, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FRIEND OF A FAKE: Your friend is dishonest, which is not nice at all. It's actually manipulative, given that it makes the other person believe she harbors positive feelings when the opposite is true.

One way you may be able to get her to see the folly of her ways is to ask her about your relationship. Tell her you are a little concerned about how she feels about you. If she usually treats you nicely, is that real or is she faking it with you, too? Ask her. Tell her that you can't be sure what she thinks anymore since she says one thing and means another so frequently.

She will likely call you silly and say that of course you know how she feels. That's when you remind her that other people think she likes them, too, when it's really the opposite.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends wanted to set me up with a guy last year who they thought would be great for me. Nothing ever happened. We never went on a date and barely spoke, and I don't think he even knew they were trying to set us up.

But this year he always acts weirdly around me. We were both at a party, and he danced with my friend after seeing me there. Then he moved over to where I was so he could dance right next to me with her. It was really weird, and I'm confused why he acts this way. What do you think is going on? -- Confused and Single, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR CONFUSED AND SINGLE: I think this guy knew that your friends were trying to get you two together, but he was probably too shy to say anything. He sounds more shy than weird. Dancing with your friend but next to you suggests that he wanted to be in your line of sight.

I recommend that you speak to him. Break the ice. Strike up a simple conversation and see if you like each other. You may find that this guy is interesting one-on-one but unsophisticated when it comes to being assertive. You may also find that he is boring or uninteresting. That's fine, too. Figure it out by speaking up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I take the subway every morning to go to work, and there is always someone panhandling for money. I usually give a dollar or two when I can. I recently found out that it is now illegal to give money to panhandlers on the subways. This really upset me, because I'm a law-abiding citizen, and I know there are people who can benefit when they are given money directly, as opposed to going through a charitable organization.

The next time I'm on the subway, should I just ignore the people who ask for money? -- Cheerful Giver, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR CHEERFUL GIVER: It's wonderful to see that you are a giving person. I'm sure the people with whom you share are happy about that.

Feel free to continue to give money to people on the street. However, I would not recommend continuing to give on the subway. It has been illegal for decades to solicit money on buses or subways in New York City because in each of these environments, passengers are a captive audience. Whether you want to give or not, you are forced to be in close proximity to someone who is actively asking you to give, without the option of walking away.

Just wait until you are outside and then give as much as you want.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I messed up. I got arrested for driving while intoxicated. I was fortunate that my license was not taken away from me. I filed for emergency hardship, which means I can drive my car only during a 12-hour-a-day period, five days a week. I have to choose which two days I will not drive.

Here's my problem: I'm active in my church, and my wife just had our second child three weeks ago. My wife is not pleased with me at this time. I've been placed on probation for six months, and I feel that I can handle it with no problems. But it's going to be a long six months in my house, and I need some help to gain my wife's trust. -- Say When, Atlanta

DEAR SAY WHEN: You just had a serious wake-up call with the DUI. It's natural that your wife isn't pleased with you. With tremendous responsibilities before you, you did not behave responsibly.

The way to gain back her trust is to take care of yourself and your family. Get some counseling for your alcohol use. Be honest about your consumption, and figure out if you need help curbing your drinking.

Get spiritual counseling as well. Talk to your pastor and ask for guidance on how to get grounded again. Pay close attention to your life. To keep everything in order, you may want to write a list each day that includes everything you have to do, including family, work, spiritual and personal duties. Check off each one after you have completed it. Good luck.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 16-year-old daughter would like to have a tattoo for Christmas. As her parent, I'm not too happy with the idea of her having a tattoo at such an early age. I'm planning to buy her something she needs -- clothes -- instead of the tattoo. How should I tell my daughter that I will not be giving her a tattoo for Christmas? -- Inkless, Chicago

DEAR INKLESS: Your job as a parent is to instill values into your children. Clearly, values vary from family to family and even within families. But if you think that 16 is too young for a child to get a tattoo, you need to teach her that.

My daughter is 9, and we talk about it now. For me, it's not even an age issue. I don't begrudge others having tattoos, but I do not favor them and will be thrilled if my daughter never gets one.

When I was your daughter's age, I wanted to get a gold tooth for my birthday. Why? All the kids were getting them at that time in my hometown, so we thought they were cool.

Rather than appearing horrified, as I'm sure my mother was, she sat me down and told me to imagine myself 20 years in the future as a professional woman. She asked if I thought I would want to wear a gold tooth to my job, and if I would even be able to get a job wearing it. When I said I would just have it removed, she told me it would stain my tooth, leaving a gray tooth right in the front of my mouth.

Needless to say, I didn't get the gold tooth. My mother's lesson was about my future rather than the birthday. I suggest that you talk to your daughter about her future -- as you also say "no."

DEAR HARRIETTE: Someone I once had a romantic fling with has been trying to talk to me more lately. He's nice, but I'm just not interested in anything more than friendship. Anything that happened between us lasted a couple of weeks and was over months ago. How can I get him to back off? -- Feeling Icky, New York

DEAR FEELING ICKY: It takes some people longer than others to get over a fling. One reader recently wrote in about this very topic, asking me to remind everyone that when you become intimately involved with someone too soon, it often wreaks havoc on your life. Unfortunately, you are in the throes of that experience right now.

What's done is done on that front. What you can do is tell him directly that you are not interested in being in a relationship with him now. Remind him that your fling ended long ago and that what you can have now is a friendship. If he is not willing to have just that, tell him you cannot be friends anymore.

If you decide to attempt the friendship, limit your conversations so he can cool off. The less access he has to you right now, the better.