DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends I've been hanging with has shown me her true colors. All she does is complain about everyone and everything. I don't agree with her on any of it, but out of fear that she'll get upset, I keep quiet. We are in a group project together with another friend. Whenever we meet up, she is constantly shutting down our ideas and pointing out our weaknesses. I want to go about it gently because it is clear she has insecurity issues, but I don't even know where to begin. Help! It is becoming unbearable! -- Done, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR DONE: With the other partner on this project, sit down and talk to your friend. You can be clear and kind. Tell her that you are growing concerned about the way she interacts with the group. Point out that she is often negative and that she constantly complains. Suggest that you agree on a delineation of duties that will make it easier for everyone to get the work done without squabbling.

You cannot allow her to keep complaining because you're worried about her self-esteem. What about your own? By allowing her to walk all over you and your other partner, you are actually diminishing your own power, which erodes self-confidence. Tell her that if she wants to be on this team, she has to work harder at being a positive contributor to the work at hand.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a handsome guy for a few weeks. He is such a gentleman. We enjoy spending time with each other, and I can truly say that I'm finally happy. I think he's the one for me.

I asked my boyfriend if he would like to come to church with me. He told me that he works on Sundays, and I told him that going to church is very important to me and that he would have a great time.

A few weeks later, my boyfriend finally told me the reason he does not want to go to church with me. He does not believe in God, nor does he believe in organized religion.

I want to continue this relationship, and I don't know what to do. This is a tough decision, and I need your help. Whom do I choose? -- Torn, Chicago

DEAR TORN: This is one of the toughest situations to navigate. There are successful couples who do not share the same spiritual ideology or practice. I think, however, that they are the exception rather than the rule. Why? Because religious convictions tend to reflect the core values that people hold. When you have a partner and are serious about being together, you want to share values about the basics of life, which usually include faith.

Rather than walking away immediately, talk to your boyfriend about his beliefs and values. Share yours with him. Talk openly about your hopes and dreams for the future, including what you envision married life to be like. It's time for you to lay it out and ask him to do the same. Otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment and confusion based on a lack of understanding of who you both are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has a wandering eye, and I need him to stop this behavior. Last week we went on a dinner date, and the moment we sat down in the restaurant, my husband's neck was on a swivel, turning from left to right. In walks a group of ladies, one of whom caught my husband's eye. The woman was shapely and gorgeous. They made eye contact and exchanged smiles. This made me furious, because I'm a very attractive woman as well, but I did not want to make a scene in the restaurant.

I'm getting tired of my husband's wandering eye. What should I say to him? -- Private Eyes, Detroit

DEAR PRIVATE EYES: Have you ever confronted your husband about this disrespectful behavior? It's definitely time to say something.

Remind him of your date and how he flirted with that woman. Tell him that his wandering eyes hurt your feelings. You believed that when he chose to marry you, he did so with a mind to be exclusive to you. Checking out women all the time, especially when he is supposed to be on a date with you, is rude and disrespectful. Ask him to stop.

Even if he agrees, know that your initial request won't be enough. Patterns are hard to break. So when you next notice that he's checking somebody else out, tap him and tell him he's doing it again. Ask him to stop.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two weeks ago, my next-door neighbor cursed out my daughter for talking and playing music way too loud at night. A few days later, this same neighbor proceeded to knock on my door and ask me if I could take her to the mall because her car didn't work. My neighbor cursed out my daughter, and now she wants me to take her to the mall!

I'm not too sure what to do. Should I honor her request and take her to the mall? -- Good Neighbor, St. Louis

DEAR GOOD NEIGHBOR: You missed a step. When your neighbor cursed out your daughter, you should have immediately talked to her -- and your daughter -- about it. Your daughter must learn to be conscious of other people when she's playing music loudly. You should agree on a time when music needs to be played more quietly and possibly even share your recommendation for that time with your neighbor. But your neighbor had no business cursing at your child. That needs to be addressed.

Tell your neighbor that you didn't appreciate her cursing at your daughter. If she has problems with your daughter's behavior, she should civilly come to you.

If you want to distance yourself from her, you could tell her that you need to cool off because she really upset you. Or, if after you address the situation with her you feel you can let it go, then give her a ride. But you have to deal with the elephant in the room first.

DEAR READERS: I want to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving! For weeks, American families have been preparing for this big day, when typically they come together to break bread and enjoy one another's company.

Years ago when this celebration took root, it represented gratitude for the harvest that farmers had grown and for the hard work it took for everyone to get to where they were at that moment. In the early days of our country, new Americans understood that you can take nothing for granted and that it is wise to be thankful for things both large and infinitesimally small.

I believe we are in a similar place today in our country. We have had so much unrest due to weather, the economy, the political machinations leading up to the presidential election and daily family ins and outs. For many of us, times have been challenging. When faced with ongoing challenge, people can fall into stress behavior without even realizing it. They can become short-tempered with the people they care about the most, dismissive and even mean.

A great antidote to slipping into that negative behavior is the age-old practice of counting your blessings -- literally. Instead of wallowing in negativity, at the moment you notice you may be feeling a little down, start writing a list. Write down the things that bring you joy -- like having a roof over your head (if you do), or the nice lady in your neighborhood who speaks sunnily to you every day, or the neighbor who always holds the door open when you enter your apartment building. If you are a parent, express your gratitude for a specific thing that you appreciate about your children, even if they can sometimes be difficult. Be grateful for your education; your job, even if it's not ideal; your warm coat, regardless of whether it is weathered; and so on.

I find that writing a gratitude list helps me to be more aware of the blessings in my life. If you will be spending time with family members, you may want to create a combined gratitude list, where everyone assembled lists things for which they can be grateful. This practice may help unearth wonderful stories about the past and present that may serve to heal old wounds or at least pass the time in a positive way. Consider having someone, possibly a teenager, videotape the storytelling so that you can create your own harvest of blessings that will be a keepsake for many Thanksgivings to come.

If you are alive, you have something to be grateful for. Be tender with yourself and your loved ones as you travel through your memory to claim the treasures that define your life. Regardless of what is tough for you now, bask in the knowledge that your life is valuable. Thanks to writing down these details about your life, you concretely know why.