DEAR HARRIETTE: I am doing a group project with my school about a store. My classmates and I were video-recording how people react to certain items. While doing our research, we recorded someone shoplifting. We didn't realize it till after the woman had left the store, but we have her face and the action clearly recorded. What we were doing isn't necessarily legal because we aren't a part of the store. Should we tell the store manager, or leave it be? -- Gotcha, New York

DEAR GOTCHA: It is your civic duty to share that videotape with the store manager. Go into the store with your group and ask to speak to the manager privately. Explain that your group was in the store working on a school project. Apologize for not informing the manager about your project earlier. Explain that you want to share the video footage with the store because you recorded an incident of shoplifting there.

Show the footage and give a copy to the store manager. It is likely that you will have to speak to the police and share your findings with them, too. The store should consider this a blessing. In the future, though, request permission in advance to conduct a study in a public or private setting outside of your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt told me there is something going on in our extended family that will affect everyone. She says that it has to do with one particular family and that the news will come out in the next few months. She left me with a huge cliffhanger.

I know it's not my right to ask questions, but I am going insane thinking of every possible situation (death, cancer, divorce, etc.). Fear is taking over my thoughts. I can't wait any longer, and I don't know what to do. How can I make peace with this situation? -- Worried Niece, Cincinnati

DEAR WORRIED NIECE: I wonder why your aunt chose to give you such a cryptic message? I understand that some people feel that they have premonitions based on knowledge they think they have. But this presumed knowledge is often just that -- presumed.

On the other hand, your aunt may legitimately know some news that has yet to surface. If so, it was wrong of her to tease you with such an ominous prediction.

Go to your aunt and ask her what she is talking about. Tell her that you don't mean to pry, but you have been worried sick since your last conversation. Ask her directly if you should be concerned about a family member's health, safety or well-being. Suggest that if she doesn't want to share her suspicions with you, she may want to speak to one of your parents or another elder in the family.

If your aunt will not budge, tell one of your parents and ask for their guidance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a gallery opening two months ago and met a beautiful woman. We spent the entire night talking to each other, and when the evening was over, we exchanged numbers and decided to go on a dinner date.

Since our initial meeting, we have been on eight dates. Everything seemed fine until she told me that she is three months pregnant and that the baby's father is in jail for two years. She is still interested in having a relationship with me, and I don't know what to do. -- On the Fence, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR ON THE FENCE: This woman is in a tough situation. It's time to get serious.

Sit down and talk to her about her circumstances. Ask if she loves the father of her child and if the two of them have been talking about being a family when he is released from jail. Learn what you can about their relationship before she got pregnant.

You need to be as clear as possible about her intentions before you commit your heart to this budding relationship. If you want to be in a relationship with her, make sure she has the emotional ability to also be committed to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy your columns because you always give good advice. However, your advice regarding the person who expected her brother to pay for the "favor" done in helping him find a tailoring job was wrong, in my opinion.

The writer offered to bring her brother the items to be hemmed and to deliver them back to the customer. Now she is angry that she wasn't offered payment for her help. It was her offer in the first place. An offer of help shouldn't come with a hidden price tag, if helping is what you truly are attempting to do.

If someone offered to help me and then afterward expected cash for it, I would be hurt and angry. The writer said she believes she is supportive of her family, but it appears this help comes with a price. -- Not Greedy, Chicago

DEAR NOT GREEDY: I agree with you that the best gift is one that's given freely. In this particular case, the writer was the sibling of a man who had been in deep financial trouble and who had received multiple loans from the sibling. The writer felt like she should have been offered some compensatory pittance, given that she had been overwhelmingly helpful and finally her brother was getting a little money.

I believe she misunderstood her brother's thinking. I doubt he intended to overlook his sister. He was simply trying to take care of himself and dig out of a hole. Repayment of the loans she made is best handled as a separate conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe in being supportive to my family, particularly my siblings. I am the kind of person who extends a helping hand.

My brother, a talented tailor, is currently looking for work but is having much difficulty. Since he is struggling, I have been lending him money when I can.

One day, I was talking to one of my co-workers and she mentioned she needed some things hemmed. I told her my brother could do it. I told my brother, and he was excited. He named his price, I told my co-worker, and the next day she brought in the items for him to work on. I drove the items to my brother, and when he was finished I picked them up from him, took them to work for the woman, collected the payment and brought back the money. When I gave my brother the payment, he thanked me and quickly put away the money. He never offered me any portion.

If it were me, I would at least have given the person who was helping me this way a few dollars toward gas! I've come to realize that perhaps my brother is ungrateful, and that act proves it.

I've decided I need to set limits on how I help my brother in the future. How do I confront him about this? Do I stop helping him completely? -- Feeling Used in Chicago

DEAR FEELING USED: The problem is that you were unclear with your brother about your expectations. I doubt he meant to snub you. He likely was so excited about the opportunity to earn a few dollars that it didn't occur to him that he might owe you money or that he should share part of this payment with you. Chances are that he is so deeply in the hole that this payment seemed like a drop of water in the desert. Please know that I am not defending him. Instead, I am letting you know his possible mindset.

Instead of not helping your brother anymore, talk to him about your expectations and your recommendations as they relate to other people from whom he may have borrowed money. Tell him you were disappointed that he didn't give you a cut of that tailoring gig. Suggest that he pay back the amount he has borrowed, even if it is in very small amounts whenever he earns a few dollars. This will go a long way in promoting good will.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a call the other day from a former colleague. It was out of the blue. The person called because she and her family didn't have power after the hurricane. She asked if we had power, which we did, and then she asked if they could come to shower at our house. I immediately said yes, but my husband didn't like it. They came, and now he's mad at me. What should I have done? -- Good Samaritan, New York

DEAR GOOD SAMARITAN: You should have taken the time to talk it out with your husband and to explain the need to be good human beings in the face of tragedy. Sometimes tragedy affects people differently. Maybe he was not looking at the big picture.

It's good that you helped your former co-worker. Now talk to your husband about how you did not intend to be disrespectful but did need to help someone in crisis.