DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe in being supportive to my family, particularly my siblings. I am the kind of person who extends a helping hand.

My brother, a talented tailor, is currently looking for work but is having much difficulty. Since he is struggling, I have been lending him money when I can.

One day, I was talking to one of my co-workers and she mentioned she needed some things hemmed. I told her my brother could do it. I told my brother, and he was excited. He named his price, I told my co-worker, and the next day she brought in the items for him to work on. I drove the items to my brother, and when he was finished I picked them up from him, took them to work for the woman, collected the payment and brought back the money. When I gave my brother the payment, he thanked me and quickly put away the money. He never offered me any portion.

If it were me, I would at least have given the person who was helping me this way a few dollars toward gas! I've come to realize that perhaps my brother is ungrateful, and that act proves it.

I've decided I need to set limits on how I help my brother in the future. How do I confront him about this? Do I stop helping him completely? -- Feeling Used in Chicago

DEAR FEELING USED: The problem is that you were unclear with your brother about your expectations. I doubt he meant to snub you. He likely was so excited about the opportunity to earn a few dollars that it didn't occur to him that he might owe you money or that he should share part of this payment with you. Chances are that he is so deeply in the hole that this payment seemed like a drop of water in the desert. Please know that I am not defending him. Instead, I am letting you know his possible mindset.

Instead of not helping your brother anymore, talk to him about your expectations and your recommendations as they relate to other people from whom he may have borrowed money. Tell him you were disappointed that he didn't give you a cut of that tailoring gig. Suggest that he pay back the amount he has borrowed, even if it is in very small amounts whenever he earns a few dollars. This will go a long way in promoting good will.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received a call the other day from a former colleague. It was out of the blue. The person called because she and her family didn't have power after the hurricane. She asked if we had power, which we did, and then she asked if they could come to shower at our house. I immediately said yes, but my husband didn't like it. They came, and now he's mad at me. What should I have done? -- Good Samaritan, New York

DEAR GOOD SAMARITAN: You should have taken the time to talk it out with your husband and to explain the need to be good human beings in the face of tragedy. Sometimes tragedy affects people differently. Maybe he was not looking at the big picture.

It's good that you helped your former co-worker. Now talk to your husband about how you did not intend to be disrespectful but did need to help someone in crisis.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past few months, my sister has had a boyfriend. They have tons of fun together, and he is a nice young man. My problem is that she is 15, he 17, and when they're hanging out in her room, they have "make-out sessions." They are loud about it as well. I turn up the volume on my television, but I still hear them slobbering away at it.

How can I talk to her about this without it turning bad for me in the end? -- Disturbed Brother, Fulton, N.Y.

DEAR DISTURBED BROTHER: I'm not sure how old you are, but you are certainly in a pickle. I'm glad you wrote to me about this.

If you tell your mother what's happening, chances are that she will put an end to this. Your 15-year-old sister should not be allowed to have her boyfriend in her room for extended periods. And if your mom is not home, your sister's boyfriend should not be allowed to visit.

I know your sister may not be pleased about this, but teens do not always know where to draw the line. I'm sure nobody in your house wants her to end up pregnant.

Meanwhile, you can tell your sister that her loud make-out sessions are really not cool, and that she should quit it. If she gets mad at you for a while, so be it. You may actually be saving her future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 85-year-old brother and I are very close, but we haven't lived near each other for more than 40 years. We mainly talk on the phone, but the other day he called and asked me to come visit him. He said that he and his wife aren't doing well and that they want to see my family and me -- including the grandchildren -- before they die. I told my son, and he blew it off, telling me that he and his family are busy.

Even if he won't take the time, I would like to take his children to see their great-uncle. How can I get the point across to him? I am willing to pay for their transportation. I just need permission to take them -- soon. -- Sincere Sister, Pittsburgh

DEAR SINCERE SISTER: Ask to meet with your son and his wife. Present your case to them about the urgency of visiting your brother as soon as possible. Ask their blessing to take their children on this visit. Lay out your recommendation for travel.

Keep in mind that they likely will be concerned about you traveling on your own, let alone with the children. Ask them to go with you if they are feeling trepidation, or to assign another adult family member or friend to escort you.

What you don't want is to miss the chance to share some love while your brother and his wife are alive. If your son and his wife refuse, go alone. Just go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighborhood is very friendly. We greet one another when outside, help out one another when cleaning the streets (sweeping leaves, shoveling snow, etc.) and are very cordial.

However, there is one family who isn't as kind and friendly. The overall view of that particular family is one of pure disdain. When they come outside, they do not greet anyone. In fact, one of the residents there cursed out an elderly woman on the block!

In preparation for the hurricane, everyone did their part the night before to clear the streets of tree leaves and debris, except them. That family lives closest to the storm drain at their end of the block. If they didn't clean their area, there was a great chance that the leaves in their area would clog the drain and cause flooding on the block.

How do you deal with neighbors who are blatantly inconsiderate and rude? -- Fed Up, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR FED UP: Now that the hurricane has passed, I pray that you and your neighbors were able to work with this family to clear the drains. Without question, in an emergency, even if your neighbors have bad manners, your community needs to come together to insist that safety precautions be followed.

When you approach a contentious neighbor as a united front while remaining friendly, you stand a better chance of being heard and heeded. In cases of life or death, you may need to engage local authorities to support you in getting contrary neighbors to make wise decisions.

Beyond that, you can continue to reach out to these neighbors, letting them know that you want them to be part of the community and doing your best to win them over with your welcoming nature.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter comes home every day telling me that a child in her class picks her nose daily, eats her dried snot and never washes her hands when she goes to the bathroom. This same child apparently also touches the other children, as children do, and my daughter is grossed out by it. These girls are 10 years old, which I think is old enough to know better. I go to the classroom, so I see that the teacher has signs up to reinforce hand washing and overall cleanliness. My guess is that the teacher hasn't noticed this unsanitary behavior. Should I tell her? -- Mindful Mom, Detroit

DEAR MINDFUL MOM: Definitely speak to the teacher in private and express your daughter's observations and concerns. If it is true that this girl is not practicing good hygiene, the teacher can notice her behavior and help correct her.

Be sure to tell your daughter not to obsess about this girl. Your daughter should continue to do her best not to touch her and wash her own hands frequently.