DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend just lost her job, and she is so upset that she says she wants to go back to the job and kill her boss. I'm serious. She is fuming mad and can't seem to control her anger. I have been suggesting that she blow off steam in other ways, including doing the basics like applying for unemployment insurance and even filing a claim against him if she thinks she was wrongly fired. I'm concerned, though. Should I tell the police if she says she's heading down there to hurt him? I don't really want to be involved. -- Concerned Friend, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: I know it's hard to imagine telling on your friend, but if you believe someone is about to commit a crime, you are obligated to speak up. You could do that by alerting security at your friend's workplace. You also could call the police and give the information you have, then step back.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You recently addressed a concern about a "no presents" request for a child's birthday party. Someone suggested the invited boy could make a coupon book as a gift. While I appreciate your affirmation of the value of handmade gifts, I strongly believe that misses the point. You recommended letting the host parents know that a guest intends to make a gift to clear the way for it to be received. You did not recommend asking the parents for permission to bring the gift, which is essential.

Why is it so hard in our culture to simply respect that a party host has the right to request that no gifts be brought, and that guests have an obligation to honor that request? Whether the gift is handmade or store-bought is immaterial. The parents hosting the party made that request on purpose, and it should be honored. If the boy who makes a gift brings it to the party, it makes others who actually honored the parents' instruction feel as if they, too, should have brought something. -- Respectfully Frustrated, Racine, Wis.

DEAR RESPECTFULLY FRUSTRATED: Thank you for your letter. Your general point that it's perfectly fine not to allow gifts at a party is important.

In my experience, children have many questions about gifts, especially when they are told not to bring one. Therefore, I strongly recommend that the host parents give context for why they don't want gifts so that parents of the guests can explain it to their children. The host parents may have any of several reasons -- the child doesn't need anything, they want to teach thriftiness, they are buying the child what he/she wants, etc.

As parents, I believe it is our responsibility to help our children understand why their friends make the different choices that they do. Hence, if the invitation does not explain the no-gifts policy, I recommend asking the host parents about it. In my daughter’s case, often the parents have not wanted the guest to spend money and have offered that a handmade gift would be welcome. Sometimes parents ask for gifts for charity instead of for their child. That, too, needs to be explained.

If the guests are made to understand the reasons, it will help everyone feel at ease in a society that typically encourages gift giving at birthdays.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I loved your answer to "Single and Starving," the young woman who described her frustrations with learning to cook. My mother, of blessed memory, used to tell me, "If you can read, you can cook." When I graduated college, one of the things she gave me was a cookbook. At the end of the summer, I rented an apartment with a friend from my graduating class, and we resolved to handle all our own cooking.

He and I had lots of fun honing our cooking skills, although most of the time we looked a lot more like the Muppets' Swedish Chef than like Emeril. Our apartment was in another college town, and we both made quite a few women friends. It was easy to meet them -- most of them were college and graduate students, and all we had to do was invite them over for home-cooked meals. We did all our own baking, too, and were frequently asked to bring our specialties to parties. I was known for Sacher tortes, he for his amazing chocolate-almond tortes.

I married a woman whose mother was too overprotective to give her even a basic education in the culinary arts (for fear she'd burn herself on the stove or cut herself with a knife), so I taught her how to cook and bake. We still share kitchen responsibilities.

The one piece of advice that I would add to yours would be for "Single and Starving" to find a beginner's cookbook that explains what all the cooking terms mean and identifies the basic utensils. That way, she won't be stymied when a recipe calls for her to dredge something in flour, chop and brown onions, or melt chocolate squares in a double boiler. Armed with that, she should find a friend who also wants to learn to cook, and have some fun in that kitchen! -- Self-Taught Cook, Chicago

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been in the same boat as "Single and Starving," and the book I found immensely helpful was "Help! My Apartment Has a Kitchen" (Houghton Mifflin, 1996), written by a college guy and his mother. It chronicles how the mom gradually got him cooking when he and his roommates spent all their money ordering pizza. -- Sympathetic, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SELF-TAUGHT COOK AND SYMPATHETIC: I love it when readers share their great ideas to support one another. One more good idea that came through for this novice cook was to look for free or affordable cooking classes in her area.

This topic keeps taking me back to my youth, when I did not want to learn to cook and didn't cook for years. Now I am loving the experience of cooking, creating new dishes and feeding my family.

When my daughter asked her baby sitter if she could make my recipe for green beans and portobello mushrooms because it's her favorite dish, I nearly fell out of my chair. To go from hardly cooking eggs to having a specialty dish that my child requests says I have come a long way. The same can be true for you!

DEAR READERS: Our country was hit a devastating blow by Hurricane Sandy that sent millions of Americans reeling. I live in Manhattan, N.Y., which was divided between those who had electricity and power and those who did not. Millions of gallons of water flooded New York City's tunnels. I don't know if the average New Yorker fully understood how essential the underground transportation system is to the daily commute. Same for the bridges and tunnels.

But, truth be told, we had it good. Yes, people in four of the five boroughs were inconvenienced, some dramatically. But Staten Island, our little sister borough, was decimated. And the state of New Jersey was dealt a catastrophic blow.

The good news is that the death toll is low, considering the swath of havoc this hurricane horrifically cut across our East Coast landscape. Still, people have died -- children and the elderly and parents. It's a reminder that life can never be properly valued. It is, as that famous commercial says, priceless.

As we are now days away from this tragedy, I wonder what we are learning from it. For sure, we see that nature is far more powerful than we are. I think some of us also recognize that we should heed the warning of emergency experts. Some lives could have been saved had people evacuated when it was required.

But more, something is happening to our world. We have had multiple weather disasters in the last few years that tell us our world is changing, and we better figure out how to change with it.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has basically told people to take their heads out of the sand, no pun intended, and to take the change in climate seriously. Others, including former Vice President Al Gore, the focus of the Academy Award-winning documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" (www.climatecrisis.net), have been sounding this alarm for years.

I hate to admit it, but I think most of us don't have a clue what we can do to help make our world a safer place. We know the political arguments: One side says that global warming is real and is caused largely by the human desire for convenience, driven by excavation and use of fossil fuels and the like. The other side says the geologic and climatological times are simply changing.

I wonder if we now will consider putting politics aside so that we can figure out how to support our country in rebuilding itself -- in a safer way. There is a lot of talk, especially during high political seasons, about preserving our country for the future. I would like to learn how we can actually do that.

Without question, we can all give something to the aid organizations that are helping with the immediate crisis on the ground that has displaced so many people. We can give generously to the American Red Cross (redcross.org), the Salvation Army (salvationarmy.org) and other local organizations that have risen to the occasion. But more, we need to research and learn about our world and how we can be better citizens of it. One source for information is epa.gov/climatechange.

The time is now.