DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning to study abroad in Paris next semester. I have a friend (if you can call her that -- she drives me crazy, but I am nice to her) who keeps asking about where I am studying abroad and wanting to know all the details. I am afraid she will want to do the same program as me.

What should I do or say? I don't want to ignore her, but I don't want her coming with me, either. -- Going Solo, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR GOING SOLO: It may be hard for you to hold fast, but I think you are doing the right thing by not telling your friend where you are going. If your gut tells you that she will want to tag along -- and if you don't want that -- don't help her figure it out.

You can tell her that you have decided not to talk about your study plans for next semester. In that way, you aren't lying by saying you don't know yet -- which, by the way, only keeps her asking questions as she tries to find out when you have made up your mind. If she asks why you don't want to talk about it, tell her that you want this experience to be unique for you, and you want to do it alone. It's not being mean to be clear about your intentions. It's actually more unkind to be vague.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am taking yoga at a new venue that is cheap and easy for me to get to from where I live. I have been going for several weeks. The woman who leads it picks favorites in the class and doesn't acknowledge the rest of us, except to tell us we are doing it wrong. She doesn't even try to learn our names and sticks with the people she knows and likes.

I don't want to quit, but I want to have a positive experience and enjoy going. What should I do? -- Yogi, New York

DEAR YOGI: The point of doing yoga is to have a peaceful, harmonious experience. If you cannot tune out the teacher's favoritism and center yourself while you are at class, you are in the wrong place.

The students your teacher interacts with may have been coming to class for a long time, and so she naturally gravitates toward them. The irony is that yoga is designed to inspire keen awareness, yet your teacher appears to be oblivious that she is playing favorites.

You could speak to the instructor privately and tell her your concerns before giving up. Tell her what you like about the class and the specifics about what bothers you. Apart from that, the good news is that New York City has many yoga studios. Do some digging, and chances are you can find another affordable studio more suited to your demeanor and in line with the spirit of the practice of yoga.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend recently referred me to a therapist. I feel comfortable talking to the therapist, and I've finally been able to talk about some of my issues.

I was feeling really lucky about this, and I mentioned it to my friend. I thanked her for giving me the referral, and then she said, "Oh, yes, she said that you all were having good sessions." My friend went on to mention a particular issue about my life that she said she and the therapist discussed.

I was mortified. It's one thing for me to talk to my friend about my life, but isn't it against the rules for a therapist to talk about what she discusses with her clients?

Now I feel betrayed and don't think I can go back to her, even though she has been really helpful. What should I do? -- Stressed and Betrayed, Detroit

DEAR STRESSED AND BETRAYED: It's great that you are going to a therapist, and it's awful that she overstepped her bounds in discussing your life with your friend. This is true even if your friend brought up the subject. The therapist has a responsibility to tell your friend -- or anyone else -- that your work together is confidential. Nothing else should be said.

But before you leave this relationship, especially since you feel you have benefited from it, speak to your therapist. Tell her that you feel your trust was violated when she talked about your situation with your friend. Ask her what happened. Have her explain herself.

Of course you can get another therapist. But the reason I want you to speak to her is twofold -- you want to find out what she believes happened, and you want to see if there's space for the two of you to move forward. Since you like working with her, it may be possible to continue.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My in-laws called and told me, not my husband, that they are coming to visit for a month at the end of the year. They did not ask. They just said this is how it's going to be. Never mind that there are five of them and four of us, and that we live in a two-bedroom apartment.

How are we going to manage this? I didn't want to say no, nor did I get a chance to say that. But a month is too long for all of us to coexist without some kind of explosion. -- Overwhelmed, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Ask your husband for his input. Find out if there is a bed-and-breakfast or other affordable lodging -- likely outside the city -- that you can recommend to them as an option. Call them back and tell them they can visit for a shorter time.

You do not have to agree to their terms simply because they asserted them. Decide with your husband what you can manage, and let them know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently attended an out-of-town wedding of two gay friends who can now legally marry in their state. Although I do not see them often, we share a long history (more than 30 years) of friendship and mutual friends.

Even though I knew several dozen of the attendees (there were only 65 people total), I was seated at a table where I did not know anyone. They were all nice, and I made a sincere effort to talk with everyone at the table. But I felt hurt and overlooked, which sucked all the oxygen out of the evening for me. I begged off dancing since I was not in the mood and left the party early.

Of course, I did not complain, but I feel sad now that I am home. I am happy for my friends, and I celebrate their commitment and love for each other. At the same time, I made the effort to attend the wedding, which involved round-trip airfare and hotel accommodations, and now I feel hurt and disappointed. How do I move beyond this? -- Stung, Washington, D.C.

DEAR STUNG: As hard as this may be to believe, I do not think your friends intended to isolate you at a table with strangers. Of course, it would have been best for them to seat you near people you know, especially since it seems you traveled to the wedding by yourself. But weddings are so tough to organize, and logistics often aren't handled in the best possible manner.

What you could have done is to enjoy yourself fully. At weddings, people don't usually spend much time at the reception table. Yes, they eat there, but then they often mingle with people at other tables, talk to the bride and groom, dance and have a good time. You decided to let your table placement knock you over. That's unfortunate.

I do not recommend bringing it up. Instead, let it go. Your friends would not have invited you and then intentionally hurt you. In the future, if they invite you to an activity, you can request that you be seated near people you know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My third-grader came home from school saying that a group of kids in her class almost came to blows as they discussed their "views" on the presidential election. I suppose it's great that these 8- and 9-year-olds are talking politics, but clearly they are just saying what their parents are saying. How can we keep them talking but prevent any fighting? -- Political Mom, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR POLITICAL MOM: It is good that children are aware of the presidential election. It means that adults who are potential voters are paying attention.

You are right that the children are parroting their parents' views. That's all they know at such a young age.

What you can do is speak to the teacher. Let the teacher know that the children are interested in the election and need some support in discussing it with decorum. Ask the teacher to set a discussion time where children can air their views and be guided on how to debate and disagree respectfully.