DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend recently referred me to a therapist. I feel comfortable talking to the therapist, and I've finally been able to talk about some of my issues.

I was feeling really lucky about this, and I mentioned it to my friend. I thanked her for giving me the referral, and then she said, "Oh, yes, she said that you all were having good sessions." My friend went on to mention a particular issue about my life that she said she and the therapist discussed.

I was mortified. It's one thing for me to talk to my friend about my life, but isn't it against the rules for a therapist to talk about what she discusses with her clients?

Now I feel betrayed and don't think I can go back to her, even though she has been really helpful. What should I do? -- Stressed and Betrayed, Detroit

DEAR STRESSED AND BETRAYED: It's great that you are going to a therapist, and it's awful that she overstepped her bounds in discussing your life with your friend. This is true even if your friend brought up the subject. The therapist has a responsibility to tell your friend -- or anyone else -- that your work together is confidential. Nothing else should be said.

But before you leave this relationship, especially since you feel you have benefited from it, speak to your therapist. Tell her that you feel your trust was violated when she talked about your situation with your friend. Ask her what happened. Have her explain herself.

Of course you can get another therapist. But the reason I want you to speak to her is twofold -- you want to find out what she believes happened, and you want to see if there's space for the two of you to move forward. Since you like working with her, it may be possible to continue.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My in-laws called and told me, not my husband, that they are coming to visit for a month at the end of the year. They did not ask. They just said this is how it's going to be. Never mind that there are five of them and four of us, and that we live in a two-bedroom apartment.

How are we going to manage this? I didn't want to say no, nor did I get a chance to say that. But a month is too long for all of us to coexist without some kind of explosion. -- Overwhelmed, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Ask your husband for his input. Find out if there is a bed-and-breakfast or other affordable lodging -- likely outside the city -- that you can recommend to them as an option. Call them back and tell them they can visit for a shorter time.

You do not have to agree to their terms simply because they asserted them. Decide with your husband what you can manage, and let them know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently attended an out-of-town wedding of two gay friends who can now legally marry in their state. Although I do not see them often, we share a long history (more than 30 years) of friendship and mutual friends.

Even though I knew several dozen of the attendees (there were only 65 people total), I was seated at a table where I did not know anyone. They were all nice, and I made a sincere effort to talk with everyone at the table. But I felt hurt and overlooked, which sucked all the oxygen out of the evening for me. I begged off dancing since I was not in the mood and left the party early.

Of course, I did not complain, but I feel sad now that I am home. I am happy for my friends, and I celebrate their commitment and love for each other. At the same time, I made the effort to attend the wedding, which involved round-trip airfare and hotel accommodations, and now I feel hurt and disappointed. How do I move beyond this? -- Stung, Washington, D.C.

DEAR STUNG: As hard as this may be to believe, I do not think your friends intended to isolate you at a table with strangers. Of course, it would have been best for them to seat you near people you know, especially since it seems you traveled to the wedding by yourself. But weddings are so tough to organize, and logistics often aren't handled in the best possible manner.

What you could have done is to enjoy yourself fully. At weddings, people don't usually spend much time at the reception table. Yes, they eat there, but then they often mingle with people at other tables, talk to the bride and groom, dance and have a good time. You decided to let your table placement knock you over. That's unfortunate.

I do not recommend bringing it up. Instead, let it go. Your friends would not have invited you and then intentionally hurt you. In the future, if they invite you to an activity, you can request that you be seated near people you know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My third-grader came home from school saying that a group of kids in her class almost came to blows as they discussed their "views" on the presidential election. I suppose it's great that these 8- and 9-year-olds are talking politics, but clearly they are just saying what their parents are saying. How can we keep them talking but prevent any fighting? -- Political Mom, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR POLITICAL MOM: It is good that children are aware of the presidential election. It means that adults who are potential voters are paying attention.

You are right that the children are parroting their parents' views. That's all they know at such a young age.

What you can do is speak to the teacher. Let the teacher know that the children are interested in the election and need some support in discussing it with decorum. Ask the teacher to set a discussion time where children can air their views and be guided on how to debate and disagree respectfully.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your response to "Crestfallen" (who was not included in her husband's will) is psychologically sound but legally insufficient. Every state has some statutory provision for a surviving spouse award despite non-inclusion in the decedent's will. For example, Section 15-1(a) of the Illinois Probate Act provides for an award of no less than $20,000 for a surviving spouse.

Furthermore, there may be a legal basis to contest the will. If the will is successfully challenged in Illinois, the surviving spouse may get 50 percent of the decedent's estate under the intestacy provisions of the Probate Act. "Crestfallen" really needs to talk to an attorney. -- Concerned Attorney, Chicago

DEAR CONCERNED ATTORNEY: I want to thank you and the many readers who wrote in to recommend that "Crestfallen" speak to an attorney. I focused on the widow's heart in my initial remarks. In addition to grieving for her loss and healing from the pain and shame of what the husband chose to do with his resources, this widow should reap financial benefit from his passing -- 30 years of marriage surely earned her that. I appreciate all of the readers who wrote in and wanted to be sure she is properly cared for.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know someone who has been married more than 13 years and feels stuck in her marriage. She is committed to the marriage, but she realizes that she's staying married because she doesn't want to hurt her husband.

They have young children, and she feels leaving would be selfish. There were some serious issues early in the relationship, but things have gotten better. I think that she's forcing herself to be satisfied with how things are.

She is even attracted to someone close to her husband. She's liked him for years and thought that it would just go away. What do you think? -- Observant Friend, Shreveport, La.

DEAR OBSERVANT FRIEND: It looks like the question on the table is, "What is commitment?" Your friend needs to evaluate her life to see what she wants and what she's willing to commit to. The man who is attractive to her right now is an indication that her heart and focus are not centered on her marriage. She needs to figure out why.

She may want to review why she got married in the first place. What did she find attractive about her husband? What values do they share? What works in their marriage?

Next is the big step -- talking to her husband. She needs to drum up the courage to tell him the truth about her feelings. It can be extremely hard to say what's in your heart, especially when so much is at stake, but not saying something is worse. It leaves so many unanswered questions, and the children likely will suffer.

She should talk to her husband about her state of mind. If she can get him to agree to therapy, that would be amazing. They can talk about what works and what doesn't and chart their course for the future together.