DEAR HARRIETTE: In the past few weeks, there's been a major shake-up in the leadership at my place of worship, resulting in discord with the church members. I've heard that some of the members are planning to leave the church to worship somewhere else. I would like to know what I can do to keep morale up while we are going through our transition. -- Tough Times, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR TOUGH TIMES: When there is significant difficulty in a church community, particularly when it involves the leadership, it is natural that some parishioners will choose to leave.

For you, what's most important is to decide how you feel about the shake-up that has occurred. Do you believe your institution can weather this storm in a way that will make you still feel welcome? Do you want to stay? Is there another house of worship you want to consider attending? Who can you talk to in your church to figure out what's really going on?

Since you want to help boost morale, it sounds like you want to step into a leadership role yourself. If so, you need to know where things stand now throughout the organization's leadership. Then be clear on your spiritual principles. If you believe in the power of prayer, for example, you might suggest that the congregation begin a special prayer circle where you pray and talk about the challenges the congregation is facing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When average people eat breakfast, they usually drink a beverage that's associated with the first meal of the day, i.e., fruit juice, water, tea or coffee. Not my best friend. He is the exception to the rule. My friend drinks beer, with a bagel and cream cheese on the side. He claims it's a breakfast of champions.

I love my best friend, but I think he is insane. Can you offer some insight to this problem? -- Friend to the End, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR FRIEND TO THE END: Your friend is living in a fantasy world. He knows that beer is not a breakfast drink.

Do you think your best friend is unhappy? I ask, because if someone chooses to get intoxicated shortly after waking up, there's a good chance he isn't content. Indeed, it could mean that he is intent on escaping his life.

If you think he's unhappy, you could -- as his best friend -- start talking to him about what's going on with him. Ultimately, he has to wake up to the reality of his life. You cannot do that for him. You can only nudge him.

You also could invite him to breakfast and tell him you are making him a healthy morning meal. Ask him to indulge you and enjoy it. Will you convince him to change his ways? Doubtful. You may be able to get him to eat well once in a while.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have just moved into our new house. This is our first time as homeowners, and we are so excited! But we do not agree on anything as far as decor.

One day, I found several cans of blue paint in the basement. When I asked my husband about them, he enthusiastically declared that he has plans to paint the walls of the basement lounge this very dark shade of blue.

While I hate this idea, I do not want to shoot down my husband's happiness. How do we come up with some sort of compromise? -- Worried Wife, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: You and your husband have not only a new house but also a whole new experience before you.

Sit down with your husband and acknowledge how big your project is. Tell him that you realize the two of you haven't made a plan together for designing and furnishing your new home. Tell him that you realize you aren't on the same page and that you think it's important to come to agreement on your plans, even if that means that you "agree to disagree."

Point out that you aren't a fan of the dark blue paint he bought for the basement, and ask if he might reconsider. Ask if there's anything you've come up with for the home that he doesn't love.

To get him interested in this sharing idea, he has to believe that you both make choices that aren't the favorite of the other. Then you realize there's common ground where you can meet.

The two of you can look at design books and TV shows to glean ideas. You also can go to your local home store, such as Home Depot or Lowe's, and get a free consultation from a professional to help set you on track.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to break what I see as a nasty habit. For the past three years, I have smoked four cigarettes and drunk two cups of coffee every morning before 8 a.m. If I don't stop smoking, I know I'm going to incur health problems that could have been easily avoided. Do you have any ideas? -- Hard Habit to Break, Union, N.J.

DEAR HARD HABIT: Congratulate yourself on being clear that your behavior is unhealthy. I wonder why this has been your habit for three years? Did something happen three years ago that upset you? Sometimes bad habits begin as a way of filling an emotional hole. I recommend that you go back in your memory to see if something triggered this behavior.

Beyond that, now's the time for help. Of course there's the chance that you can will yourself to stop smoking and drinking coffee, but both tobacco and caffeine are addictive and can be hard to walk away from.

Get a physical and ask your doctor to recommend some support for ending smoking. Quit smoking first, and then move to the coffee. Consider replacing one cup of coffee with water. Set a goal that you will drink only one cup of coffee per day by the end of the year.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a single girl, and I'm about to move into my first apartment. Because of my limited abilities in the kitchen, I usually eat out. But I know I will need to spend my money more wisely and learn how to cook now that I will be living on my own and will have more bills.

I am not the best cook. My specialty dishes are scrambled eggs and spaghetti with meat sauce ... and that is it. I've invested in cookbooks, but I get overwhelmed when I look through them.

Do you have any tips for someone who is learning to cook? -- Single and Starving, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SINGLE AND STARVING: I feel your pain! When I got my first apartment, 40 miles away from home, my mother made food and brought it to me. Thank goodness, I figured out over time that her wonderful support had to end.

The biggest thing you have to do is change your mindset. Instead of believing that you cannot make meals, take on cooking as a wonderful challenge. You can find video recipes online in which someone demonstrates how to prepare a meal, so that you don't have to read and interpret the recipe. Someone literally shows you how to do it. This website features many such recipes: www.myrecipes.com/quick-and-easy.

You also may want to invite a friend for dinner. Sometimes when you know you are making food for someone else, you put extra effort into the process, which can be incredibly rewarding for everyone.

Bottom line: Choose simple recipes and experiment. Over time, you will be able to expand your repertoire.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up three years ago. We were together for eight years, and my mother loves her. In fact, she considers my ex the daughter she never had.

After our breakup, my mother continued to call my ex and invite her out to dinner. They go shopping together, and she invites her to special family gatherings, even holiday dinners! This has become increasingly awkward, especially since I now have a new girlfriend.

This exchange between my mother and my ex makes it difficult for my new girlfriend to even have a chance. How do I tell my mother that her relationship with my ex makes me uncomfortable? -- Aggravated Son, Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR AGGRAVATED SON: If you had a relationship for eight years with your ex, chances are she became family with your mom. Just because you two broke up doesn't mean that your mother stopped loving her, as is evidenced by their relationship.

Instead of trying to squash their bond, tell your mother that you have a new girlfriend and that it's important to you that your mom makes room for her in her life. Tell your mother that you know she and your ex are close, but ask that she reconsider some of the activities to which she invites your ex because it's awkward for you. She may not be aware of how her actions are affecting you.