DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have just moved into our new house. This is our first time as homeowners, and we are so excited! But we do not agree on anything as far as decor.

One day, I found several cans of blue paint in the basement. When I asked my husband about them, he enthusiastically declared that he has plans to paint the walls of the basement lounge this very dark shade of blue.

While I hate this idea, I do not want to shoot down my husband's happiness. How do we come up with some sort of compromise? -- Worried Wife, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: You and your husband have not only a new house but also a whole new experience before you.

Sit down with your husband and acknowledge how big your project is. Tell him that you realize the two of you haven't made a plan together for designing and furnishing your new home. Tell him that you realize you aren't on the same page and that you think it's important to come to agreement on your plans, even if that means that you "agree to disagree."

Point out that you aren't a fan of the dark blue paint he bought for the basement, and ask if he might reconsider. Ask if there's anything you've come up with for the home that he doesn't love.

To get him interested in this sharing idea, he has to believe that you both make choices that aren't the favorite of the other. Then you realize there's common ground where you can meet.

The two of you can look at design books and TV shows to glean ideas. You also can go to your local home store, such as Home Depot or Lowe's, and get a free consultation from a professional to help set you on track.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to break what I see as a nasty habit. For the past three years, I have smoked four cigarettes and drunk two cups of coffee every morning before 8 a.m. If I don't stop smoking, I know I'm going to incur health problems that could have been easily avoided. Do you have any ideas? -- Hard Habit to Break, Union, N.J.

DEAR HARD HABIT: Congratulate yourself on being clear that your behavior is unhealthy. I wonder why this has been your habit for three years? Did something happen three years ago that upset you? Sometimes bad habits begin as a way of filling an emotional hole. I recommend that you go back in your memory to see if something triggered this behavior.

Beyond that, now's the time for help. Of course there's the chance that you can will yourself to stop smoking and drinking coffee, but both tobacco and caffeine are addictive and can be hard to walk away from.

Get a physical and ask your doctor to recommend some support for ending smoking. Quit smoking first, and then move to the coffee. Consider replacing one cup of coffee with water. Set a goal that you will drink only one cup of coffee per day by the end of the year.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a single girl, and I'm about to move into my first apartment. Because of my limited abilities in the kitchen, I usually eat out. But I know I will need to spend my money more wisely and learn how to cook now that I will be living on my own and will have more bills.

I am not the best cook. My specialty dishes are scrambled eggs and spaghetti with meat sauce ... and that is it. I've invested in cookbooks, but I get overwhelmed when I look through them.

Do you have any tips for someone who is learning to cook? -- Single and Starving, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SINGLE AND STARVING: I feel your pain! When I got my first apartment, 40 miles away from home, my mother made food and brought it to me. Thank goodness, I figured out over time that her wonderful support had to end.

The biggest thing you have to do is change your mindset. Instead of believing that you cannot make meals, take on cooking as a wonderful challenge. You can find video recipes online in which someone demonstrates how to prepare a meal, so that you don't have to read and interpret the recipe. Someone literally shows you how to do it. This website features many such recipes: www.myrecipes.com/quick-and-easy.

You also may want to invite a friend for dinner. Sometimes when you know you are making food for someone else, you put extra effort into the process, which can be incredibly rewarding for everyone.

Bottom line: Choose simple recipes and experiment. Over time, you will be able to expand your repertoire.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up three years ago. We were together for eight years, and my mother loves her. In fact, she considers my ex the daughter she never had.

After our breakup, my mother continued to call my ex and invite her out to dinner. They go shopping together, and she invites her to special family gatherings, even holiday dinners! This has become increasingly awkward, especially since I now have a new girlfriend.

This exchange between my mother and my ex makes it difficult for my new girlfriend to even have a chance. How do I tell my mother that her relationship with my ex makes me uncomfortable? -- Aggravated Son, Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR AGGRAVATED SON: If you had a relationship for eight years with your ex, chances are she became family with your mom. Just because you two broke up doesn't mean that your mother stopped loving her, as is evidenced by their relationship.

Instead of trying to squash their bond, tell your mother that you have a new girlfriend and that it's important to you that your mom makes room for her in her life. Tell your mother that you know she and your ex are close, but ask that she reconsider some of the activities to which she invites your ex because it's awkward for you. She may not be aware of how her actions are affecting you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought an expensive gift for my daughter for her 16th birthday, and she took one look at it and burst into tears. I know her hormones are raging, but her behavior was so extreme. I asked her what was wrong. She ran out of the room without saying.

I was so angry and hurt. It took a lot for me to save up and buy her a gift, which, by the way, she said she wanted.

What am I to think about this? How should I follow up? So far, she has been sulking. It has been a couple of days now. I am at my wit's end. -- Deflated, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR DEFLATED: Teenagers are known to sometimes have unexpected emotional reactions. That doesn't excuse your daughter's behavior, though.

Try not to take your daughter's behavior personally. Something is going on with her. Your gift may have triggered a memory or thought that was overwhelming for her.

Reach out to her with compassion. Tell her that it's time for the two of you to talk. Ask her to tell you about her birthday and what it feels like to have turned 16. Get her to talk to you about this pivotal point in her life. When she loosens up, ask her to tell you why she reacted so strongly to your gift.

Let her know that her behavior hurt your feelings and worried you. She needs to be reminded that you are a thinking, feeling person, too. This may help her to come back to center. If she continues to sulk, you may want to seek professional help to dig deeper and learn if she is having any serious emotional challenges.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bring my lunch to work every day. It helps me to save money, and it makes it easier for me to eat healthfully. The downside is that my co-workers are always looking at my lunch, asking questions about my diet and sometimes even asking to taste my food. I don't like that. I spend a lot of time making sure that I have healthy meals each day -- not to share with others. How can I let them know they need to stop checking out my lunch? -- Private Diner, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR PRIVATE DINER: I have a very different suggestion. Why not inspire the rest of the staff to eat in a healthier way? Suggest that one day you will talk to them more formally about the components of a healthy lunch and make recommendations for what they can bring from home. Some may like it. Others will probably back off.