DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I was promoted to a supervisory position at my job of five years. I am excited to have this new position, and I really needed the pay raise!

I will be supervising a staff of eight people, some of whom have been at this job many years longer than me. Already, rumors have been circulating around the office about my ability to do the job. Some people have said that I'm too young and inexperienced and that they don't want to work for me.

How do I get past all of this negativity? How do I squash the rumors, some of which may not even be true? And how do I appeal to my new staff? -- Insecure, Laredo, Texas

DEAR INSECURE: Take a step back and remember why you were promoted. Literally write down your assets as they relate to this job. What are you good at? Why were you hired? What skills do you have that qualify you for this position? Who are your allies at the job? Who are the naysayers?

You cannot control rumors, nor can you squash people's feelings regarding your youth. Instead, you can step into your role and be as prepared as possible to fulfill the duties before you.

As a supervisor, part of your job will be to inspire your team to do excellent work. Take the time in the first week to meet one-on-one with each of your staff members. Learn about their roles and responsibilities. Ask them what works well with their job and what may be a challenge. Make a connection with your employees. This will help to dispel any core concerns they may have about your interest in working with them.

When a new boss comes in, it's common for the staff to be skittish. Walk with confidence and compassion. Tell your team that you want to work together. Establish an open-door policy so they know you want to hear their ideas and concerns.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is about to celebrate her 20th anniversary of marriage. She is totally miserable, and her husband is totally happy -- or so he says. He wants to throw a big party to celebrate, and she absolutely does not want to do that. She's afraid that if she declines, she will hurt his feelings. She's also afraid that if she says "no," he will want to get into what's wrong. She doesn't want to talk about her unhappy feelings. How can I support her? -- Unhappy Anniversary, Chicago

DEAR UNHAPPY ANNIVERSARY: Gently encourage your friend to talk to her husband about her truth. She may not feel particularly courageous right now, but there really is no time like the present.

Faking it at a party is surely not the answer. Remaining silent isn't, either. Ask her if she honestly wants to go 20 more years in misery.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old niece has a new boyfriend. They have been dating for several months and are clearly in the "honeymoon stage" of their relationship. They are all over each other whenever the family gets together. Even at the dinner table, they are practically in each other's arms. I thought they were going to start making out at one point!

My mom and dad are usually present and are uncomfortable with my niece's extreme PDA -- not to mention the little kids who do not know what to think of it. My sister and her husband do not seem to care about their daughter's show of affection.

I am happy for my niece, but her actions are quite inappropriate. Should I say something to my sister about it? Or should I confront my niece? -- Get a Room, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR GET A ROOM: I vote for saying something to both of them. Dinner table etiquette does not call for a feel-me-up session. If your niece has not been taught that yet, now's the time.

Tell your niece that her behavior with her boyfriend makes you uncomfortable and is inappropriate for little children to observe. Suggest that she limit the pawing to private moments.

It's possible that your sister isn't noticing the behavior because she is so happy her daughter has made this connection. Tell your sister that although everybody is happy her daughter has a boyfriend, their blatant public displays of affection are making everybody around them uncomfortable. Ask her to talk to her daughter about being more discreet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband of 30 years just passed away from cancer. We had five kids together, and we all were there for him during his illness. Our relationship was up and down over the years, but we loved each other, and I have been a loyal wife and mother.

I just received his will and found out that he left me nothing. He left most of his life savings to a woman with whom he had an affair long ago. I feel betrayed and hurt. And now that he is gone, I feel like I cannot fight back.

I have so much anger and pain built up inside me. I want to be strong for my kids, but I don't know how. How can I recover from this? What steps can I take to have a better life? -- Crestfallen, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR CRESTFALLEN: I'm so sorry to hear about this seeming betrayal. Death often brings out the worst in people and relationships. Of course, your husband had the right to give his resources to anyone he wanted, yet for him not to think about his children or you is hurtful.

Do not dwell on this. Instead, go to counseling. Work through your feelings and figure out how to move on. You are alive. You can design your future in any way you choose. Naturally, you are hurt. But you can heal. Live for yourself and your children. Choose the happiness that exists in the many corners of your life right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been friends with "Greg" since we were kids. Things happened between Greg and me long ago, but the feelings aren't there anymore for either of us -- or so I thought.

I started talking with Greg's friend from college, "Charlie," and Charlie and I hit it off. Charlie lives in a different state, so whatever we had fell apart.

Recently, I started talking to Charlie again. Then I found out through Charlie that Greg doesn't like me talking with Charlie and that Greg has claimed me as "his girl." I'm disturbed by this, because I am not his girl, nor do I want to be.

How can I address this with Greg? I want to be friends, but I don't want to lead him on in any way, especially since I have no feelings for him. Also, I don't want to jeopardize Greg and Charlie's friendship, but I want to keep talking to Charlie. What should I do? -- Stuck in the Past, Kalamazoo, Mich.

DEAR STUCK IN THE PAST: There are plenty of unwritten rules about dating the friends of an ex. These rules are usually some variation of "stay away." It may not seem logical to keep a distance, especially if you and your ex have been apart for years. But it's not unusual for an old flame to believe that his or her friends are off-limits.

That Greg is laying claim to you is oddly aggressive, and it may result from some residual hurt feelings. That said, you have the right to step up and claim your future.

Start by contacting Greg and telling him that you did not mean to hurt his feelings by befriending Charlie. Remind him that you two have not been an item for years and that you thought it was fine to hang out with Charlie. Express your sincere dismay that you may have upset the equilibrium in their friendship.

Listen to what he has to say. Let him know your plans before you hang up the phone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my dad, but he can be cruel. He is often trying to get me and my brothers (we're all in high school) to fist-fight with one another. After we fight, he praises the winner and expresses his disappointment in the loser. The fights usually have the same result, and I am not the winner.

I don't know how to please my dad, and I don't enjoy fighting with my brothers. How can I get through to him? --Sad Son, Philadelphia

DEAR SAD SON: If you have the courage to do so, stop fighting with your brothers. Tell your dad that you love him and them and that you don't want to fight anymore.

Work at developing a relationship with your dad. Do your best to carve out some one-on-one time with him. Engage him by talking about his favorite topics. Tell him about your day. Ask him to help you solve a homework problem. When you do anything together at all, thank him for taking the time to do it. He may begin to notice that he likes this special time, too.