DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old niece has a new boyfriend. They have been dating for several months and are clearly in the "honeymoon stage" of their relationship. They are all over each other whenever the family gets together. Even at the dinner table, they are practically in each other's arms. I thought they were going to start making out at one point!

My mom and dad are usually present and are uncomfortable with my niece's extreme PDA -- not to mention the little kids who do not know what to think of it. My sister and her husband do not seem to care about their daughter's show of affection.

I am happy for my niece, but her actions are quite inappropriate. Should I say something to my sister about it? Or should I confront my niece? -- Get a Room, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR GET A ROOM: I vote for saying something to both of them. Dinner table etiquette does not call for a feel-me-up session. If your niece has not been taught that yet, now's the time.

Tell your niece that her behavior with her boyfriend makes you uncomfortable and is inappropriate for little children to observe. Suggest that she limit the pawing to private moments.

It's possible that your sister isn't noticing the behavior because she is so happy her daughter has made this connection. Tell your sister that although everybody is happy her daughter has a boyfriend, their blatant public displays of affection are making everybody around them uncomfortable. Ask her to talk to her daughter about being more discreet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband of 30 years just passed away from cancer. We had five kids together, and we all were there for him during his illness. Our relationship was up and down over the years, but we loved each other, and I have been a loyal wife and mother.

I just received his will and found out that he left me nothing. He left most of his life savings to a woman with whom he had an affair long ago. I feel betrayed and hurt. And now that he is gone, I feel like I cannot fight back.

I have so much anger and pain built up inside me. I want to be strong for my kids, but I don't know how. How can I recover from this? What steps can I take to have a better life? -- Crestfallen, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR CRESTFALLEN: I'm so sorry to hear about this seeming betrayal. Death often brings out the worst in people and relationships. Of course, your husband had the right to give his resources to anyone he wanted, yet for him not to think about his children or you is hurtful.

Do not dwell on this. Instead, go to counseling. Work through your feelings and figure out how to move on. You are alive. You can design your future in any way you choose. Naturally, you are hurt. But you can heal. Live for yourself and your children. Choose the happiness that exists in the many corners of your life right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been friends with "Greg" since we were kids. Things happened between Greg and me long ago, but the feelings aren't there anymore for either of us -- or so I thought.

I started talking with Greg's friend from college, "Charlie," and Charlie and I hit it off. Charlie lives in a different state, so whatever we had fell apart.

Recently, I started talking to Charlie again. Then I found out through Charlie that Greg doesn't like me talking with Charlie and that Greg has claimed me as "his girl." I'm disturbed by this, because I am not his girl, nor do I want to be.

How can I address this with Greg? I want to be friends, but I don't want to lead him on in any way, especially since I have no feelings for him. Also, I don't want to jeopardize Greg and Charlie's friendship, but I want to keep talking to Charlie. What should I do? -- Stuck in the Past, Kalamazoo, Mich.

DEAR STUCK IN THE PAST: There are plenty of unwritten rules about dating the friends of an ex. These rules are usually some variation of "stay away." It may not seem logical to keep a distance, especially if you and your ex have been apart for years. But it's not unusual for an old flame to believe that his or her friends are off-limits.

That Greg is laying claim to you is oddly aggressive, and it may result from some residual hurt feelings. That said, you have the right to step up and claim your future.

Start by contacting Greg and telling him that you did not mean to hurt his feelings by befriending Charlie. Remind him that you two have not been an item for years and that you thought it was fine to hang out with Charlie. Express your sincere dismay that you may have upset the equilibrium in their friendship.

Listen to what he has to say. Let him know your plans before you hang up the phone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my dad, but he can be cruel. He is often trying to get me and my brothers (we're all in high school) to fist-fight with one another. After we fight, he praises the winner and expresses his disappointment in the loser. The fights usually have the same result, and I am not the winner.

I don't know how to please my dad, and I don't enjoy fighting with my brothers. How can I get through to him? --Sad Son, Philadelphia

DEAR SAD SON: If you have the courage to do so, stop fighting with your brothers. Tell your dad that you love him and them and that you don't want to fight anymore.

Work at developing a relationship with your dad. Do your best to carve out some one-on-one time with him. Engage him by talking about his favorite topics. Tell him about your day. Ask him to help you solve a homework problem. When you do anything together at all, thank him for taking the time to do it. He may begin to notice that he likes this special time, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am applying to a program and need a recommendation from a professor. I emailed one of my favorite professors, asking for a recommendation and letting her know the deadline was in two weeks. She graciously agreed and said that since she was busy, I should write the recommendation and give it to her to revise and send.

I have a few questions concerning this. First, is two weeks' notice not enough? How far in advance should recommendations be requested? Second, is it normal for a professor to ask the student to write the recommendation? I am sort of uncomfortable with writing a recommendation for myself and then having her revise it. I don't want to toot my own horn, nor do I want her to think I'm raving about myself. What should I do in this predicament? -- Uncomfortable, New York

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I understand that you would prefer your professor to write the recommendation on your behalf. However, it is not unusual that she asked for help in this effort. In addition to being busy, the professor may not remember key highlights of your time together that you might think were valuable. Sometimes professors (or former employers) will ask to be reminded of important moments or projects that should be included in a recommendation. In this case, she has requested a complete document that can be edited. I say, go for it.

Writing about your experience in that class will help you recall and focus on specific instances of strength and leadership. Being able to speak about your educational career is essential to your growth, especially when you are applying to a program that can further your development.

When asking for references, it's always good to give as much notice as possible. Two weeks is acceptable. I recommend following up with the person to remind him or her as the deadline gets closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My close friend, who has had the same boyfriend for three years, just told me that she made out with a guy she worked with over the summer. Apparently, the guy she made out with also has a girlfriend and is moving in with her.

My friend told me that whatever they had during the summer stopped because of the distance and because they both had other relationships, but they still text all the time. She says that since she didn't have sex with the guy, it isn't a big deal and her boyfriend doesn't need to know.

I'm concerned about the consequences that will result from her actions. She still has feelings for the guy, but she says she loves her boyfriend and could not break up with him. What do I say to lead her in the right direction? -- Worried Friend, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED FRIEND: If she asks for advice, tell your friend that she needs to reconcile her heart. If she wants to be with her boyfriend, she needs to close the door on the other guy and get focused. If she wants to stay connected to the other guy, she needs to sort out her feelings and come clean with her boyfriend. Then stay out of it. This is not your business.