DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call from one of my former employees who intends to apply to business school. I am so happy for her. I remember her as being a very nice, consistent person. She did a good job when she worked for me, but it was so many years ago that I don't remember details.

I immediately agreed to help her, but now I'm at a loss. Is it wrong to ask her to remind me what she did when she worked with me? I am embarrassed that I don't remember. -- Forgetful, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FORGETFUL: By all means, contact your former employee and ask for highlights of her experience with you. You need not be embarrassed. She is reaching out in hopes that you can help her cross a significant hurdle in her career. If she's smart, she will be thrilled that you asked, because it gives her a chance to tell you the things that stood out for her and that she thinks are relevant for this school.

In the future, you may want to keep notes on your employees and write synopses for yourself after they leave so you don't have to rely upon memory.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I know fairly well, whom I call a friend, told me that she just had major surgery. She didn't reveal what it was, but during the course of the conversation, I figured it out. I didn't ask her any questions or let on that I knew, because it's none of my business. What's weird is that she seems to want to keep the details secret, but she keeps talking about her recovery.

I'm not sure how to support her. I don't want to get too deep in her business, but when she keeps saying stuff to me, how do I respond and keep her confidentiality? --Sensitive Subject, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR SENSITIVE SUBJECT: You may want to ask your friend how you can best support her. You can be a friend by bringing her food, flowers or a good book, and by occasionally calling to make casual conversation that doesn't prompt her to provide too much information.

She may be someone who appreciates a good listener. In that case, you can agree to be a silent sounding board. If she starts to ask for your input, you can ask if she really wants to talk about her condition or if she's just venting. You can also change the subject if you feel that either of you has crossed a line.

Recovering from an illness or major surgery can be traumatic, and not just for the person who underwent it. Loved ones can suffer as well. You can take care of yourself by recognizing how much information you can hold onto before it feels like a burden.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event the other night where I was invited to give an award to one of the recipients. I told the event organizer that I could do it as long as I could leave soon after. I have a young child, and I had to relieve the baby sitter. She assured me that it was fine.

But when it came time to leave, I realized it was going to be very awkward to get out, because I was all the way in the front of the room, and there was never a break in the program. Dinner was served, and people were eating as the awards continued to be given out.

I slipped out after a bit, but I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone at my table. I couldn't figure out how to exit gracefully and politely say goodbye at the same time. Was I wrong in stealing away quietly? What could I have done differently? -- Clumsy Exit, New York

DEAR CLUMSY EXIT: It was better to leave discreetly, especially since it was in the middle of the program. You are right that it would likely have been disruptive to interrupt your tablemates to say goodbye.

You did the right thing by informing the host. The other possible action you can still take is to send follow-up notes to the event organizer and to any of your tablemates whom you know, telling them how nice it was to be at the event and that you apologize again for leaving early. Congratulate anyone who received an award and turn the page. You did the best you could.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is a constant complainer. Everything is a problem, it seems. I have listened to her for years, and now I tend to drown out the sound, because it's endless. I even began to limit our conversations in recent years because it's hard to take all of the complaints.

I spoke to her this week and, much to my surprise, she informed me that she just had major surgery. It turns out that one of her complaints for all these years was a major internal problem that no doctor could figure out. The surgeon discovered it only after operating on her for something else.

I feel bad that I doubted her, but honestly, her complaints wore me down. Should I apologize or just attempt to start listening better? -- Tired of Crying Wolf, Seattle

DEAR TIRED OF CRYING WOLF: It's a blessing that your friend got the medical attention she needed to deal with a long-term illness. You can acknowledge that. I would leave the rest alone.

You call her a complainer, likely because she complains about other areas of her life, too. You are not her psychologist. Rather than stepping into that territory, you can stay in your lane and, as you said, try to be a better listener.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I witnessed my classmate shoplift yesterday. She had invited me to go with her to the mall, and I went. Hey, that's what we teens do after school. I like this girl, but I don't know her really well.

I was shocked to see that she put something in her purse and walked out. I wasn't sure what to do.

I called her on it, and she said it was "light stuff." I'm upset. At the least, I want to step away from her, but she has a big personality. How should I handle this so I don't lose all my friends? -- Angry, Salt Lake City

DEAR ANGRY: Be happy that you are not a shoplifter. It can be a sickness for people. Who knows what your classmate's reality is?

It's good that you already addressed the situation with her. Broach the subject one more time, and tell her that her shoplifting is a deal-breaker for you. You like her, but you do not condone that kind of behavior. Tell her that you don't intend to broadcast what she did to your group of friends, but you hope she will get the help she needs to start making different decisions.

As far as the other friends go, you have to make a decision. You can choose to keep the theft secret and let the cards play out as they will. Or you can privately speak to your closest friends and let them know that you and the other girl have experienced a rift and that you hope it will not affect your friendship. No need to describe the rift. Just get on the front end of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a freelance gig that was good for twice a month for several years. I did a good job and got great feedback from my bosses. But then new management came in, and I don't get calls anymore. My freelance gig is done. I'm so sad about it. And I don't know if I have a leg to stand on to retaliate. I have called a few times to see if there's a role for me, but I haven't even gotten a response. Don't you think that's rude?

Is there anything more I can do? I get that new management sometimes means the end of the status quo, but I never thought I would be a part of that. -- It's Over, New Orleans

DEAR IT'S OVER: How about another approach? Ask your former boss if you can get a recommendation for the work you did together. This may open up a dialogue. If the person realizes you have been pushed out but cannot do anything about it, chances are the recommendation letter will be filled with flourishes.

Though it's hard to do, I strongly recommend that you attempt to not take it personally. Of course your feelings are hurt, but it may not be about you. Do a self-evaluation on that point. And get your letter to help forge what's next for you!