DEAR HARRIETTE: I witnessed my classmate shoplift yesterday. She had invited me to go with her to the mall, and I went. Hey, that's what we teens do after school. I like this girl, but I don't know her really well.

I was shocked to see that she put something in her purse and walked out. I wasn't sure what to do.

I called her on it, and she said it was "light stuff." I'm upset. At the least, I want to step away from her, but she has a big personality. How should I handle this so I don't lose all my friends? -- Angry, Salt Lake City

DEAR ANGRY: Be happy that you are not a shoplifter. It can be a sickness for people. Who knows what your classmate's reality is?

It's good that you already addressed the situation with her. Broach the subject one more time, and tell her that her shoplifting is a deal-breaker for you. You like her, but you do not condone that kind of behavior. Tell her that you don't intend to broadcast what she did to your group of friends, but you hope she will get the help she needs to start making different decisions.

As far as the other friends go, you have to make a decision. You can choose to keep the theft secret and let the cards play out as they will. Or you can privately speak to your closest friends and let them know that you and the other girl have experienced a rift and that you hope it will not affect your friendship. No need to describe the rift. Just get on the front end of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a freelance gig that was good for twice a month for several years. I did a good job and got great feedback from my bosses. But then new management came in, and I don't get calls anymore. My freelance gig is done. I'm so sad about it. And I don't know if I have a leg to stand on to retaliate. I have called a few times to see if there's a role for me, but I haven't even gotten a response. Don't you think that's rude?

Is there anything more I can do? I get that new management sometimes means the end of the status quo, but I never thought I would be a part of that. -- It's Over, New Orleans

DEAR IT'S OVER: How about another approach? Ask your former boss if you can get a recommendation for the work you did together. This may open up a dialogue. If the person realizes you have been pushed out but cannot do anything about it, chances are the recommendation letter will be filled with flourishes.

Though it's hard to do, I strongly recommend that you attempt to not take it personally. Of course your feelings are hurt, but it may not be about you. Do a self-evaluation on that point. And get your letter to help forge what's next for you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been going to a therapist for about a year, and I'm not sure what to think of it. She has been helpful, in that now we argue less and are more civil to each other. That's a blessing. But I don't think we like each other that much. We hardly do anything together. I don't think that's how life is supposed to be.

We have two kids who have noticed the strain in our relationship, although they probably think things are better since we aren't arguing. I don't know what to do. Therapy is helpful, but I'm left with tons of questions.

Should I give up now? And if so, how do I walk away when I have kids? -- Sinking, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SINKING: Do you think you can have a civil conversation with your husband and talk about how you are feeling? If you are considering leaving your marriage, can you tell him that, and why? Even if you decide to break up, you need to talk it through because you have children.

Tell your husband you want to have an honest dialogue about your future. To the best of your ability, stay calm. Ask him what he's thinking, share what's in your heart and be direct with each other. Being honest about your raw emotions could open up a discussion that allows the truth to be heard. This may be the way to open the door to whatever is next.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I've wasted my life. I work in a job I hate, and I've worked there for more than 20 years. I know this is a terrible time to change jobs, but I feel so stuck. I want more for my life, but I'm not sure how to get it. I never got married. I have a few friends, but not many. I am bored and disappointed in myself. -- Fed Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FED UP: Work is not everything. You don't have to change your job to find happiness or excitement. Instead, consider upping your extracurricular activities.

What do you like to do? Are there things you have never done that appeal to you? Take some vacation time to do something you have always wanted to do but never dared or had time to consider. Invite someone whom you like but don't know well to lunch, drinks or dinner.

As for work, go there with a new attitude. Be grateful that you have a job. Look around to see if there's anything you can offer that would ensure more job security for everyone. By serving your company, it's likely you will become more appealing to your employer and, in turn, become more interested in your job. It's called an "attitude adjustment." Try it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are planning to take our relationship to the next level and have a child. I'm interested in the idea of co-parenting.

I think my boyfriend is planning to propose to me while we are on vacation. This may sound strange, but I'm not interested in marrying this man, though I would love to have his child. Do you think I'm crazy for thinking that way? -- Carriage Before Marriage, Salt Lake City

DEAR CARRIAGE BEFORE MARRIAGE: I'm curious why you don't want to marry this man but you do want to have his child. A number of women have told me that they asked a male friend to donate sperm so they could have a baby, even as they made it clear they did not want a relationship. This may be a growing trend for those who want to have children, even if they are uncoupled. Given that the number of single women continues to rise, this may become a new norm.

In your case, this is your boyfriend, so I'm wondering why you are reluctant to commit to him. Are you afraid of commitment? Is it something about him? Are you worried that a marriage to him won't last? Do yourself a favor and figure that out before you get pregnant.

First, though, you need to deal with the proposal. If you tell your boyfriend you don't want to get married, he will want to know why. If you then tell him you want to have a baby with him, you will need to explain your thinking.

Envision your life five years down the line, co-parenting a child with your boyfriend. Be prepared to describe what that life looks like. If your visions can match, perhaps it's worth a try.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Before I met my husband, I had a lot of male friends in my life, and I enjoyed my friendships with them. I made sure that my husband met my male friends for the sake of putting faces with the names.

Most of my male friends know where they stand in regard to my relationship with my husband. However, I have one male friend who doesn't know where he stands. This friend calls me at least three times a day; he even called me at 7:30 a.m. just to see how I was doing. I was having breakfast with my husband, and my husband looked at me like I was crazy.

I do not want any problems in my home. I cherish the friendship, but this guy is really starting to become a pain. How do I tell my friend to take it easy with the calls? -- Friend to the End, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR FRIEND TO THE END: Which do you value more -- your marriage or this friend? If you want a healthy marriage, this particular friendship has to end. Clearly, this man is unwilling to accept that your marriage is primary in your life. Don't let him ruin your future.