DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been going to a therapist for about a year, and I'm not sure what to think of it. She has been helpful, in that now we argue less and are more civil to each other. That's a blessing. But I don't think we like each other that much. We hardly do anything together. I don't think that's how life is supposed to be.
We have two kids who have noticed the strain in our relationship, although they probably think things are better since we aren't arguing. I don't know what to do. Therapy is helpful, but I'm left with tons of questions.
Should I give up now? And if so, how do I walk away when I have kids? -- Sinking, Brooklyn, N.Y.
DEAR SINKING: Do you think you can have a civil conversation with your husband and talk about how you are feeling? If you are considering leaving your marriage, can you tell him that, and why? Even if you decide to break up, you need to talk it through because you have children.
Tell your husband you want to have an honest dialogue about your future. To the best of your ability, stay calm. Ask him what he's thinking, share what's in your heart and be direct with each other. Being honest about your raw emotions could open up a discussion that allows the truth to be heard. This may be the way to open the door to whatever is next.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I've wasted my life. I work in a job I hate, and I've worked there for more than 20 years. I know this is a terrible time to change jobs, but I feel so stuck. I want more for my life, but I'm not sure how to get it. I never got married. I have a few friends, but not many. I am bored and disappointed in myself. -- Fed Up, Washington, D.C.
DEAR FED UP: Work is not everything. You don't have to change your job to find happiness or excitement. Instead, consider upping your extracurricular activities.
What do you like to do? Are there things you have never done that appeal to you? Take some vacation time to do something you have always wanted to do but never dared or had time to consider. Invite someone whom you like but don't know well to lunch, drinks or dinner.
As for work, go there with a new attitude. Be grateful that you have a job. Look around to see if there's anything you can offer that would ensure more job security for everyone. By serving your company, it's likely you will become more appealing to your employer and, in turn, become more interested in your job. It's called an "attitude adjustment." Try it.