DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been going to a therapist for about a year, and I'm not sure what to think of it. She has been helpful, in that now we argue less and are more civil to each other. That's a blessing. But I don't think we like each other that much. We hardly do anything together. I don't think that's how life is supposed to be.

We have two kids who have noticed the strain in our relationship, although they probably think things are better since we aren't arguing. I don't know what to do. Therapy is helpful, but I'm left with tons of questions.

Should I give up now? And if so, how do I walk away when I have kids? -- Sinking, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR SINKING: Do you think you can have a civil conversation with your husband and talk about how you are feeling? If you are considering leaving your marriage, can you tell him that, and why? Even if you decide to break up, you need to talk it through because you have children.

Tell your husband you want to have an honest dialogue about your future. To the best of your ability, stay calm. Ask him what he's thinking, share what's in your heart and be direct with each other. Being honest about your raw emotions could open up a discussion that allows the truth to be heard. This may be the way to open the door to whatever is next.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I've wasted my life. I work in a job I hate, and I've worked there for more than 20 years. I know this is a terrible time to change jobs, but I feel so stuck. I want more for my life, but I'm not sure how to get it. I never got married. I have a few friends, but not many. I am bored and disappointed in myself. -- Fed Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FED UP: Work is not everything. You don't have to change your job to find happiness or excitement. Instead, consider upping your extracurricular activities.

What do you like to do? Are there things you have never done that appeal to you? Take some vacation time to do something you have always wanted to do but never dared or had time to consider. Invite someone whom you like but don't know well to lunch, drinks or dinner.

As for work, go there with a new attitude. Be grateful that you have a job. Look around to see if there's anything you can offer that would ensure more job security for everyone. By serving your company, it's likely you will become more appealing to your employer and, in turn, become more interested in your job. It's called an "attitude adjustment." Try it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are planning to take our relationship to the next level and have a child. I'm interested in the idea of co-parenting.

I think my boyfriend is planning to propose to me while we are on vacation. This may sound strange, but I'm not interested in marrying this man, though I would love to have his child. Do you think I'm crazy for thinking that way? -- Carriage Before Marriage, Salt Lake City

DEAR CARRIAGE BEFORE MARRIAGE: I'm curious why you don't want to marry this man but you do want to have his child. A number of women have told me that they asked a male friend to donate sperm so they could have a baby, even as they made it clear they did not want a relationship. This may be a growing trend for those who want to have children, even if they are uncoupled. Given that the number of single women continues to rise, this may become a new norm.

In your case, this is your boyfriend, so I'm wondering why you are reluctant to commit to him. Are you afraid of commitment? Is it something about him? Are you worried that a marriage to him won't last? Do yourself a favor and figure that out before you get pregnant.

First, though, you need to deal with the proposal. If you tell your boyfriend you don't want to get married, he will want to know why. If you then tell him you want to have a baby with him, you will need to explain your thinking.

Envision your life five years down the line, co-parenting a child with your boyfriend. Be prepared to describe what that life looks like. If your visions can match, perhaps it's worth a try.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Before I met my husband, I had a lot of male friends in my life, and I enjoyed my friendships with them. I made sure that my husband met my male friends for the sake of putting faces with the names.

Most of my male friends know where they stand in regard to my relationship with my husband. However, I have one male friend who doesn't know where he stands. This friend calls me at least three times a day; he even called me at 7:30 a.m. just to see how I was doing. I was having breakfast with my husband, and my husband looked at me like I was crazy.

I do not want any problems in my home. I cherish the friendship, but this guy is really starting to become a pain. How do I tell my friend to take it easy with the calls? -- Friend to the End, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR FRIEND TO THE END: Which do you value more -- your marriage or this friend? If you want a healthy marriage, this particular friendship has to end. Clearly, this man is unwilling to accept that your marriage is primary in your life. Don't let him ruin your future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was on the subway talking to a friend, and the conversation turned to politics. We were quite excited as we talked about the presidential election and all the things that have been happening between the candidates. I think we were too loud. We absolutely had our opinions, and I noticed that some of the people on the train didn't share them. Nobody said anything, but I could tell they were ready to pounce.

What's the better thing to do? Talk about politics in public or only in private spaces? -- Jazzed About Politics, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR JAZZED ABOUT POLITICS: There are differing views on this subject. Just as it's not recommended that you talk about politics, race or religion over a meal or in a social setting, the old-school rules say you shouldn't debate presidential politics on the subway. You are in a confined area where people likely do not want to hear what you're talking about, whatever it is. Politics can be such a hot button; it can be easy to incite rage or intense emotion in others around you.

That said, I am actually in favor of healthy, respectful engagement as it relates to this election. I want people to talk about their ideas and be prepared to stand up for what they believe. This doesn't mean you should blast out commuters with loud talk. It does mean you shouldn't have to be in the quiet or privacy of your home. If you can speak at a respectful level on a subway car, express your opinions and not drown out others, who knows where that conversation can lead? The most important thing for you to remember is that everyone has an opinion, and they all are worthy of being heard.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week I went to visit my grandmother for the annual Sunday night family dinner. We had a great time, and nobody wanted to go home. But before I left my grandmother's house, she pulled me aside to ask if I had something for her. That's her way of saying, "Do you have any money for me?" She asks everyone the same question every time we come over to the house. One time, she even asked my girlfriend for money.

My grandmother is out of control, and I need some advice. How do I tell her that asking my girlfriend for money is inappropriate? How do I get my grandmother to stop asking us for money every time? -- Grandson, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR GRANDSON: The rules used to be that family members would always come bearing gifts of cash -- in whatever amount -- to female family elders. Thus, your grandmother is not doing anything unusual in her book.

Drawing the line with your girlfriend, however, seems acceptable. Speak to your grandmother privately and tell her that it makes you uncomfortable for her to ask your girlfriend for anything. Ask Grandma to reserve her requests for the family. Then, even if you bring a couple of dollars she should be satisfied. Pre-empt her question by handing her an envelope.