DEAR HARRIETTE: I got an email from someone asking me to participate in a business project with him. He said he was referred to me by a woman with whom I used to work. She did not reach out to me. He did directly. I signed his nondisclosure and have been inching toward working with him, but something seems off. First of all, he doesn't seem business-savvy. But since she referred him, I want to give him a chance. Am I wrong to do that? -- Unsure, Shreveport, La.

DEAR UNSURE: Right after you heard from this man -- and before signing a nondisclosure -- you should have called your friend to check his references. Just because he said she recommended him doesn't mean it's so. This man could be borrowing on your friend's name.

I prefer referrals to be direct. If I refer someone, I pick up the phone or send an email and say as much.

You are where you are. Stop now and contact your friend. Find out what she knows about him. Even more, trust your instincts. If you don't think he's a match for you, move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I like your common-sense advice and enjoy reading your responses in the Chicago Tribune.

I had another thought about your answer to "Cold Feet" (the man who broke it off with his fiancee because she was unwilling to help take care of his children). We don't have both sides of the story, and he doesn't specify who ended the engagement. It could have been the girlfriend because he may have expected her, as a female, to take over parenting duties and was trying to cut out the mom.

I say that as a legal aid attorney who has represented mostly women in divorce/custody cases for almost 25 years. I am also a stepmom with a very close relationship to my husband's daughter. I did lots of "kid duty" when she was small.

You were right to praise "Cold Feet" for putting his kids first, and I hope that's the case, but something didn't ring quite true about his letter. -- Skeptical, Chicago

DEAR SKEPTICAL: I have received a number of letters regarding this situation. Your voice is an important addition.

It is possible that this man was not being fully forthcoming. Custody battles can be intense, calculating and ugly. Let's hope that's not the case here.

I maintain that any potential spouse of a parent with children must accept responsibility for supporting the children emotionally and more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is trying to marry me off every chance he gets. I asked him why he was so concerned about my personal well-being. His response was, "You're a good guy, and I don't want to see you alone for the rest of your life."

I know he means well, but how do I tell my friend to slow down and quit trying to get me married? -- Not in a Rush, New York

DEAR NOT IN A RUSH: I've heard a lot of women with your complaint. Loved ones worry about the "good guys" and "good gals" who are single, often thinking it's unfair that they are alone. I'm sure your friend means well, but he has stepped into your business.

Be direct with him. Tell him that although you appreciate his concern and respect, you are comfortable as you are. If you choose to add more, you can explain that you are trying not to jump into anything before it feels right. You may have other reasons as well.

What's actually more important is for you to give clear thought to why you are single. Are you content with your choice? Do you want to find a partner? If so, what's standing in your way? Finances? Living conditions? Health? Go deep in your contemplation to figure out if anything is holding you back from seeking a partner. If so, examine that.

You don't need to report all this to your friend, by the way. But this could be a wake-up call for you to evaluate your life and make a conscious decision about how to proceed regarding dating. Food for thought, eh?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has a teacher who is toxic with her speech. She never gives her students any positive affirmations when they answer questions correctly or when they express their dreams for their lives. I tell my children that if you dream big, you can do anything your heart desires. All I want is for my daughter's teacher to express the same feelings toward her students.

How can I address my displeasure with the performance of this teacher? -- Unhappy Mom, Salt Lake City

DEAR UNHAPPY MOM: Start by requesting a meeting with your daughter's teacher. Tell her that you are concerned about some of the things you have been told about how the class is functioning. Be careful not to place blame. You want to learn what her position is and not put her on the defensive. Also, as much as you trust your child, her interpretation of what's going on in the classroom may not be fully accurate.

So tell the teacher what you have heard and, more, what you want for your child. Ask if she would be willing to notice positive characteristics and behaviors in your daughter and point them out. Tell her that you are counting on her to motivate the students.

Can you get her to instill your values into your child? Maybe. If the school shares your values, you may be able to enlist support from the principal. But your particular approach to teaching values needs to remain your role. You cannot force the teacher to teach your lessons.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I totally disagree with your response to "Cold Feet" (whose former fiancee refused to accept any child-care responsibility for his three children).

As a divorced woman who has only one child because I practiced birth control since I was 16 years old, I certainly will NOT bear responsibility for the kids who have a living mother and father. I exercised judgment and discretion over the last 30 years, and I cannot burden my life with the responsibilities of those who chose not to do the same.

To say that my type of woman is not right for this kind of relationship is certainly true, but it does not make me a bad person or less worthy than a woman who is willing to step in.

We all are given the opportunity each day to make decisions that impact the present and the future. Just because I plan for my future every day does not make me (us) BAD WOMEN. It made me smart and willing to surround myself only with people who have done some planning of their own. -- Responsible, Washington, D.C.

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: I was not suggesting that you or women like you are bad. I was simply saying that if a woman (or man) chooses to marry someone who has or shares custody of children, it is implicit that he or she is signing up to participate in the parenting and care of those children. Indeed, I would hope that the stepparent would grow to love and nurture the children.

I don't think it's healthy for a couple to marry and for the stepparent to shrug off all child-rearing responsibility -- regardless of whether the other parent is living or dead.

Ultimately, it is best for care of the children to be shared by all adults -- parents and stepparents -- discussing and sharing values and parenting strategies. As you know, children are precious. They deserve the village that they should get through a stepparent relationship.

As far as your personal choices, you have been smart and clear about how you have lived your life, including the use of birth control. That is fantastic. Clearly, you have no intention of accepting responsibility for someone else's children. That's perfectly fine -- provided you do not partner with someone who has children. And you're right: Your position doesn't make you or anyone like you a bad person. It means you are responsible for your choices.