DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is trying to marry me off every chance he gets. I asked him why he was so concerned about my personal well-being. His response was, "You're a good guy, and I don't want to see you alone for the rest of your life."

I know he means well, but how do I tell my friend to slow down and quit trying to get me married? -- Not in a Rush, New York

DEAR NOT IN A RUSH: I've heard a lot of women with your complaint. Loved ones worry about the "good guys" and "good gals" who are single, often thinking it's unfair that they are alone. I'm sure your friend means well, but he has stepped into your business.

Be direct with him. Tell him that although you appreciate his concern and respect, you are comfortable as you are. If you choose to add more, you can explain that you are trying not to jump into anything before it feels right. You may have other reasons as well.

What's actually more important is for you to give clear thought to why you are single. Are you content with your choice? Do you want to find a partner? If so, what's standing in your way? Finances? Living conditions? Health? Go deep in your contemplation to figure out if anything is holding you back from seeking a partner. If so, examine that.

You don't need to report all this to your friend, by the way. But this could be a wake-up call for you to evaluate your life and make a conscious decision about how to proceed regarding dating. Food for thought, eh?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has a teacher who is toxic with her speech. She never gives her students any positive affirmations when they answer questions correctly or when they express their dreams for their lives. I tell my children that if you dream big, you can do anything your heart desires. All I want is for my daughter's teacher to express the same feelings toward her students.

How can I address my displeasure with the performance of this teacher? -- Unhappy Mom, Salt Lake City

DEAR UNHAPPY MOM: Start by requesting a meeting with your daughter's teacher. Tell her that you are concerned about some of the things you have been told about how the class is functioning. Be careful not to place blame. You want to learn what her position is and not put her on the defensive. Also, as much as you trust your child, her interpretation of what's going on in the classroom may not be fully accurate.

So tell the teacher what you have heard and, more, what you want for your child. Ask if she would be willing to notice positive characteristics and behaviors in your daughter and point them out. Tell her that you are counting on her to motivate the students.

Can you get her to instill your values into your child? Maybe. If the school shares your values, you may be able to enlist support from the principal. But your particular approach to teaching values needs to remain your role. You cannot force the teacher to teach your lessons.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I totally disagree with your response to "Cold Feet" (whose former fiancee refused to accept any child-care responsibility for his three children).

As a divorced woman who has only one child because I practiced birth control since I was 16 years old, I certainly will NOT bear responsibility for the kids who have a living mother and father. I exercised judgment and discretion over the last 30 years, and I cannot burden my life with the responsibilities of those who chose not to do the same.

To say that my type of woman is not right for this kind of relationship is certainly true, but it does not make me a bad person or less worthy than a woman who is willing to step in.

We all are given the opportunity each day to make decisions that impact the present and the future. Just because I plan for my future every day does not make me (us) BAD WOMEN. It made me smart and willing to surround myself only with people who have done some planning of their own. -- Responsible, Washington, D.C.

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: I was not suggesting that you or women like you are bad. I was simply saying that if a woman (or man) chooses to marry someone who has or shares custody of children, it is implicit that he or she is signing up to participate in the parenting and care of those children. Indeed, I would hope that the stepparent would grow to love and nurture the children.

I don't think it's healthy for a couple to marry and for the stepparent to shrug off all child-rearing responsibility -- regardless of whether the other parent is living or dead.

Ultimately, it is best for care of the children to be shared by all adults -- parents and stepparents -- discussing and sharing values and parenting strategies. As you know, children are precious. They deserve the village that they should get through a stepparent relationship.

As far as your personal choices, you have been smart and clear about how you have lived your life, including the use of birth control. That is fantastic. Clearly, you have no intention of accepting responsibility for someone else's children. That's perfectly fine -- provided you do not partner with someone who has children. And you're right: Your position doesn't make you or anyone like you a bad person. It means you are responsible for your choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After my mother died, my niece began to act out terribly. Last year she hardly went to school, although her mother and I didn't know. A truant officer came to the house, and it almost became a legal matter. My niece is repeating her grade this year because she failed everything last year. We are so worried about her. She's a teenager, and she is belligerent, headstrong and disrespectful. How can we support her so that she wakes up and sees how she is living her life? -- Worried Uncle, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED UNCLE: Your niece needs professional help to deal with her grief and to help guide her to healthy action. Suggest to your sister that she find a professional therapist who can help your niece open up about her life.

Your sister should inform her daughter's guidance counselor of her daughter's situation so that the counselor can track her progress. Your niece probably won't like being policed a bit, but she needs it until she develops healthy practices on her own.

You and your sister, as well as any other interested and involved adults, should support your niece by keep her engaged by helping with her homework and talking to her about her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old came home the other day telling me that she knew what sex was. She proceeded to tell me that it's a form of love and that it's how you make babies. Then we were watching the news and she heard the term "rape." She asked me what that was. I completely froze.

How do you explain such a thing to a child who is just learning the basics about sexuality? It is really confusing to me. -- At a Loss, Chicago

DEAR AT A LOSS: Though it seems very young, your daughter may be ready to learn the basics about sex and sexual violation. Unfortunately, children are sometimes victims of abuse as they also are becoming curious about their bodies.

In simple terms, you can explain to your daughter that babies are created when an egg and a sperm meet, and that the sperm lives in the man and the egg lives in the woman. Explain that the man typically delivers the sperm by putting his penis in the woman's vagina. Yes, you need to say it. And explain that it is an act of love for adults who are committed to each other. You probably will get a "yuck," but your daughter will remember.

As for rape, you need to explain that it is an act of violence and a crime when someone forces a person to commit the sex act. It is mean, painful and against all the rules. When it is rape, it is not an act of love.

There are many books that can support you, from religiously based texts to books reflecting different family makeups. Do some research to find the best book for you.