DEAR HARRIETTE: After my mother died, my niece began to act out terribly. Last year she hardly went to school, although her mother and I didn't know. A truant officer came to the house, and it almost became a legal matter. My niece is repeating her grade this year because she failed everything last year. We are so worried about her. She's a teenager, and she is belligerent, headstrong and disrespectful. How can we support her so that she wakes up and sees how she is living her life? -- Worried Uncle, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED UNCLE: Your niece needs professional help to deal with her grief and to help guide her to healthy action. Suggest to your sister that she find a professional therapist who can help your niece open up about her life.

Your sister should inform her daughter's guidance counselor of her daughter's situation so that the counselor can track her progress. Your niece probably won't like being policed a bit, but she needs it until she develops healthy practices on her own.

You and your sister, as well as any other interested and involved adults, should support your niece by keep her engaged by helping with her homework and talking to her about her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old came home the other day telling me that she knew what sex was. She proceeded to tell me that it's a form of love and that it's how you make babies. Then we were watching the news and she heard the term "rape." She asked me what that was. I completely froze.

How do you explain such a thing to a child who is just learning the basics about sexuality? It is really confusing to me. -- At a Loss, Chicago

DEAR AT A LOSS: Though it seems very young, your daughter may be ready to learn the basics about sex and sexual violation. Unfortunately, children are sometimes victims of abuse as they also are becoming curious about their bodies.

In simple terms, you can explain to your daughter that babies are created when an egg and a sperm meet, and that the sperm lives in the man and the egg lives in the woman. Explain that the man typically delivers the sperm by putting his penis in the woman's vagina. Yes, you need to say it. And explain that it is an act of love for adults who are committed to each other. You probably will get a "yuck," but your daughter will remember.

As for rape, you need to explain that it is an act of violence and a crime when someone forces a person to commit the sex act. It is mean, painful and against all the rules. When it is rape, it is not an act of love.

There are many books that can support you, from religiously based texts to books reflecting different family makeups. Do some research to find the best book for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is upset at me because I haven't accepted his friend request on Facebook. What's the big deal? I married the man, and we are friends in real life. I have nothing to hide from him. I just don't want to be his friend on Facebook. I don't want to have a cyberrelationship with him; I want to have a real relationship with him. I don't use Facebook that much anyway. Am I in the wrong for not accepting his request? -- Wife, Salt Lake City

DEAR WIFE: Not accepting your husband's Facebook request when you have accepted requests from other people sends a negative message to him. It says that you do not welcome him into a particular part of your life. While you may not think there is anything wrong with that, it makes sense that he would. His perspective is likely that if you welcome others, why would you not welcome him?

His perspective is valid. This doesn't mean that your husband should be involved in every aspect of your life. For example, he probably wouldn't expect to listen in while you are talking on the phone with your girlfriends. He probably doesn't want to go with you to the beauty salon. But Facebook is a different matter. It is a public forum where people go to connect with one another.

If you have nothing to hide, prove it by accepting your husband's Facebook request. Tell him that you treasure the one-on-one interaction that you and he share and that you don't want to have a cyberrelationship. He can enter your Facebook space, but make it clear to him that you don't intend to develop a relationship with him there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a unique style. I wear my hair kind of funky, and it's partly dyed pink. I also wear crazy colors of nail polish. It shows my fun side, I think.

Usually it's no big deal, but recently I have had a problem. I have been interviewing for a part-time job that can help tide me over while I'm finishing school. I'm beginning to think that my style is getting in my way. When I have gone to a few interviews, the people have been cordial but totally uninterested. They don't even really look at my resume. They just have a brief conversation with me and then release me.

I love my style, but I also need a job. How can I have both? -- Unemployed Cutie, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR UNEMPLOYED CUTIE: The choices you make in life affect the choices that others make. And, whether or not it should, the way you choose to look makes a difference.

The good news is that there are all kinds of jobs out there. Chances are you can find a place to work that will embrace your style, such as in the art world, in certain hospitality areas and in telephone marketing.

You also may want to evaluate whether it might be worth it to tone down your style for work. Consider your options and determine what is more important -- your wallet or your individuality.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling-out with my best friend. I was so angry with her that I stopped all communication. She hurt my feelings badly when I was already feeling bad about myself.

A year has passed, and I miss her. I reached out to her the other day and left a message. She hasn't called me back. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not sure how to proceed. What do you recommend? -- Lonely, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR LONELY: It sounds like you never talked about what happened between the two of you to cause the chasm. I think that to move forward, you are going to have to address it head on.

Reach out to your friend again via email and invite her to have lunch or tea or something with you. Tell her you want to talk. This way she knows that you are being serious and friendly at the same time. It will be her decision whether to respond; you cannot make her come back into your fold.

Revisit in your mind what happened between the two of you and decide if you can forgive her. If you can, it will be easier to talk about your friendship if the opportunity arises -- what damaged the friendship and how you two can move on with greater ease.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I produced an event and got a ton of support from generous people. One person who said he was sponsoring my event came back afterward and told me that I owed him a lot of money because more people attended than we had anticipated and he couldn't absorb all the costs. This was never our agreement. I don't have the money he is requesting. I also don't want him to feel that I somehow swindled him. I didn't. I honored our agreement. How can I handle this so it doesn't escalate? -- Stretched, Chicago

DEAR STRETCHED: Thank this person for his support of your event. Tell him that you will do your best to make sure that others know how much he contributed so that it will benefit his business in the future.

Remind him of the agreement that you two made -- an agreement that didn't include you paying for his goods or services. I trust that you have something in writing that outlines your agreement.

If he has a valid point -- that the event's attendance far exceeded the numbers that were stated when he signed on -- you may want to do your best to absorb some of the costs. He may honestly also be stretched in his effort to satisfy the needs of your event. An offer of help would be a sign of good will that may prove worthwhile, even if you have to make a plan to recoup some of his funding over time.