DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is upset at me because I haven't accepted his friend request on Facebook. What's the big deal? I married the man, and we are friends in real life. I have nothing to hide from him. I just don't want to be his friend on Facebook. I don't want to have a cyberrelationship with him; I want to have a real relationship with him. I don't use Facebook that much anyway. Am I in the wrong for not accepting his request? -- Wife, Salt Lake City

DEAR WIFE: Not accepting your husband's Facebook request when you have accepted requests from other people sends a negative message to him. It says that you do not welcome him into a particular part of your life. While you may not think there is anything wrong with that, it makes sense that he would. His perspective is likely that if you welcome others, why would you not welcome him?

His perspective is valid. This doesn't mean that your husband should be involved in every aspect of your life. For example, he probably wouldn't expect to listen in while you are talking on the phone with your girlfriends. He probably doesn't want to go with you to the beauty salon. But Facebook is a different matter. It is a public forum where people go to connect with one another.

If you have nothing to hide, prove it by accepting your husband's Facebook request. Tell him that you treasure the one-on-one interaction that you and he share and that you don't want to have a cyberrelationship. He can enter your Facebook space, but make it clear to him that you don't intend to develop a relationship with him there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a unique style. I wear my hair kind of funky, and it's partly dyed pink. I also wear crazy colors of nail polish. It shows my fun side, I think.

Usually it's no big deal, but recently I have had a problem. I have been interviewing for a part-time job that can help tide me over while I'm finishing school. I'm beginning to think that my style is getting in my way. When I have gone to a few interviews, the people have been cordial but totally uninterested. They don't even really look at my resume. They just have a brief conversation with me and then release me.

I love my style, but I also need a job. How can I have both? -- Unemployed Cutie, Silver Spring, Md.

DEAR UNEMPLOYED CUTIE: The choices you make in life affect the choices that others make. And, whether or not it should, the way you choose to look makes a difference.

The good news is that there are all kinds of jobs out there. Chances are you can find a place to work that will embrace your style, such as in the art world, in certain hospitality areas and in telephone marketing.

You also may want to evaluate whether it might be worth it to tone down your style for work. Consider your options and determine what is more important -- your wallet or your individuality.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling-out with my best friend. I was so angry with her that I stopped all communication. She hurt my feelings badly when I was already feeling bad about myself.

A year has passed, and I miss her. I reached out to her the other day and left a message. She hasn't called me back. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not sure how to proceed. What do you recommend? -- Lonely, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR LONELY: It sounds like you never talked about what happened between the two of you to cause the chasm. I think that to move forward, you are going to have to address it head on.

Reach out to your friend again via email and invite her to have lunch or tea or something with you. Tell her you want to talk. This way she knows that you are being serious and friendly at the same time. It will be her decision whether to respond; you cannot make her come back into your fold.

Revisit in your mind what happened between the two of you and decide if you can forgive her. If you can, it will be easier to talk about your friendship if the opportunity arises -- what damaged the friendship and how you two can move on with greater ease.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I produced an event and got a ton of support from generous people. One person who said he was sponsoring my event came back afterward and told me that I owed him a lot of money because more people attended than we had anticipated and he couldn't absorb all the costs. This was never our agreement. I don't have the money he is requesting. I also don't want him to feel that I somehow swindled him. I didn't. I honored our agreement. How can I handle this so it doesn't escalate? -- Stretched, Chicago

DEAR STRETCHED: Thank this person for his support of your event. Tell him that you will do your best to make sure that others know how much he contributed so that it will benefit his business in the future.

Remind him of the agreement that you two made -- an agreement that didn't include you paying for his goods or services. I trust that you have something in writing that outlines your agreement.

If he has a valid point -- that the event's attendance far exceeded the numbers that were stated when he signed on -- you may want to do your best to absorb some of the costs. He may honestly also be stretched in his effort to satisfy the needs of your event. An offer of help would be a sign of good will that may prove worthwhile, even if you have to make a plan to recoup some of his funding over time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother was laid off from his job about a year ago, but he really isn't talking about it. The other day I ran into one of his friends from back home. When the friend told me that he had tried to call my brother at his office and was told he didn't work there anymore, I slipped and admitted that he was out of work. I feel so bad, because I didn't want to expose my brother.

This guy says he wants to reach out to my brother because they were close years ago. I didn't know what to say. I didn't give him my brother's number. I took his. Should I give it to my brother and tell him what happened? I think he's going to be really mad at me. -- Exposed, Washington, D.C.

DEAR EXPOSED: I understand your desire to protect your brother's privacy, but don't beat yourself up so much. Your brother's childhood friend figured it out himself when he called your brother's former office and learned that he doesn't work there anymore. You could have been vague about your brother's current situation, but it's natural that you may have been unsure as to what you should say.

Your next step is to contact your brother. Check in to see how he's doing. Tell him what happened when you ran into his old friend. Make sure he knows that his friend wants to be in touch, and share his friend's number. The end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is invited to a birthday party, and the invitation says he should NOT bring a gift. My son is a little bit upset about that, because he's very close to the child and wants to give him something special. I'm wondering if it's OK to give the boy something small and inexpensive, or if doing so would be disrespectful of the parents' wishes. -- Giftless, Shreveport, La.

DEAR GIFTLESS: Call the boy's mother or father and explain your son's reaction. Ask if it would be all right to give the boy something. Perhaps your son could make a gift for the boy. That may be acceptable to the parents, because the sentiment is far more important than the act of buying something.

Many families are opting to do this these days, in part because children end up having way more things than they have time to play with. Toys, games and dolls sometimes pile up without the children truly valuing the items. This family may have taken this approach to teach their child to value shared experience more than stuff.

Another practice that is growing in popularity is having guests bring a gift that will go to charity rather than to the child. My daughter attended a party like that, and she was concerned about what the birthday girl would receive. The mom explained that her family would be giving her one very special gift, and not to worry.