DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother was laid off from his job about a year ago, but he really isn't talking about it. The other day I ran into one of his friends from back home. When the friend told me that he had tried to call my brother at his office and was told he didn't work there anymore, I slipped and admitted that he was out of work. I feel so bad, because I didn't want to expose my brother.

This guy says he wants to reach out to my brother because they were close years ago. I didn't know what to say. I didn't give him my brother's number. I took his. Should I give it to my brother and tell him what happened? I think he's going to be really mad at me. -- Exposed, Washington, D.C.

DEAR EXPOSED: I understand your desire to protect your brother's privacy, but don't beat yourself up so much. Your brother's childhood friend figured it out himself when he called your brother's former office and learned that he doesn't work there anymore. You could have been vague about your brother's current situation, but it's natural that you may have been unsure as to what you should say.

Your next step is to contact your brother. Check in to see how he's doing. Tell him what happened when you ran into his old friend. Make sure he knows that his friend wants to be in touch, and share his friend's number. The end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is invited to a birthday party, and the invitation says he should NOT bring a gift. My son is a little bit upset about that, because he's very close to the child and wants to give him something special. I'm wondering if it's OK to give the boy something small and inexpensive, or if doing so would be disrespectful of the parents' wishes. -- Giftless, Shreveport, La.

DEAR GIFTLESS: Call the boy's mother or father and explain your son's reaction. Ask if it would be all right to give the boy something. Perhaps your son could make a gift for the boy. That may be acceptable to the parents, because the sentiment is far more important than the act of buying something.

Many families are opting to do this these days, in part because children end up having way more things than they have time to play with. Toys, games and dolls sometimes pile up without the children truly valuing the items. This family may have taken this approach to teach their child to value shared experience more than stuff.

Another practice that is growing in popularity is having guests bring a gift that will go to charity rather than to the child. My daughter attended a party like that, and she was concerned about what the birthday girl would receive. The mom explained that her family would be giving her one very special gift, and not to worry.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After my twin girls started kindergarten, the school officials gave them a test to see if they could be skipped to the first grade. One of my daughters passed the test and was able to go to the first grade, while the other did not pass.

I would like to give a gift to the daughter who passed the test. What should I do? Do I give each girl a gift for trying her best? Or do I just reward one and not the other? -- Momma Drama, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR MOMMA DRAMA: I understand your desire to celebrate your daughter's success, but I recommend that you look at the situation differently.

Each girl has been put in her perfect grade, where she can learn best. Without giving gifts, you can honor each of them by having a special family dinner or other small gathering at which you acknowledge the right fit for each of them.

You don't want your daughters to be overly competitive with each other, or for the one who remains in kindergarten to feel that she has been left behind. Because they are twins, they are often together. Perhaps this will become their opportunity to go their individual ways, without one way being better than the other. Instead, each path is best suited for each girl.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-wife came to an event that I co-hosted recently, and with a man other than her husband of five years. I was shocked to see her, but even more alarmed to see her all hugged-up with another dude. I know she's still married. We have mutual friends who keep me abreast of certain things, even though she and I have been apart for years.

It was awkward. I wanted to ask her who the dude was, but it's not really my business, so I left it alone. It's eating at me, though.

I know that when she broke up with me, she had already started hanging out with another dude. Now she comes up in my space flaunting this new one. My stomach hurts. Should I try to find her husband and school him on this? -- Uncomfortable Observer, Los Angeles

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE OBSERVER: As tempting as it may be to get in the middle of your ex's mess, resist the temptation! This is none of your business. It is strange, though.

I'm sure you have already asked yourself why she chose to come to your event in the first place, and with a man to whom she isn't married. Could it be that she is trying to get you all worked up? If so, don't buy into it.

Clearly, you two got divorced years ago for a reason. Let that reason stick, and chalk this experience up to being odd. Don't fuel the flames by reporting back to your friends about what you saw. Drop it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Three of my close friends and I were invited to a mutual friend's party. I made the assumption that our fourth close friend was also invited since we all know each other well. I was wrong. Because of my assumption, I casually asked this friend what she was wearing to the party, as we always do before we are getting ready for an event. She didn't know what I was talking about. The more I explained myself, the worse it got. I quickly figured out that I had made a mess of things.

I know the hostess doesn't have to invite anybody she doesn't want to invite. I made an honest mistake, but now our friend is feeling left out. What can I do to fix it? -- Party Pooper, Racine, Wis.

DEAR PARTY POOPER: You did make an honest mistake, one that I hope will teach you not to talk with others about outside events unless you are sure they've been invited.

It is not unusual for a host not to invite every single friend in a group to an event. I wonder if friend No. 4 was singled out and not invited for a reason. Perhaps there is an issue between her and the hostess of which you are unaware. Or your friend just may not have made the guest list. Or it could have been an oversight.

Rather than digging an even deeper hole, stop. Apologize for putting your foot in your mouth. Tell your friend you are sorry that you made things awkward. Don't create a long and drawn-out scenario by evaluating the situation with your friend.

You may want to tell the hostess that you told your other friend. Then if it comes up, she won't be blindsided.

To party givers I will say that it is important to think about who is on your guest list. If you invite a group of friends, be sure to include all the key members. Leaving out one member of a group usually leads to discomfort -- the opposite feeling you want to evoke as you prepare for your celebration.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother came to visit to help me with a project I was working on. We had a great time together, but she also was supercritical of the way I live. It's fair to say that I am not the neatest person, and she let me have it. I didn't want to hear it, and I was pretty short with her when she made her comments. Should I apologize? -- Embarrassed, Washington, D.C.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Mothers are often right. Absolutely apologize if you were rude to her. Admit that you know you need to clean up your act. If you have the courage to do so, ask your mother for suggestions on how to approach your mess. She may be able to provide some insight. Beyond that, get organizational support if you can afford it. Strategic help may be the answer to your problem.