DEAR HARRIETTE: After my twin girls started kindergarten, the school officials gave them a test to see if they could be skipped to the first grade. One of my daughters passed the test and was able to go to the first grade, while the other did not pass.
I would like to give a gift to the daughter who passed the test. What should I do? Do I give each girl a gift for trying her best? Or do I just reward one and not the other? -- Momma Drama, Memphis, Tenn.
DEAR MOMMA DRAMA: I understand your desire to celebrate your daughter's success, but I recommend that you look at the situation differently.
Each girl has been put in her perfect grade, where she can learn best. Without giving gifts, you can honor each of them by having a special family dinner or other small gathering at which you acknowledge the right fit for each of them.
You don't want your daughters to be overly competitive with each other, or for the one who remains in kindergarten to feel that she has been left behind. Because they are twins, they are often together. Perhaps this will become their opportunity to go their individual ways, without one way being better than the other. Instead, each path is best suited for each girl.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-wife came to an event that I co-hosted recently, and with a man other than her husband of five years. I was shocked to see her, but even more alarmed to see her all hugged-up with another dude. I know she's still married. We have mutual friends who keep me abreast of certain things, even though she and I have been apart for years.
It was awkward. I wanted to ask her who the dude was, but it's not really my business, so I left it alone. It's eating at me, though.
I know that when she broke up with me, she had already started hanging out with another dude. Now she comes up in my space flaunting this new one. My stomach hurts. Should I try to find her husband and school him on this? -- Uncomfortable Observer, Los Angeles
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE OBSERVER: As tempting as it may be to get in the middle of your ex's mess, resist the temptation! This is none of your business. It is strange, though.
I'm sure you have already asked yourself why she chose to come to your event in the first place, and with a man to whom she isn't married. Could it be that she is trying to get you all worked up? If so, don't buy into it.
Clearly, you two got divorced years ago for a reason. Let that reason stick, and chalk this experience up to being odd. Don't fuel the flames by reporting back to your friends about what you saw. Drop it.