DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend from many years ago has stayed close to me all this time. I recently invited him to an event I was having, and he happily came. If I tell the truth, I know I still care a lot for him, but it never worked out for us to be a couple. Since he has remained supportive and stays in my life in a nice way, I am happy.

I'm not happy, though, about what happened at my event. At a certain point, he met a family member who just came back into my life. He asked her to go out with him on a date. When she told me about it, I was devastated. Even though he isn't dating me, I can't imagine that he would think it's cool to date my cousin. How can I handle this? -- Sad, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SAD: It sounds like you haven't gotten over your feelings for this man. This could be because you keep him in your life. It could be because he chooses to stay and toy with your emotions -- consciously or otherwise.

As for the question of whether someone should be able to date an ex's relative or good friend, there are many opinions. Since it's likely in your case that he knew this would hurt your feelings, his actions are either unconscious or uncaring.

Tell your ex-boyfriend that you want him to draw the line for his relationships outside of your sphere of loved ones. And tell yourself it's time to let go of those lingering emotions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a large question in my mind regarding "Brokenhearted" and her lunch with the ex-boyfriend. He is an EX-boyfriend, so they no longer have a relationship. So what was he really up to by inviting her to lunch to meet his fiancee? Was his purpose to rub it in her face, or was he requesting his ex-girlfriend's approval? Give me a break already. He was rubbing it in her face!

I've been on the planet for nearly 75 years, and I've never, ever heard of a situation like the one described by "Brokenhearted." Perhaps his goal was to make his fiancee jealous. This guy sounds like a loser, and "Brokenhearted" should forget about him and look for a new relationship. I suspect he will be looking, too, as the fiancee must already wonder what the purpose of the luncheon was! --Unconvinced, Chicago

DEAR UNCONVINCED: Thank you for sharing your wisdom regarding this situation. It may be rare for someone to innocently seek a former partner's approval of a new partner. Given that in this situation the two hadn't broken up long before the man had a new fiancee, you are likely right.

I want to add, though, that I have heard many stories of exes who become friends and some who -- usually years later -- ask for their exes' approval of their new partners. Perhaps in some of these scenarios they ask because they think their ex has a much better understanding of whether someone would make a good partner for them. Selfish, yes.

But even in those situations, unresolved feelings are often lurking. I'm not sure that innocence exists in these kinds of triangulations.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The "Maturing Too Fast" mom (whose husband wanted their daughter to cut ties with a 9-year-old friend who had started her period) is on the right track. Please use this as an opportunity to discuss the subject with your daughter!

For a variety of reasons, girls seem to be entering puberty sooner, and the better prepared the daughter is, the less traumatic it may be. Not allowing her to associate with her friend anymore is just strange! Where is this dad coming from?

Unfortunately, I had parents who were incredibly uncomfortable with the subject -- I never had "the talk" from them. I knew basically nothing about sex or sexual maturity until I was rudely and horribly awakened to it when I started being abused at age 9 by a trusted person. I had no clue what was going on, only that I thought it was probably wrong.

After three years, I was finally able to tell someone, and in the meantime, my older sister, not my mom, had explained menstruation to me. Had one of them figured it out, or had I felt like I could talk with my parents about "those things," they may have realized what those first instances of spotting actually were -- signs of abuse. Not that I am suggesting it in this case ... I am only strongly urging this mom and dad, and others, to talk to your kids! The more you talk with them now, the more likely they are to come to you with their problems in the future. And notice I said "talking," not lecturing or berating.

I struggled to talk with my daughters about this. I used books, online help and all the resources I could find to help make it easier. Not talking about things with your kids doesn't make the subject go away. It only makes them more likely to not include you in the loop of their life. -- Survivor, Salt Lake City

DEAR SURVIVOR: Parents should talk to their children about their developing bodies, about boundaries, and about appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Creating dialogue when children are young helps them feel confident about talking to parents about anything as they mature.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There are far better ways to prepare young girls for getting a period than a five-minute talk (the norm under managed care) by a pediatrician! That "talk" is not a one-time-only discussion, nor should it be solely limited to bodily functions. It should involve values and advice about a girl's body, and can allow even woman-to-woman humor.

My granddaughters loved American Girl dolls, and my daughter-in-law found an American Girl book, "The Care & Keeping of You." It's written for 8- to 9-year-old girls. My oldest granddaughter got her period at age 9, so I was glad she'd been prepared this way.

The point is not to hand a girl such a book and walk away, but to use it to open up discussion and allow questions. "Maturing Too Fast" should start by having her reluctant husband read the book to bring him into the 21st century! He should know that his daughter already knows girls at school who have their periods. She needs two parents who can deal with it helpfully, as adults. -- Prepared, Chicago

DEAR PREPARED: Using a book as a tool to engage in meaningful dialogue is smart.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was walking down the street and noticed that many groups of people -- three and four deep -- didn't move out of the way at all. If I hadn't moved, they would have run right into me.

I was so disturbed by this. The sidewalk is not meant for one group of people versus another. I was always taught that if you are walking in a group or even by yourself, you pay attention so there's room for everybody. People are so rude these days. Part of me wanted to keep walking and bang into them. Shy of that, what else could I have done? -- Ruffled, Harlem, N.Y.

DEAR RUFFLED: I'm sorry to say that I know exactly what you are talking about. I have witnessed it many times.

I think people have become oblivious to others in many circumstances. Being self-absorbed can cause all manner of uncomfortable situations when people are walking, including the straight-up rudeness you experienced.

What can you do? Upon approaching such a group, you could say in a loud voice, "Excuse me!" That could be an alarm for the others to move over a bit. You could even say, "I need a little room, please." But the truth is that people who aren't paying attention or who feel entitled to take up the whole sidewalk may remain unaware of you.

As tempting as it may be to bump into others who are taking up room, I do not recommend it. I witnessed such an incident the other day. Two men were walking on a crowded street and didn't make space for another man who was walking toward them. Instead, they bumped into him. He dropped his bag, doubled back and started a fight.

Readers, take a moment and ask yourself if you have ever been at fault in a situation like this. If so, pay closer attention to your surroundings. And make the conscious choice to share space with others rather than presuming that the sidewalk belongs to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a party and ran into a woman who had on the exact same dress as me. I was mortified. Worse still, she wanted to hang out with me all night and take pictures. No way. I'm not a fashionista or anything, but I do like to have my own style.

Was I wrong to not want to hang with her? She's not my friend or anything. She was a guest at the event just like I was. -- Body Double, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BODY DOUBLE: I would be uncomfortable if I ran into someone dressed identically to me at a party, and I certainly wouldn't want to become her instant twin as a result. You were perfectly right to want to move on. It could be that the twinning was her way of dealing with an awkward situation.

Your choice to enjoy the party without her was a perfectly fine option as well. (I'm glad you didn't go home and change. It's better to keep it moving and have a good time.)