DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a relationship for a year now, and at one point was engaged to my girlfriend. The engagement ended, and I moved out. We still see each other, but there is one big issue that tore us apart: my kids.

I have three kids from a previous marriage, and they are truly good kids. I work midnight shifts and have a 50/50 arrangement with my ex on the kids. My 16-year-old has helped me a ton with watching my 11-year-old and 7-year-old. When the kids are in school, it usually works out that they are home by themselves only when they are asleep. However, when they're not in school or on the weekends, they are home with me while I sleep during the day after working all night.

My girlfriend, who was going to be my kids' stepmom, told me it is not her responsibility to watch or have the kids when I am asleep or at work. She is adamant about the kids being with their mom and not her. It really feels as though she doesn't want to establish any connection with the kids.

Is it wrong of me to expect her to help with the kids if she is in a stepmom position? -- Cold Feet, Racine, Wis.

DEAR COLD FEET: When you have children and you want to enter into a new relationship and possibly marriage, it is imperative that your partner not only wants to build a relationship with your children but actively works at it. The reality is that anyone who enters into a pre-existing family has to be willing to be a part of the whole family.

I'm glad to know that you are choosing your children first. This woman doesn't sound like a healthy match for you. You and your children are a package deal. If she doesn't like the package, she's not the one for you. Sorry.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Telemarketers can be annoying and have a frustratingly uncanny knack for always calling at the family times that are the most disruptive. The best way to deal with them is not to deal with them at all!

I agree with you that we must always try to be parent-citizen role models of civility and respect in communications, even in fielding telemarketing calls. (After all, they're just doing their jobs.) But I suggest to you and your readers a much better alternative: Go to the National Do Not Call Registry (managed by the U.S. Federal Trade Commission) at www.donotcall.gov (888-382-1222) and register to opt-out your home and mobile telephone numbers. It takes a little time before calls begin to ebb, but it works. Then be sure to update the registry to stay off the telemarketers' lists AND enjoy your family dinners in peace! -- Savvy, Wilmette, Ill.

DEAR SAVVY: Thanks for this tip. I would like to add, on behalf of many readers who wrote in, that hanging up on telemarketers doesn't actually work. When you speak to someone, be sure to tell the person to take you off his or her list. That can help as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding your column on the lost Nook: I have a method for finding lost items that is very successful. I would go so far as to say that if the lost item has not actually been stolen, this method works 100 percent of the time!

Step 1: Think carefully about where you might put the item if you were putting it away today. Gently jog your memory about the times you remember seeing or handling the item. Don't think only about where it should be (even though you will thoroughly check there), but also about where it could be.

It is very helpful to think about this calmly when you are in bed and relaxed, either falling asleep, waking up or temporarily awakened in the middle of the night. Let your brain take you to the possible answers by thinking about the item itself. A thought may automatically enter your mind without effort, such as, "Oh, yeah! I put it with my old textbooks!" Or, "It's in my winter coat pocket!" Or, "With my summer clothes!" Etc.

Step 2: Go and look in those places. Pick up and examine EACH thing in and around the area. Could your item have fallen behind something? Is it inside something? In between something? Under something? Look at each piece of paper. Don't just look inside bags of things; take each thing out and look inside the empty bag. Do NOT rush. Do this all slowly.

If you don't find your item, go and look in those SAME PLACES AGAIN, only better.

If you still don't find it, go and look in those SAME PLACES AGAIN, only better.

If you still don't find it, go look in those SAME PLACES AGAIN, only better.

You get the idea.

Continue this until you find the item, because YOU WILL FIND IT! This works every time!

I can't tell you how many times I have found something in a place where I had looked many, many times already -- usually one of the first and most obvious places. From experience, I now tell myself that the item is there, I just didn't look well enough. And I am right!

Hope this helps! -- Same Place, Only Better, River Forest, Ill.

DEAR SAME PLACE, ONLY BETTER: What a great method you use. The spirit of it comes alive through the practice of patience and trust. I would venture to say that if the item was not stolen or lost outside of one's sphere of control, your method will work. I'm going to try it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you hear one of your friends tell a bald-faced lie about something that happened in the recent past? I was at a party with a group of friends, and one of my best buddies proceeded to tell a long story about something that made him look like a hero. He was simply lying. It wasn't even an embellishment.

He went on and on with this story. I stood there looking at him, in shock. I couldn't believe my ears. I started to say something, but I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to out my friend so completely, and there was no way to act like he was saying something right. Instead, I walked away.

I have avoided this guy ever since. I'm not sure how to handle this. I have lost a lot of respect for him. Do I never talk to him again, or confront him? -- Beyond Hyperbole, Seattle

DEAR BEYOND HYPERBOLE: I'm sorry you didn't have the awareness to say something in the moment. You could have laughed and said, "Come on, dude. When did you make that story up?" or something similar. That would have outed him, but with humor, allowing him to back away from his story with the least discomfort.

Since you didn't say anything, know that it's not too late. Don't just dump your friend. There's a good chance he won't know why you have disappeared, and no lesson will be learned.

Tell your friend you want to get together. When face-to-face, ask him what he was thinking when he told that story. Point out that you know he was lying. Point out the truth, whatever it is. Tell him that you do not appreciate what he said and would like for him to rescind his statement and set the record straight with your other friends. Make it clear that you do not see him in the same light, given how easily and summarily he lied about the subject.

From there, observe what happens. If he continues to live that lie and/or he perpetuates others, you may choose to part ways with him and tell your friends the truth. Don't do that until you have given him a chance to explain himself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend's husband lost his job last week after his company was bought out by another company. She knew this was coming, but still it has hit them hard. He is over 60 and pretty certain that he won't find another job. He plans to retire. That leaves her to pay for everything. She is worried about how she is going to make ends meet. She is consulting a financial adviser, but as a friend, I want to know how to console her. -- Supportive Friend, Richmond, Va.

DEAR SUPPORTIVE FRIEND: Be a loving ear for your friend. Support her emotionally. Listen to her. Allow her to vent, cry, scream or be silent. But don't give advice if you don't know what you are talking about.