DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding your column on the lost Nook: I have a method for finding lost items that is very successful. I would go so far as to say that if the lost item has not actually been stolen, this method works 100 percent of the time!

Step 1: Think carefully about where you might put the item if you were putting it away today. Gently jog your memory about the times you remember seeing or handling the item. Don't think only about where it should be (even though you will thoroughly check there), but also about where it could be.

It is very helpful to think about this calmly when you are in bed and relaxed, either falling asleep, waking up or temporarily awakened in the middle of the night. Let your brain take you to the possible answers by thinking about the item itself. A thought may automatically enter your mind without effort, such as, "Oh, yeah! I put it with my old textbooks!" Or, "It's in my winter coat pocket!" Or, "With my summer clothes!" Etc.

Step 2: Go and look in those places. Pick up and examine EACH thing in and around the area. Could your item have fallen behind something? Is it inside something? In between something? Under something? Look at each piece of paper. Don't just look inside bags of things; take each thing out and look inside the empty bag. Do NOT rush. Do this all slowly.

If you don't find your item, go and look in those SAME PLACES AGAIN, only better.

If you still don't find it, go and look in those SAME PLACES AGAIN, only better.

If you still don't find it, go look in those SAME PLACES AGAIN, only better.

You get the idea.

Continue this until you find the item, because YOU WILL FIND IT! This works every time!

I can't tell you how many times I have found something in a place where I had looked many, many times already -- usually one of the first and most obvious places. From experience, I now tell myself that the item is there, I just didn't look well enough. And I am right!

Hope this helps! -- Same Place, Only Better, River Forest, Ill.

DEAR SAME PLACE, ONLY BETTER: What a great method you use. The spirit of it comes alive through the practice of patience and trust. I would venture to say that if the item was not stolen or lost outside of one's sphere of control, your method will work. I'm going to try it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you hear one of your friends tell a bald-faced lie about something that happened in the recent past? I was at a party with a group of friends, and one of my best buddies proceeded to tell a long story about something that made him look like a hero. He was simply lying. It wasn't even an embellishment.

He went on and on with this story. I stood there looking at him, in shock. I couldn't believe my ears. I started to say something, but I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to out my friend so completely, and there was no way to act like he was saying something right. Instead, I walked away.

I have avoided this guy ever since. I'm not sure how to handle this. I have lost a lot of respect for him. Do I never talk to him again, or confront him? -- Beyond Hyperbole, Seattle

DEAR BEYOND HYPERBOLE: I'm sorry you didn't have the awareness to say something in the moment. You could have laughed and said, "Come on, dude. When did you make that story up?" or something similar. That would have outed him, but with humor, allowing him to back away from his story with the least discomfort.

Since you didn't say anything, know that it's not too late. Don't just dump your friend. There's a good chance he won't know why you have disappeared, and no lesson will be learned.

Tell your friend you want to get together. When face-to-face, ask him what he was thinking when he told that story. Point out that you know he was lying. Point out the truth, whatever it is. Tell him that you do not appreciate what he said and would like for him to rescind his statement and set the record straight with your other friends. Make it clear that you do not see him in the same light, given how easily and summarily he lied about the subject.

From there, observe what happens. If he continues to live that lie and/or he perpetuates others, you may choose to part ways with him and tell your friends the truth. Don't do that until you have given him a chance to explain himself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend's husband lost his job last week after his company was bought out by another company. She knew this was coming, but still it has hit them hard. He is over 60 and pretty certain that he won't find another job. He plans to retire. That leaves her to pay for everything. She is worried about how she is going to make ends meet. She is consulting a financial adviser, but as a friend, I want to know how to console her. -- Supportive Friend, Richmond, Va.

DEAR SUPPORTIVE FRIEND: Be a loving ear for your friend. Support her emotionally. Listen to her. Allow her to vent, cry, scream or be silent. But don't give advice if you don't know what you are talking about.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There's an issue of trust, or perhaps control, in the relationship I have with my wife. She often says she can't tell me something about friends, family or work because I will tell others. I understand keeping confidences, but what's frustrating is when she hangs out teasers about things that everyone knows or that are irrelevant.

What really bothers me is that she once told me about abuse she experienced as a child. I've told absolutely no one. She was able to unload this, and I've kept silent. At every holiday, I treat her brothers the same as I treat everyone else, even though I'd like to do otherwise. I've never betrayed her trust on that or any other issue. Plus, I have friends in positions of influence who rely on me for counsel. They wouldn't trust me if I were loose-lipped.

I used to ask if she had any idea how her actions made me feel, and she said she didn't care; I should be a man and grow up. I'm tired of this. If I'm not trustworthy, why would she have married me? Why would she stay married to me? -- Venting, Chicago

DEAR VENTING: As a victim of abuse -- seemingly by family members, based on your letter -- it sounds like your wife has serious issues with violations of trust. It's likely that her extreme concern about your ability to keep a secret has less to do with you than it has to do with her unresolved trauma.

Rather than pressing her about why she won't confide in you, invite her to go to counseling with you. Tell her that you feel the two of you are having communication challenges and that you want to strengthen your relationship. Tell her that many couples go to marriage counseling, which can be a useful tool for learning how to handle conflicts that arise. If she balks and says she doesn't need to go, ask her to do it for the benefit of your marriage.

Ultimately, if you do go to counseling, you may discover ways to better trust one another, and she may be able to unpack what's under the surface of her emotions that's making it difficult for her to confide in you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I make considerably more money than my siblings and have for many years. I have been generous with them and their children, in particular on holidays and birthdays. On occasion, one of them will ask for a loan if he or she is struggling.

The latest is a bigger challenge for me. My brother asked if I could pay his mortgage for the rest of the year because he is having a hard time financially. I'm wary of taking over his mortgage for an extended time. I don't want to set that precedent. I do want to be a good brother, though. How can I handle this? -- Benefactor Brother, Racine, Wis.

DEAR BENEFACTOR BROTHER: Give your brother a lump sum and tell him you are happy to help him with that amount. You may also want to talk to him about his finances. Perhaps your advice on how to manage money could be even more valuable than an occasional gift.