DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you hear one of your friends tell a bald-faced lie about something that happened in the recent past? I was at a party with a group of friends, and one of my best buddies proceeded to tell a long story about something that made him look like a hero. He was simply lying. It wasn't even an embellishment.

He went on and on with this story. I stood there looking at him, in shock. I couldn't believe my ears. I started to say something, but I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to out my friend so completely, and there was no way to act like he was saying something right. Instead, I walked away.

I have avoided this guy ever since. I'm not sure how to handle this. I have lost a lot of respect for him. Do I never talk to him again, or confront him? -- Beyond Hyperbole, Seattle

DEAR BEYOND HYPERBOLE: I'm sorry you didn't have the awareness to say something in the moment. You could have laughed and said, "Come on, dude. When did you make that story up?" or something similar. That would have outed him, but with humor, allowing him to back away from his story with the least discomfort.

Since you didn't say anything, know that it's not too late. Don't just dump your friend. There's a good chance he won't know why you have disappeared, and no lesson will be learned.

Tell your friend you want to get together. When face-to-face, ask him what he was thinking when he told that story. Point out that you know he was lying. Point out the truth, whatever it is. Tell him that you do not appreciate what he said and would like for him to rescind his statement and set the record straight with your other friends. Make it clear that you do not see him in the same light, given how easily and summarily he lied about the subject.

From there, observe what happens. If he continues to live that lie and/or he perpetuates others, you may choose to part ways with him and tell your friends the truth. Don't do that until you have given him a chance to explain himself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend's husband lost his job last week after his company was bought out by another company. She knew this was coming, but still it has hit them hard. He is over 60 and pretty certain that he won't find another job. He plans to retire. That leaves her to pay for everything. She is worried about how she is going to make ends meet. She is consulting a financial adviser, but as a friend, I want to know how to console her. -- Supportive Friend, Richmond, Va.

DEAR SUPPORTIVE FRIEND: Be a loving ear for your friend. Support her emotionally. Listen to her. Allow her to vent, cry, scream or be silent. But don't give advice if you don't know what you are talking about.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There's an issue of trust, or perhaps control, in the relationship I have with my wife. She often says she can't tell me something about friends, family or work because I will tell others. I understand keeping confidences, but what's frustrating is when she hangs out teasers about things that everyone knows or that are irrelevant.

What really bothers me is that she once told me about abuse she experienced as a child. I've told absolutely no one. She was able to unload this, and I've kept silent. At every holiday, I treat her brothers the same as I treat everyone else, even though I'd like to do otherwise. I've never betrayed her trust on that or any other issue. Plus, I have friends in positions of influence who rely on me for counsel. They wouldn't trust me if I were loose-lipped.

I used to ask if she had any idea how her actions made me feel, and she said she didn't care; I should be a man and grow up. I'm tired of this. If I'm not trustworthy, why would she have married me? Why would she stay married to me? -- Venting, Chicago

DEAR VENTING: As a victim of abuse -- seemingly by family members, based on your letter -- it sounds like your wife has serious issues with violations of trust. It's likely that her extreme concern about your ability to keep a secret has less to do with you than it has to do with her unresolved trauma.

Rather than pressing her about why she won't confide in you, invite her to go to counseling with you. Tell her that you feel the two of you are having communication challenges and that you want to strengthen your relationship. Tell her that many couples go to marriage counseling, which can be a useful tool for learning how to handle conflicts that arise. If she balks and says she doesn't need to go, ask her to do it for the benefit of your marriage.

Ultimately, if you do go to counseling, you may discover ways to better trust one another, and she may be able to unpack what's under the surface of her emotions that's making it difficult for her to confide in you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I make considerably more money than my siblings and have for many years. I have been generous with them and their children, in particular on holidays and birthdays. On occasion, one of them will ask for a loan if he or she is struggling.

The latest is a bigger challenge for me. My brother asked if I could pay his mortgage for the rest of the year because he is having a hard time financially. I'm wary of taking over his mortgage for an extended time. I don't want to set that precedent. I do want to be a good brother, though. How can I handle this? -- Benefactor Brother, Racine, Wis.

DEAR BENEFACTOR BROTHER: Give your brother a lump sum and tell him you are happy to help him with that amount. You may also want to talk to him about his finances. Perhaps your advice on how to manage money could be even more valuable than an occasional gift.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This will be my senior year in college, and I have decided to quit my job as a resident assistant. As a result, I will be giving up my single dorm room and will now have a roommate!

How do I make the transition from having my own space to sharing a small space with a stranger? -- Two Is a Crowd, Salt Lake City

DEAR TWO IS A CROWD: I want you to think back on your years as a resident assistant. What did you learn about the roommate experience that can benefit you now? I'm sure you witnessed all kinds of interaction between roommates and floor mates. In your role, you likely also intervened to support students when they faced interpersonal challenges. All of that experience can help to guide you now.

Having a roommate can be daunting. But it also can be a rewarding experience. Many people remain close to their college roommates for life. Choose the mindset that you will have a positive experience. You will learn how to share, be patient and support this other person.

Remember that this is short-term; you have one year to live with this person. I would look at it also as good practice. Many college graduates have roommates for a few years before they get married or increase their salaries enough to live on their own. This experience may help you tremendously as you transition into adulthood.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you think of parents who send their daughter off to her freshman year of college with the statement: "Don't call us; we'll call you. We need time to get used to you being gone." They then did not call for a month. -- Wondering, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WONDERING: I think the parents' approach to their daughter's departure is odd. At the same time, I have learned that one of the oddest times in a family's life is when the children go away to school. Family members often face all kinds of attachment issues. The ways in which parents and children address the dramatic changes that occur when a grown child moves on vary widely.

What these parents said and did may seem harsh. Perhaps they were trying to use tough love to ensure that their daughter would hunker down and get involved in campus life and not use them as a crutch. Still, if their behavior hurt their daughter's feelings or made her feel uncomfortable, by all means, she should tell them.

Young adults should let their parents know what they want their relationship to be like. If they want to talk once a week or more, spell it out. If they simply want an open-door relationship where they can connect with parents whenever they feel the need, they should say as much. Young adults need to negotiate the terms of their evolving relationship.