DEAR HARRIETTE: I did a friend a favor and hired her son to do a little extra work for me, and I'm really disappointed in his performance. He agreed to do the work but has been dragging his feet. He doesn't respond to my emails in a timely manner. Generally, he seems really lax about it all. I feel like an idiot. I didn't have to hire him. He needs extra money, so I thought I was doing him and his mom a favor.

I don't want to pay him now for work that he has hardly done. How do I handle this? -- Burned, Chicago

DEAR BURNED: Step back into your professional posture. How would you address this with any other employee? That's the way to approach him.

First, go directly to the young man and ask him for a status report on the project. Find out what he has accomplished and what is outstanding. Ask if he wants to continue with this project. If so, give him specific guidelines for how you expect him to complete the work at hand, including timelines.

If you do not believe he is capable of or interested in completing the work to your satisfaction, terminate his services. Pay him for what he has completed, not for the whole project. Also, call his mother and explain the situation so that she fully understands why you have taken this position. You will be doing him no favors to accommodate his bad performance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A long-lost relative just showed up in my town. I have never known her very well, but she called and was so excited to be in touch. I know she is my cousin, but I feel weird about getting together since it has been years since we last saw each other.

How can I make a potentially awkward situation more comfortable? She, by the way, seems perfectly at ease and even happy about us getting together. I feel bad that I haven't kept in touch with her. -- Feeling Awkward, Seattle

DEAR FEELING AWKWARD: Take your cue from your cousin. She's not looking backward. She's excited to see you now.

Allow her positive energy to be contagious. Make a plan to get together for lunch or dinner. Be open to learning about each other and about how your lives have evolved over the years. Assume the positive, namely, that you two are destined to get to know each other better since you are now in the same town.

This could be your chance to gain a cousin. Just as some friends can become close after years of not being in touch, so can family members become significant in your life when the moment is right. Trust that this is possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got into a huge argument with my father-in-law about the presidential election. We are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, which is fine by me. But he refuses to have a reasonable conversation about any of the topics that have been coming up in the news. If his candidate says something, it's true in his mind, no matter what. I don't necessarily feel that way. I want to talk about the issues, and I want to understand his side.

How can I make it clear that I want to have a lively debate with him rather than a contentious argument? -- Political, Washington, D.C.

DEAR POLITICAL: It is good to have healthy discussions about something as important as the presidential election. I wish more Americans would pay attention to the political issues that are being discussed and be willing to share their informed views.

The reality, however, is that even for people who are paying attention, it can be difficult to have productive conversations with others who have different views. Just watch the pundits and politicians on TV. They stick to the party line, often regardless of what is being said or asked of them.

There is a small chance that your father-in-law may soften and discuss politics with you, but don't count on it. If you go back to him and get only fury rather than a volley of ideas, stop. You may want to find others who are willing to talk with you and debate views.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor's daughter just got her period, and she's only 9 years old. Everybody in her family was shocked, and so were we. We have an 8-year-old daughter who doesn't even know what a period is.

My husband suggested that we not let our daughter hang out with the neighbor girl anymore, because he doesn't want our daughter to lose her innocence yet. His idea was that if the two of them aren't around each other, our daughter doesn't have to deal with this grown-up subject.

I disagree. I think the little girl would be devastated to be abandoned by her friend immediately after this dramatic shift occurred in her body. Also, I think this is a time to introduce the subject to our daughter and explain it to her.

I don't want to go against my husband. How should I handle this? -- Maturing Too Fast, Chicago

DEAR MATURING TOO FAST: I agree that you don't want to abandon your neighbor at such a pivotal time. Also, you cannot shield your daughter from the realities of growing up, no matter how hard you try.

Suggest to your husband that you teach your daughter about the changes that naturally occur in a girl's body instead of having her learn from another source.

Contact your pediatrician and ask for suggestions on how to address this topic. This may include taking your daughter for a regular visit and having the doctor assist you in talking about how the body grows and transforms.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going to visit a family for the weekend. Every time we go there, we take a little gift, usually cookies that my kids and I make. It occurred to me that the family may not like this gift, because even if we are there for three or four days, they never serve the cookies. I know that people aren't obligated to immediately or ever use a houseguest's gift, but I suspect that cookies are not a popular choice.

What do you recommend that we take? I have three young children who like to do crafts, so we could make something else. -- Giftable Guest, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR GIFTABLE GUEST: I like the idea of mixing up the gift ideas, especially if you didn't get raves about your past choice. Ask your children for ideas. What do they like to make these days?

I recommend that you and your kids think of small-scale gifts. As you might imagine, your hosts may not want a wall-size clock or other big craft. Instead, it may be better to make soap, a candle or a drawing that reflects the good times you have had in the past or plan to have in the future. If your children have collected rocks, shells or other items during the summer, they may want to make a collage.

The point of the gift is to show that you care about your host. It doesn't need to be something that they feel obligated to display in their home. More, it should be something that brings a smile to their faces.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You forgot to add one important bit of advice to "Can't Breathe" (whose aunt dropped off her cat without notice, even though she is allergic to felines): Take the cat to a vet and board it! She should include the boarding bill with the cat when her aunt comes back and explain that while she loves helping her aunt, her health is important, too.

If the cat were staying only a couple of days, "Can't Breathe" might be able to tough it out. But if the aunt is gone for a week or more, the woman risks respiratory distress and may end up in the hospital.

I think the aunt was taking advantage of a relative, and not in an unconscious way. She didn't want to hear the word "no" and gave her niece no chance to say it. Plus, you don't take an out-of-the-country trip on a whim. She had plenty of time to make other arrangements. The aunt didn't want to pay to board her cat and chose to board her pet for free with her niece.

The allergy problem isn't just when the cat is physically there. The leftover loose hairs that can take days to get rid of after the cat is gone are also a problem. I love cats, by the way! -- Practical, Chicago

DEAR PRACTICAL: Boarding the cat is a perfect idea. And you are absolutely right about the lingering dander that can wreak havoc on someone allergic to cats.